How to Spot Autism in High Masking Autistic Women - Diagnosis Barriers

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of signs and barriers to diagnosis for high masking Autistic women. #actuallyautistic #orionkelly #autism #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

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[mothermetta]

I remember being told that only liars avoid eye contact. I was around 4 years old. From then on, I consciously chose eye contact when interacting with others, but it made me feel dead inside. It was too overstimulating so I dissociated. And that's how I began my life of masking.

[magaacqualogica]

Hi, I am a recently diagnosed autistic female in my 44th. High masking, "high functioning"... Until my anxiety, PTSD and depression meet my father's death and the COVID-19 pandemic and 40 years of high functioning and high masking suddenly became too much and my system collapsed. The reason why women mask more is because we are held to a very high standard of social behavior from a very young age.

[GaiaCarney]

People say ‘boys will be boys’ to excuse their disruptive behaviors. NOBODY says ‘girls will be girls’ Instead, our character or morals are impugned, we are ridiculed, shamed, judged, ostracized & punished! We mask (if we are able or inclined) to avoid these pressures! It’s pure (soul killing) survival 😔 Plenty of us want to holler, act out, stim, shut down, tune out . . . we are told to be lady like 🙄 so we adapt

[madnessintomagic]

Women in general have to come up with a level of hyper-vigilance and people-pleasing far beyond what is ever imposed on men, with worse consequences when we slip. I would assume this applies to autistic women as well.

[helenalderson]

When my daughter was 2-3, I asked the doctor if my daughter could be autistic. The doctor said no, since she made eye contact and she smiled. She remains undiagnosed as a 30year old. I home schooled her in 7th and 8th grade and taught body language, metaphors, and vocabulary as root words, with prefixes and suffixes, among other things. She now works with autistic children

[allison]

I am diagnosed with autism, I am a high masking woman, but 100% agree with everything you said. I also feel like things could be added to the diagnosis criteria for women or at least taken into account. Things like emotional dysregulation. Crying bursts. Tendency to collect things. Intense scripting. Strong need for predictability, less about routine than males. Hyper sensitive emotionally and sensory. Skin picking. Strong creative ability and interests instead of STEM. Avoidance behaviors. Childlike. Excessive sleeping. Daydreaming, or maladaptive daydreaming. Time blindness. Difficulties having a job or keeping a job.
these are all common difficulties that women on the spectrum face that are just not mentioned during assessment in a medical environment. Just in the community as of now.

[DivineOracularEssense]

My mom gave me a book as a child called “Oops! The Manners Guide for Girls” i reopened it as an adult and it’s basically an instructional manner on how to mask to get by in neurotypical society. I felt so ashamed reading it and reminded of feeling “less than” or “broken” as a kid

[elisabethhumphrey]

I think social motivation is actually intensive feminine style bullying. Which is of the emotional and phycological kind that we were subjected to for years. YEARS! We had to figure it out to survive. At 45 I still struggle with my women friends. I make and lose them over and over because I don't "girl" properly.

[sciencenotstigma]

Girls are usually more ridiculed and corrected for things like stimming, not smiling, being “rude, ” and “annoying.” And you nailed it about being expected to be friendly and social. I didn’t know how to smile until I was about 9. When they told me to smile, I didn’t know what they were asking me to do. Hugs were smelly and suffocating, and I only wanted to talk about one or two subjects, but could present a dissertation on them (I was reading and potty trained at 1 1/2, maybe because my sister was doing these things). My grandma let me eat in another room at holidays because the chewing sounds were too much, and did her best to make me feel included. I was so lucky to have her! Most didn’t know about autism in the 80s & 90s! Girls are expected to be more easygoing, tactful…all kinds of things that don’t come naturally to me.

[RuthMcDougal]

Also remember all autistics are different. You can seek out loud music at a concert you like but get sensory overload in a coffee shop. It’s not ALL the sounds and lights, etc.

I really enjoyed this video. The transitions piece was spot on for me. I find I get into the most snafus with my partner during transitions when we are about to leave the house or coming home or getting somewhere. Getting ready for bed, waking up. Any type of transition, lol.

