Unmasking After Late Autism Diagnosis - Embracing Authenticity

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of unmasking after an autism diagnosis later in life. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike

⏱ Index:
00:00 - Welcome
00:57 - Unmasking
03:45 - Challenges
17:51 - Strategies

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD

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⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️

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[ronniecorbett]

Most people think saying "I am Autistic" is fishing for an excuse for being odd. Telling them that you are (To me) is impossible. Im 55yrs, it feels like a wasted life.

[crystalratclffe]

When masking makes you compliant and a people pleaser, people will complain that they liked you before you unmasked because you were easier to be used and manipulated for others wants and desires even if they are unaware they were doing it

[midnightorchid]

I was diagnosed last week with ASD after already being diagnosed year's ago with ADHD. On May 25, at 45 I got an Autism diagnoses. My brain decided it was done masking on it's own after another stupid/traumatic life event, and at 43 could not mask in certain areas anymore. The CBT training class settings I grew up in seemed to just be forgotten d things got harder. I was trained as a child to act "normal". Life is harder, and now lonelier. My family and friends gave up on me long ago. And my symptoms do nothing but get me in trouble. I watch these videos to be less alone, and appreciate them. Thank you for your strength.

[kristenverne]

I’m literally sitting here with sensory overload. I’m a teacher, and I try to be vulnerable with my students. They know that “sounds and light hurt me”, so they are aware and are very understanding. And I’m grateful for a boss and many coworkers who are accepting and helpful when I’m struggling, and we’re very supportive in my journey of unmasking and getting diagnosed.

One thing I noticed after I stopped masking was my temper got shorter. When I was masking, I literally internalized all negative emotions and went and exploded at home. Now that I’m allowing myself to experience emotions in real time, I’m having to learn to regulate it in a way I haven’t before.

[katielangsner]

Even as kids many of us autistic folks found ourselves 'responsible' for the responses and emotional well-being of the people who should have known us but weren't (Still aren't?) responsible to know themselves. And too often we neglected ourselves to fit in and care for others.

[WizardKitty]

Figured out I was autistic last year at 50 after burnout and long Covid took my ability to mask. I drop things for no reason, have trouble speaking, understanding people and making eye contact, and sensory sensitivity is cranked up. I didn’t understand what was going on. All of a sudden I was autistic (and at first I didn’t realize all my stuff was autism). Luckily one of my lifelong special interests had been psychology (in a desire to understand myself and others) and I figured it out. It was shocking, but explained everything.
There was a grieving period, but ultimately self-acceptance and self-understanding allowed myself to forgive all my perceived shortcomings (I just can’t human like other humans). I’m not a bad person. I’m autistic and adhd. I’m different.
Clearing out all the judgments created space for joy to come back into my life. Luckily, I’m in a place where I have time and space to just be and discover. Having this diagnosis changed everything. I no longer see myself as a failure, someone who had so much potential but wasted it. I have a disability that makes some things a lot more difficult for me. But it also gives me superpowers of creativity, focus, empathy, honor, and joy

[LynnieLovesJinyoung]

When I unmask people tell me they prefer my masked self and I should go back to "Normal". My masked personality is goofy and funny... So when I unmask people leave me

[neiladlerart]

When I started setting boundaries my roommate said that I’d changed. That I didn’t used to be like this. My roommate clearly took offense and called my boundaries ridiculous. Unmasking and standing up for yourself can be very difficult. I receive a good deal of resistance from some people when I drop my mask. Despite that resistance unmasking is totally worth it.

[pamlindquist]

That comment about masking being an attempt to be unseen, that invisibility I struggled with for decades. There is much that I want to say, but words.... So THANK YOU

[fieryphoenix]

One of the most impactful statements I ever heard from someone, while I was trying to figure out if I was maybe undiagnosed, was "You don't hate yourself. You hate the self you are forced to portray." Probably doesn't apply to most people but man did it feel like a slap in the face to me.

