How To Stop Being Socially Awkward (5 Behaviors That Make You Look Weird)

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[willverschneider]

I can offer a possible explanation for some socially awkward behavior. A person with social anxiety feels like the other person is evaluating them, so every social interaction feels like a live public performance that we didn't prepare for. We do better in text or writing because we give ourselves time to proofread before the final "product" is released. And we do well with animals because they don't have the social complexity of humans.

[Airkillmaster]

As someone who got yelled at and looked down a lot as a kid, that definitely made me socially akward. Thank you for this

[Kingtails]

From personal experience, I used to be socially awkward due to stutter and other insecurities. The key is going to parties, events, and hangouts. Don’t worry about people judging you or embarrassment because it’s going to happen. The more social experience, you will become less awkward and gain social/self-awareness. A good tip for beginner, is let the other person talk more than you do and being genuine about it. Also, being a good person with good morals help to.

[chris-cxfq]

The 5 Weird Behaviors
1. Self disclosure (Lack/Excess - Emotional Vomit) 0:54
2. Eye contact ( Too much or too little) 2:42
3. Inability to read social cues (Not reading the room) 3:48
4. Proximity (Invading personal Space) 5:50
5. No filter (Making a remark at a bad time or speaking in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable) 6:54

[kenrickbautista]

As someone who's been socially awkward for 26 years that I have been on this earth, I truly believe this video is accurate, necessary and needed. Thanks for that Courtney.

[stonecold]

I love Courtney’s videos. Rather than tell men to “be nice” “be sensitive” “be vulnerable” she gives direct, blunt, honest, and real advice. It’s refreshing to hear advice like this out of a woman’s mouth. Happy holidays Courtney!

[davidabarak]

As I got older my social confidence got better. But what really boosted it was when I began volunteering as a docent (tour guide) for a popular museum. I _had_ to be engaging, entertaining and sometimes funny. If you've got social anxiety, try volunteering in a role that has you interact with strangers and it'll do wonders.

[MikeyP]

Being an introvert isn't something that needs to be fixed. That said, if someone is shy or has low self esteem dating can be a nightmare. Keep in mind though that these are symptoms. Remember to consider why you're this way and getting it under control. If you see yourself as awkward, most likely you'll assume your date sees you that way as well. I would take Courtney's tips to the dating table after your issues are resolved.

[Onz]

At 53 I don't understand why I have to follow all these rules. If people don't like my weirdness or awkwardness then too bad. Yes, I have no friends and have trouble with eye contact, and loud noises and have no real idea of how to socialise. But I have learnt to mask for employment and it is tiring but it's got me through. Just be you, don’t change for anyone or what society thinks is normal.

[gabrielrcortina]

12:35 Thanks for the recognition of the autistic guys out there. Last week I got diagnosed with high functioning, but I only went because my social interactions continued to fail. Unlike many others who would doubt I have any condition, you still acknowledge people like me and I am very thankful to have a person like you on YouTube. You've always been considerate of many facts and that's why I'll always continue to watch your content.

[cypherpunk]

I stopped being socially awkward when I stopped caring what people thought of me. Then I realized it's other people who are socially awkward. Why do people feel the need to blather on about fucking nothing just to fill a silence?

[ranc]

I love that you are aware of flip sides. Usually a lot of people are only aware of one angle, egocentric.
What I am allergic to is "Stop" videos.
Deficiency Motivation is never working. All this social awkwardness stems from abuse. Being exposed to narcissistic abuse and untreated mentally ill people over long period of time. This means, we were conditioned to be socially anxious, where anxiety is reaction to toxic people who trigger us, flashbacks of the original abuse.
"Stop" techniques (how to stop, step by step) are not working due to Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve - we will simply forget all tips and tricks and default back to original trauma which is not healed. What we need is to heal the trauma which is causing all the problems, not our symptoms which we observe and easily detect.
Confidence is paradox - if we nitpick and try to be confident - we'll turn up insecure and with over-compensations.
Alas if we don't try to be confident - paradoxically we will become confident, since we won't care what other people criticize.

We will be confident when we are okay with our mistakes and blunders. In social situations mistakes and blunders go hand in hand.
And what's more - perfect people are dull and nobody likes them. Those who are obnoxious, who fart, burp, talk nonsense, loud and obnoxious, those who gossip and do all the social faux pas - are accepted and loved.
If we try to be perfect and without mistakes we end up being stuck up and fake - and people notice that we have some kind of hidden agenda which they will interpret as evil and manipulative and controlling.

Socially anxious people have only with emotional vomit - to reveal either too much or nothing at all.
Socially anxious people do not have issues with other issues explained in the video: eye contact, read social cues, proximity, no filter. Only Autistic, Borderliners and narcs have those issues.

