When Someone With Dementia REFUSES to Bathe [TRY THIS]

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.) Every Sunday, I share a video to help you in your dementia caregiving journey.

In today’s video, I’m sharing some ideas for how to get your loved one more clean and less stinky without having to take a bathe/shower. Obviously, the ultimate goal is to help your loved one bathe completely, but if that has been a struggle for you, I hope these 3 tips can help you.

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[jds]

My grandmother went from normally taking a bath twice per day to maybe one per month if we were lucky. It was so frustrating and probably one of the hardest for us to deal with because she always took such pride in her appearance.

[hollyfirefly]

I just tell my dad, We are going shopping or visiting etc… and we need to take a shower before we can leave. I tell him how handsome he looks and smells. Works like a charm. However, getting him to wash his hands regularly is much harder.

[aynos]

This is the only thing my mum does without batting an eyelid. Maybe I should be grateful!

[barthglennh]

When I was in a hospital years ago they had a foaming waterless cleaning product called Aloe Vesta. It is perfect to use by adding foam to the toilet paper and then wiping. It leaves skin clean and soft. I have used this ever since. I used to use a warm wash cloth on my father-in-law, he loved it on his neck, face and hands while he was sitting on his favorite chair. I also had a soft warm towel to dry him.

[sylviaalexander]

Thank you for sharing these suggestions. Here is how I was able to coerce our Mother to bathe. I purchased a modest bathing suit for her and told her how wonderful it would be if we could bathe together just like we did when I was a child. So I suited up as well and in the tub we went. Bathing with my Mother has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. This is not always a simple task, but well worth the effort.

[frankiefurbag]

I am heading for this with my dad.He refuses to wash his hands and changing clothes is a major event.

[alittlewheiser]

I fight my mother on bathing….I tell her either I do it or a stranger hired by the state comes in to do. For now that works. The last shower I helped her with she passed out from the anxiety of me cleaning her private parts and was in the hospital for two days. She was diagnosed with syncope and the doctor stated that the anxiety of me washing her could absolutely cause a syncope incident.

[blueminnie]

Great suggestions as this issue has been one of my greatest frustrations! After over three years of care here are some of my suggestions. I bought a larger dish washing pan to soak mom's feet. My mom has such sensitive skin that any soap must be used VERY sparingly - just for feet and underarms. I learned the hard way when I used a body wash that said for sensitive skin caused my mom to break out in an itchy rash all over which took months to arrest.
For an actual bath: Get a "sturdy" bathtub chair. Try it yourself to make sure it works and doesn't move around. I also bought several of those larger beach towels so mom can wear one right into the bath (just let it get wet) and use another large towel when finished to keep a greater sense of privacy. I also find warming up the bathroom (whole house) is helpful as mom is ALWAYS cold. I have a stove like space heater in one bathroom as its larger, but the other bath is too small to safely run a heater so I turn heat up for that hour. I have to have everything ready before the bath as mom is so unsteady, I can't leave her alone. I'm planning to have a grab bar installed.

[mfinchina__]

Some of the bidets you can buy, such as the Toto Washlet, can also warm the toilet seat, which could be nice for elderly people who are sensitive to the cold.

[lauriemclean]

The warm water & wash cloth approach has worked well with the person I'm helping (early stage / mild dementia) to keep herself much cleaner. For the last several YEARS, getting her to shower was mostly unsuccessful and she did have a terrible odor. She was resistant to anyone helping her to bathe. What has been working somewhat better recently is that after she gets up in the morning, I will bring her a change of clothes, a dishpan container of warm water (I add a few squirts of baby wash), and a couple of wash cloths. Where she did not want someone to wash her, she was perfectly willing to do her own morning "freshening up." Granted, that only gives her the means to wash the top half. I count on using wipes to clean her bottom to help keep her freshened up between showers. She no longer refuses the help of the twice a week bath aide from hospice, and that has been the most amazing improvement. I think any of us at any level of cognition would absolutely hate having someone else wash us when we have been washing ourselves from early childhood on up through adulthood. It was such a breakthrough for my client when she finally began to accept the help she needed.

[chrislim]

Is checking oneself into a mental institution an option. I can't do this anymore.

[dianamallory]

A little to late for me. Yes I still get stubborn streaks with my MIL, But I found timing was critical to get her bath over with. Her morning routine plays a big part. If I allow her to get dressed before she gets her shower there will be no shower that day. I have to catch her going to the bathroom in the morning and tell her oh good your up it is shower day. I get the bathroom ready before hand. And always change the subject when she starts to argue about it.

[TheDWZemke]

Lol timely... I am installing a Towel heater in the bathroom this afternoon (planned out 2 weeks ago). I have purchased 30 x 60 fluffy towels. Granted these are items, we would have not spent money on in the pasted, now, this can be a special reason for the bath. She sees herself as a scientist (granted she is a PhD) therefore we need to TEST out the new towel heater... yes we need to do the bath first... Wish me luck...

[billbernhard]

Thank you ! Keeping the emphasis on the "nice" and the "fun" and the "you're going to be great" aspects of the care will always be better than anger and forcing compliance. The Care Staff need every option to get the job done, without devolving into anger & demands.

[tddimer]

Well, I have tried it all, and she is just not having it.. I think its time for the fire hose. :) I am really struggling with this.

[bycracky]

Bidet is goid for cleanliness but not a good idea unless you are present when it is being used. My wife will get up and leave with bidet still on and has flooded the br several times.

[zachreyhelmberger]

I have done HUNDREDS of Google searches for this kneeling bench I saw in a hospital years ago. The incontinent person would kneel on this bench that is placed in front of the toilet with his butt over the toilet and would make it very easy to wipe the poop off their butt and go right into the toilet. It had arm rests so the person would be comfortable while being cleaned. I tried for HOURS to find the name of this thing and how to purchase one but I finally gave up trying. I KNOW it exists!

[ashleyburk]

Thanks for the ideas! This is the biggest challenge for my grandmother and so stressful for her supporters

[Somewhere-In-AZ]

My cousin took care of her mother (my aunt) years ago. She loved when I came over because I would wash her hair, bathe her, do her nails. It was our special time. My cousin liked not having to fight with her over these things. If you have a person with ability to call on for help, it sure makes it easier. Sometimes it’s a person who just comes for this. For some reason it works. Start early in the process and it’s more acceptable. I love the bidet suggestion. Might have to get my mom one now so she’ll be accustomed to it before it’s too late.

[livus]

What to do with an already stubborn 97 yo person, physically still very able almost like a 60 yo, can (could...) do anything alone, even hopping in and out of the baththub ( took baths in his entire life, rarely shower, loves to dip into water till the neck) and no. matter. how. lovely. we paint bathing to be, no matter the approach, calm and patient or a bit more pressuring, making it seem like its his idea, DOESN'T matter coz he just says simply "no", "not today" "I bath when I want not when others tell me", refuses wet towel washing idea, anything that comes from us is an "order" or simply stupid for him, laughs at us? Once a week is a dream already we are well into week 5...