Getting Help As A Dementia Caregiver

Hey there Careblazer! Welcome back to Careblazers TV, the place where we talk about everything dementia. If you are caring for a loved one with any type of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy Body Dementia, or vascular dementia, then this is the place for you! I post a video every Sunday on the topic of dementia caregiving.

Unlock the secret to getting more help as a dementia caregiver! Discover four simple steps that will transform your caregiving journey. From choosing the right tasks to asking the right way, these steps can help turn your overwhelming days into a more manageable experience.

Watch now and uncover the hidden power of support! And if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions for future videos, be sure to share them with us in the comments below.

Here’s a few of my videos that are related to this topic:

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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. In my job, I help people with dementia, and their caregivers, by visiting them in their own homes and helping them cope through the many struggles of caring for someone with dementia. I have always wanted to help more people than is possible for me in a work day. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I do this in my spare time. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver

[debby]

I wish this was as easy as it sounds. I have asked my siblings, begged and even in tears explaining that doing this 7 days a week has me exhausted physically mentally and emotionally. The answer is if you can’t do it, put mom in a nursing home. They want to live their lives while I’m losing mine each day and have no life. We live in a rural area. I have contacted Office of the Aging, provided a list of caregivers and explaining what each will or won’t do. There is a 14-18 month waiting list and starts at $32/hour just for companion care, not stores, appointments, bank, medication, meals, laundry and the countless daily needs. Most of her friends no longer drive or have passed so that’s not feasible. As full time caregivers we tend to lose our friends as they are still living their lives and busy with family or grandkids. So many don’t understand unless they’re in this position…the hardest job ever and most heartbreaking

[ruthhetzel]

That hit home for me and you are absolutely right. My husband had to go into a nursing home so he didn't hurt himself and I needed cataract surgery and could not drive myself to and from the Doctor for surgery. I had no one and no family members around here. I finally broke down and asked my neighbor for help to get there and back. I was shy to ask her, but when I did she said sure, she would be glad to help and drive me both times I had to go there. It took a long time before I asked her but it is the best thing I could've done. You are so right to ask for help when you need it.

[druchampion-payne]

These are great tips. But everyone's circumstances are different. My husband is 67 and he has early stages Alzheimers. I have one sibling, and my husband has 4 sisters -- but *all* of our siblings live in different states. We also have 4 children, 3 of whom live in different states. But we live fairly close to our youngest son. He works full-time and has a wife and 3 young boys, so he cannot offer much help. So at this point everything rests on my shoulders. My brother is really good about calling me almost daily just to say Hi and to see how I'm doing. My son and daughter-in-law have said that some time in the future they'd like for us all to live together, but I have so many concerns about that. I know I will need more help once my husband gets further along, but I don't see how my son can really help with those things when he's at work and his dear family needs him like they do. I am so very grateful that they want to do that, but I'm so accustomed to doing things my way. I just need to be willing to let go of some of that and accept the help ..?? Or should my husband go into a nursing home? But with what money? I'm looking into the different options so I'm planning as much as I can preparing for the future, but even with meticulous planning things change, so I need to remain flexible and open to new possibilities. I am such a planner, and most of what I anticipate doesn't turn out that way and then I feel the sting of disappointment, so I've learned to *try* and be more flexible and accept and even anticipate unforeseen events down the road. I guess the ole "one day at a time" helps me cope with what's ahead. I even recite the Serenity Prayer daily while facing moment by moment challenges. Anyway, my husband said that he wants to go into a nursing home at some point because he remembers how hard things were for his own mother. His father had Alzheimers so he's aware of the strain. But our son doesn't want that for his Dad. We'll see. Time will tell. I think it's easy to think you want to help, but when faced with what's involved in keeping someone with Alzheimers safe and cared for demands a lot, and my son still needs to work to put food on the table for his family. Take care dear reader. Hope you're doing well :)

[KimTrent-gg]

I hear every word you are saying. I'm going thru the exact same situation. And it's tougher than tough. I pray for strength and everyday God is good and gives it to me. But we need breaks. It's too much for one person. I have 2 sisters close by and get minimal if any help. There is a special place in heaven for us!

