The BEST way to handle an ANGRY person with emotional intelligence

What's the best way to handle an angry person? with emotional intelligence?
It can be overwhelming to deal with an angry person and it may feel like anything you escalates the situation. What can emotional intelligence teach us about the best way to handle an angry person?

In this video from the series Emotional Intelligence Explained episode #11, Joshua Freedman explores the question "What's the best way to handle and angry person with emotional intelligence?" He shares a tip to help us disarm the confrontation and become allies. Increase your emotional intelligence to do a better job at not reacting to angry people.

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[Biglover]

What if the person doesn't care about your limits and feels their anger is justified? Say you disagree on something that is very important to them, but you just can't see eye to eye on it. I've tried to use agree to disagree, but that doesn't work.

[therustyfisherman]

When is enough, enough? I have a family member with life long issues with anger towards myself while they change their character completely with others. Trying to deal with this family member because no one else can but the consequences is my own health so I take it and take it but it’s harder and harder. The belittling, aggressiveness and major mood swings are beginning to take a toll on me and breaking me down. I’m the one supporting him especially now since he just had a stroke and now it’s increased severely.
I’m so tired I work 10hrs a day and come home to this. I feel like I’m going to break down and hurt myself in the process. I’ve sought professional help for them and it doesn’t work out because it reverts back to the same old tendencies. I’m so tired I’m just so so tired

[danielagelhornhiremagalur]

it happened to me today at a job interview. Apparently the guy got angry about the fact that I rescheduled our interview (letting him know in advance and telling him it was a family issue). He didn`t even look me in the eye while talking and tried to be evassive with sarcasm....I thought it was really childish an lacked empathy. I got super nervous, even my heart started pounding cause I felt his anger but realised that he clearly had issues confronting. I took a deep breath and asked him if he wanted me to come at a better timing for him. He instantly changed from anger to listening. I stayed up, opened my chest and straightened my back. I told him that I was sorry if something upsetted him about me coming ata different timing (although I told him so before) and he told me how he felt about people "playing with his valuable time". I adressed his motive as valid ( no point on explaining that this was agreed) and he calmed down. Of course I realised taht working with a boss like this was NOT a good idea and walked away.

[ravenshane]

I actually felt this was important for me to watch. It definitely does depend on the situation, but I think that's what he meant by setting limits on how much bullshit you're willing to take from someone's anger. But if you come at it from a compassionate approach as opposed to feeling attacked and reacting your also taking back control by not losing control.

[LAOWayMusic]

I was so nervous talking to a customer on the phone today, they certainly weren't kind about their frustrations, they never are when there's a financial concern... 😭 but listening to your explanation helped a lot, its calming ME down at least haha

[mirahsan]

Don’t forget. Saying no, walking out, and hanging up or ending the video call are always an option. Don’t let anyone ever disrespect you.

[philochristos]

I think it depends on the situation. If you're dealing with a narcissist, for example, who gets his feeling of power by expressing over-the-top anger at his underlings (or those he perceives to be his underlings), berating them in the process, then validating his anger is probably the worst thing you can do because it encourages that kind of behavior. It's probably a bad idea to validate expressions of anger in a relationship, too. Of course that depends on how the anger is expressed. You can express sympathy for a person's anger while still holding them to some standards of behavior. You shouldn't justify somebody's behavior if, I in their anger, they are shouting obscenities at you.

[rotinhell]

Thank you, it helps a lot to separate these as this makes it easier to focus on the heart of the problem.

[JMAssainatorz]

I had this one guy today hence why im here. I was constantly trying to prove hey we are on the same team but there was no willingness to even consider that i could be a friend. the best responce here would be to back away and alas i dident. I ended up setting a limit saying im trying my best to listen and i belive we both want the same thing if you however shut me down without ability to show consideration a second time i will not respect it.

[altermeasekendrick]

I will attempt to see the matter from the other person's point of view rather than the impact it's having on me. I will then attempt to affirm their feeling and try to be helpful in resolving the matter through support.

[Katrina-zc]

Very true what you are saying, its lifts a load off just hearing what your saying. Thankyou so much.

[djicebreaker]

Thanks, I know this person angry as she feels lost and she gets rejected by social media accounts, how ever she wants to cam model again and I’m trying to encourage her and help her the best way she can, nothing is going her way at moment and she has rent to pay and other bills, but she has to learn herself as she wants to be fully independent, I’m just helping her see the reality of the situation

[professorjay]

The feeling is a language of the body as thought is the langue of the mind.

[panandscan]

This is bad advice if used generally like he's advising. It's a real stab in the dark whether someone toxic like this is a narcissist/sociopath/borderline, and taking the appeasment approach is validating their toxic/abusive behaviour and basically enables them.

[foolio]

Learning to Reject the thoughts and actions.

[fifthdimension]

Don't confront anger as a threat? My advice, is leave quickly. If we all coddle the angry person, then the angry person will keep being angry for attention. And someone will physically get killed or hurt in the meantime.

[laurapa]

Doesn’t work on narcissism. NOTHING does.

[andrewc.]

Lord I knows I need some help. I have someone who is very angry with me who is mad that I haven't been doing something that they never asked me to do. I've been spending the last three days trying to calm them down and to let me fix the issue now that I know. Even worse, its the person in charge of the place I rent. Help! It's like they're not listening to reason and I'm trying to tell them I'm not trying to take advantage. I'm trying to speak to their fears. It's setting my PTSD off really bad.

[jjlatinopedia]

Being in the military and working with civilians kind of forces me to internalize emotions. A female nurse got loud & rambunctious with me over scheduling. I was embarrassed and really wanted to check her @ss and put her in her place. But instead, said nothing to her. I went home and had running thoughts on how I should've handled the situation differently.. ..or if I handled it right?

[JasonMorgan]

The way I deal with stupid angry miserable people is not say anything. And I just laugh at them I been called every name in the book by a lot tougher people. Its honestly comedy to me