It is great to know that we do not reveal to much, but as I said Ebbinghaus will make us forget this and we will default back to our learned programming and conditioning. Black swan event, drama, hysteria, lack of resources - and we will default back to our primal learned instincts.
That is why instead of "stop" motivation techniques I would encourage Humanistic therapies approach - validation, self worth and acceptance. That is only thing that works with complex human mind and whatever environment we're at.

[JohnM...]

I'm afraid that when it comes to 'getting to know people ' or 'opening up' (🤢🤮) I personally don't feel like I can TRUST OTHERS with my true self, in case my feelings (and self esteem) get crapped all over. Usually, after I've known people for a long time, I've asked them what they first thought of me when they first saw/met me. Most of them said they were terrified of me. I tend to, Unconsciously, have a 'f*** off' face. It's not who I really am, but an ingrained automatic response to YEARS of being ostracized (especially by girls/women) from school onwards.

[Glambitious_Ms]

My biggest issue is that I’ve had a mentally and emotionally traumatic past. So I’m usually on guard but I also feel like I make myself seem small, even though when I’m comfortable I can be a ball of energy. I’m not great at holding conversations because I feel judged a lot. And I have gotten to point where it can be really difficult to be comfortable in rooms with others.

[StarGir_]

I always look awkward in class in front of teachers and because of stress i always make a mistake and i hate that😭

[daveblackman]

Confidence is key. Strong eye contact and body posture matters. And your vocal tone matters too. You can make people believe whatever you’re saying, even if it isn’t accurate. Goes far in the job world. Merry Christmas to you Courtney!

[jacksparrowguy]

The hardest thing to deal with is being awkward around someone you have a crush on, and then coming to the realization that we're two completely different personalities. It's really difficult to handle and makes me feel like crap. But it's another learning experience and a chance to improve

[Moshmn]

I think a lot of social awkwardness can be averted by figuring out how to remove yourself from a transactional frame of mind within interpersonal interactions, and it's not always obvious if you're in one. If you feel nervous, shy, walls up; or the opposite: oversharing, peacocking, strangely self-deprecating, and overall overly forward—they are indicators you're trying to get something out of that person. Sometimes therapy is a necessary step to explore any complexes that are preventing a normative frame of mind from relating to others. Sometimes there are mental health issues, sometimes it's just lacking a healthy frame of reference that wasn't modeled by friends, peers, and family growing up and you need to learn some people skills.

I think this is the problem with telling some people to "just be confident, bro". There are two types of confidence:

(1); the confidence relating to a particular skill, like flying an airplane. If I've never flown a plane before, just being confident won't be a stand-in for proper knowledge and experience. I have to be unconfident before I can be confident. As I become more "competent", I will become "confident" in that order specifically,
(2); overall "confidence". Confidence in confidence itself. The confidence in navigating the unknown. Your confidence "in the learning" of unlearned skills, like flying an airplane. And even more specifically, the confidence in soft skills that underlie everything we do that enables one to navigate unknown territory. It's hard to quantify, hence my varying descriptions here. Socializing is a soft skill. It cannot be reduced to "just do X" as it's largely unquantifiable and not formulaic. Social skills require one to navigate terrain that is eminently analog and always changing. Any "rules" offered in socializing are really just guides and "rules of thumb. Because everyone is different. This is why we speak of others in vagaries—"vibing" with others is one such example.

What creates deficits in these skills sometimes is a matter of mental health, and sometimes is a matter of lacking a healthy frame of reference. And thus, solving one's deficit in these skills that underlie everything we do must be individuated in the solution to the particulars of the individual. If they have attachment issues, that must be dealt with. If they're on the spectrum, that requires an entirely different approach. In any case, direct outside intervention is required in addressing deep deficits, individual to the person, in these soft skills. "Just be confident" cannot be the advice here. Confidence will emerge automatically as the person heals, gains skills, and routinizes them in automaticity.

[porcelainelf]

I’m very socially awkward so I’m glad for this video.
I overthink my every move, everything I say, and how I look. That’s just due to me being insecure, but I also have a stutter and slur my words so I stay silent or say fewer words. I have really bad anxiety so usually when I talk to someone I’m not used to, I get really flustered which makes my stutter worse and sometimes my face starts burning or I’ll fiddle with something.
I can read the room tho so thankfully, if someone is uncomfortable I’ll see it and will stop what’s making them uncomfortable. Because of my overthinking, I pay attention to small gestures and their facial expressions, even if it’s barely visible. I’ve seen interactions between other people and I saw that one of them was uncomfortable or wasn’t interested, but the other person didn’t notice. I felt extreme second-hand embarrassment

[andremarco]

As someone who has had crippling social anxiety, it's awesome to see u addressing this