[marybrand]

VA called and asked if I needed help and I said yes. So happy I did. He cooks breakfast, does dishes, vacuums den, takes out the trash. He goes with us to the Dr. And I am so blessed for this help.

[stacieboucher]

Mary’s story was awesome. Inspiring. I asked medical insurance coordinator what we qualified for. Husband has behavioral frontal temporal lobe dementia. We qualified for light housekeeping, laundry, dishes, but no workers here on Kauai since Covid.They only pay $12.50 an hr. They will pay friends or family, but no one has time so far. We are getting meals on wheels as much as seven days a week. Signed up for three days to see if food is decent. Will take a couple weeks to go thru. It’s a start! Trying to run this race with perseverance. Yr. Four. Our reward is in heaven, because it’s a thankless job. “ All I do I do unto the Lord. God help us all! Blessings everyone! Thanks ❤

[JohnvanGurp]

It’s so extremely important for people to reach out. Most communities have an Alzheimer society or some kind of a 1-800 number.

[mvhspphs]

This is great training! You hit the nail on the head! Could you address step 2? It’s so hard for many who become isolated in their caregiving role to IDENTIFY WHO to approach for help!

[madeleinefraley]

Thank you so much. Asking for help is definitely hard, but so many people want to help if they can do the task. Fit the task to the person and you might have success. Whatever community support you have - church, lodge, neighborhood group - could meet a number of needs on the list. Don't just ask your family members. Your friends and community have skills beyond the skill set of your family. I love the story about the dog-walking. What an "out-of--the-box" ask that would not have been on the list. Don't limit yourself. You can certainly use help. Well presented, Natali!

[vanessalovesdogs]

I love that positive affirmation - wow i never looked at it that way! but its so true and sooo difficult to ask for stuff that, were we not dementia caregivers, we'd not think twice abt asking eg. "hey, do you think youd have a chance to give me a ride to ... " I'm no longer too embarrassed to beg <3

[shinealong]

Having help is like having to entertain guests, and is more overwhelming for me.

[Kay-mgdt]

"make it mean you are an amazing caregiver". Thank you for thise words!

[carolmurray]

Hired a cleaning company….2 cleaners ….twice a month
Really frees me up for other things, and makes life not so overwhelming 🌸

[elizabethmitchell]

These are such great ideas. I am new to caregiving. My mom lives with me. She had moderate stage dementia. I am so glad I found this channel! Thank you

[The-iimj]

My sister, who i was gladly stepping in & helping, has finally shoved me back out of my Mom's life. It is what it is. I'll always remember that when my Mom had her 1st "delirious time" (from a UTI), she asked for ME...and I stepped back into my Mom's life & we then had 3.5 yrs of laughs & love. My sister can't take that away.
✌️🇺🇸🇨🇱

[sharonpinkerton]

Thank you for the shorts....Thank you for the reminder "Go back to the basics." Human kindness"

[LightfootDerek]

I just started with this process. My wife was diagnosed on 02/23/23. I am already overwhelmed with this process. My wife is just now having problems with short term memory issues . Forgetting that I went to the store and panicking and calling me. I have been watching your videos and trying to learn as much as I can. My wife has been sick with Lupus and other autoimmune diseases for 20 years. So I have been taking care of her physical needs ambulating etc. now she has Frontal Temporal dementia and I am just crushed. I am disabled as well but can get around town but I know the time will come when I am not able to handle caregiving anymore. I don’t want to send her to a nursing home because I know what goes on in them. I am very protective of my wife. I’m not sure where to go from here. Signed at a loss for what to do at this point. What do I do?

[judyevans]

Yes. You have to keeping trying to find the right help. We now have actual map Jon for my husband two mornings a week so I am do something for me! It took a while for me to become comfortable but worth it.

[anandgomes]

Very important topic and message. Asking for help and getting the help is the main challenge

[pintsizestories]

Excellent video. I'm at the beginning of the journey with my husband. I find just getting an email or phone call can really lift my mood. Most people wouldn't find that too demanding. I totally agree that you can't just wait for people to come to you. It is hard to reach out but, like you say, which difficult do you want.