[brickellvoss]

Workplace rejection is the worst for me. Because I make sure I'm not doing anything INTENTIONAL to upset people. Went so far as to read a lot of books to help myself communicate better with others. Focus on I statements. Don't' accuse people of things. Don't use negative adjectives to describe people. But you know speaking bluntly and straight forward seems to be the right idea in my head. But I've learned or come to understand that NT people tend to lie... A LOT. So they see our blunt/forward comments as some sort of manipulation, since so many NTs have issues just being blunt and honest up front. And then when an NT does get upset... its usually over some weird thing they perceived you said X so you MUST mean Y. All while not taking into account that NONE of my past actions would even suggest that is true, nothing I've said even come close to that wild accusation. Then I'd get in trouble for how someone is FEELING about me... and because they can't deal with their own feeling some how that is my fault and I should change to make them feel better? Biggest insult/slap in the face... I already do so much to make others comfortable, I've always stood my ground when I know I haven't done anything wrong. And will not change myself to make another's internal feelings better, that is their responsibility to change their personal beliefs to stop getting hurt over minor things that are not even pointed at them. But because I'm weird/odd/strange/not normal some how your feelings are my responsibility? LOL no, that's gaslighting and manipulation right there.

I don't think NT people as a whole are a problem. The types of NT who I think cause the biggest problems are those that believe people as a whole should behave a certain way. Those types of people who generally see things in black and white/all or nothing thinking. Those who do not value uniqueness. Those that believe society has a set of rules everyone should abide by. Those that think the only tools they will ever need is a hammer and a screw driver... You know the ones... if they can't see something physically wrong with you then they think you should be normal. This type of person is the problem. They cannot accept differences. Closed minded people who also think their intuition/gut feelings are right and don't bother to investigate. At 25 they thought they had everything figured out and don't challenge their world view.

[sueannevangalen]

Lately, I've been noticing how much energy it sometimes costs me to vary my intonation when I'm talking. It feels exaggerated and outright phony at times and I've been allowing myself to slip into monotone talking more and more. I always did so sometimes without really thinking about it but now I consciously allow it as a way of unmasking, to conserve energy and embrace the authentic me. That might not seem like much but to me, it's really something. I think it helps to start paying attention to what takes energy and what feels inauthentic in order to unmask. I just got diagnosed in early May of this year, at age 47 😊

[cathrynelaine]

It’s so very difficult. Learning more about myself, and WHY I’ve always been the most misunderstood person that my friends and I have ever known, has been painfully eye-opening. I’ve recently learned of a couple social cues that I hadn’t known about, and realized how so many people in my past must’ve thought I was a selfish snob. I’ve broken down into tears a lot lately.

Thank you for this video.

[barbaramoran]

I was too severely autistic to mask .There was nothing to gain by trying to please people I needed to have a life worth living even if I had to steal it .Have you ever met anyone diagnosed autistic as adult who spent years in mental hospital when young
Getting my autistic diagnoses was like being forgiven No more assumption that my mental illness was my fault

[lulumoon]

Getting a diagnosis as even a young woman would have given me the permission I needed to be myself! The masking for survival crushed me for decades. 😮‍💨

[ncunkkd]

"...but even, not blend in, but not even be seen or heard, right?"

i feel seen 😳
this, exactly

[jackd.rifter]

I'm at the "redefine myself" point. I've learned my processing issues and don't have constant daily migraines anymore. I'm literally starting from my childhood memories and going from there, picking out the parts of me that I masked to "fit in" while trying to figure out the "me" underneath.

[deviatedspectrum]

This is one of the most helpful videos I've seen about masking. I was particularly struck when you indicated that masking doesn't just make us acceptable in society, it actually makes us invisible. Yes! Thanks as always for your thoughtful content.

[introusas]

Orion, I just want to say that as someone who was diagnosed very recently in my early 20s - I have been going through this process completely alone. It is scary, and hard, and I still haven’t even disclosed to work which I know is inevitable. I used to absolutely hate myself because I thought I was broken, or lazy, or just a shitty person but watching your videos and hearing how much they resonate with me helps me more than I can say. I listen to them while I’m at work and I’m having anxiety because my boss is once again getting onto me for my autistic traits. I was never very good at masking, but I do come across as someone that NTs would look at and say “No way you’re autistic.” It really helps the way you celebrate autistic traits and highlight all of our strengths and all of the wonderful parts of being autistic, because while we have many struggles, it’s not all bad. In fact, I’d say being autistic is a very positive thing in my life. I love myself and the way I think, & I always have, but it’s hard to remember that when the outside world is looking down on you.

Thank you for all your help!

[camiioan]

I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 23, and even now at 28 and i’m still figuring out how to unmask. I’ve become more comfortable with stimming and having comfort items and not being afraid at having a different way of being. These videos have been so helpful for me. 😊