[kimrobinson]

As an autistic woman, I don't think I'm more motivated to be social, but rather that the EXPECTATION of social-ness is much higher for women, and the judgement for women being different is harsher. None of it for me comes from an internal desire to be social...rather, my "motivation" is externally driven, and is more fear-based.

Great video...thank you!

[CarolynOsborne]

I am so high masking that I got a degree in counseling. I ran a shelter for battered women. I deeply care about the well-being of people. I am sure my empathy process is way different from that of NTs because it involves a lot of intellectual processing. COVID isolation led to a significant loss of my masking abilities, for which I am grateful. Thank you, Orion, for this excellent video. And if ever anyone wants to know copious amounts of information about the Watergate scandal in the US, I can help out.

[dinaabd]

I am 27 woman and I only recently started noticing that I might actually be autistic. I always felt like a misfit in my girl frind groups, the longest I sticked to a job was 9 months and it was agony. I used to live in Gaza and heavy bombing didn't startel me, yet the sound of dishes thrown in a sink in a cafe shakes me so bad. I believe I never was able to tell that I might be autistic because I had clinical depression, ptsd and severe anxiety thought all of my life. I am really glad that I finally got the opportunity to live in a place that allows me to heal and look into this subject after years of being left out and hated.

[aurian-lay]

At almost 68 years of age, I have finally gained access to a clinical psychologist about a lifetime of trauma and who, although she cannot give me an official diagnosis (because of Medicare constraints) is quite happy to let me know that her opinion is that I am significantly autistic. That's good enough for me! I have worn a mask for most of those many, many years. Your channel is really helping me to recognise and understand what I now know are my autistic traits and I am so much more relaxed and allowing for my differences.
Thank you.

[krissyk]

I'm not sure if I am autistic, probably not, but I do have many of the symptoms/characteristics so I enjoy watching these videos and learning more about autism since I can relate alot. The hardest thing I find for myself is having to cope with things in daily life that other people don't find difficult - things like going to work or shops. Having to try so hard to fit in and not get upset by things, its exhausting and you can't explain it to people because they just don't understand. I suffer alot with anxiety and find social interactions difficult, also I am very sensitive to lots of noise, crowds of people etc which leave me feeling very overwhelmed. For me being at work is very hard. I can only work part time and people always ask why I don't work more. Its too hard to explain to them how I find work so anxiety inducing and exhausting. I don't know how people can find support for these kind of issues (whether autism of not)? I just wish I was "normal" and could just enjoy going out to work and shops and social situations without it being so hard 😫

[Skittenmeow]

I was "forced" into learning masking in school, the bullying was intense and isolating.
I spent close to 4 years hiding during lunch and recess, literally in a "cave" recessed under large stairs surrounded by shrubbery. I had a couple of neurodiverse friends who joined me there.
Finally getting assessed for autism in my 40s. But my CAT-Q, AQ-10, SQ-R, RAADS-R scores are so high it's feeling like I'm winning. 😅

[ViraIshnia]

I used to see a family doctor that absolutely refused to send me to get tested for autism. He told me "you just need to join more social groups". It wasn't until my dad (who had gone without me) talked to him about me that he agreed to refer me to a specialist to get a diagnosis. I've never forgiven that doctor and hate that he still practices

[magiegainey]

The reason, I feel, women have “learned” to mask better is because we have to. Yes, it is the gender roles you spoke about. I always felt I was weird and different and was constantly making social blunders that my peers didn’t seem to have a problem with. Being an introvert on top of that, and being “expected” to be as outgoing as my sisters was awful. I’m still making social blunders, but being older, I don’t care anymore. 😂

[amyduro]

Nearly all diagnostic training and testing for all medical conditions and treatments have been developed around male patients and test subjects. Even anatomy books are almost entirely about male bodies, with the exception of female reproductive organs. But females are not males with different genitals. This is a great start to looking at how autism may present differently. Thanks.

[pippaseaspirit]

I would include over-compensating for difficulty in social situations; I know if I try to be “sociable” I am usually way too intense, and I don’t always notice that this is causing problems.