Why Narcissist Can't Hear YOU or Understand What You Are Saying to Him

Grandiosity is a cathected cognitive distortion intended to fend off life-threatening shame and hurt, depression, and suicidal ideation.

Inward Listening to internal objects (internal speech) overrides external stimuli (psychosis) whenever there is a cognitive dissonance (reciprocal inhibition via brain’s corollary discharge).

Gradually schizoid isolation, withdrawal, avoidance. The risk of being victimized is too large: solipsism breeds gullibility and vulnerability.

Selective auditory attention (selective hearing via bottlenecking): filtering, enhancing, selective perception, sensory contrast (background noise), prioritizing.

Selective retention

Selective perception

Frames of reference (framing)

[jonvia]

This is too real. Ive had many examples of this where the narcissist will look at me like I spoke a different language.

[ragacats]

Not only do they block you out, then they repeat YOUR sentence and claim it was their original thought. This is part of how they effectively disappear you.

[EvgeniiaDolinenko]

That explains why I felt like I was talking to a wall. Many times. You open your heart and then feel like a fool, as if you talked to a wall. Soo sooo sad. 😢

[urzsulaz]

They do not consider what the other says and what the other has done. There is no consideration, there is no respect. They destroy possibilities for a healthy relationship, they lack loyalty.

[ginnyhylton]

My Mom can snoop and hear everything but acts like she can't hear or understand you when your standing right in front of her. She wants you to think you can't speak correctly. Or she's avoiding the topic, frustrating you by making you repeat yourself, then acts confused. Its infuriating.

[snorky]

When you answer "I know that you know" and then smile, they go absolutely crazy.

[iamdawnmwilliams]

That part about recording them, & they still deny it. 💯

[Sandtauruspig]

I feel like I'm in a web of confusion the more I learn. Bottom line I've come to is - if I feel like I'm being manipulated, my emotion needs aren't being met, or my danger sense is constantly tingling around a person - they're out of my life. That's it. The more I simplify things the better.

[Selah]

OMG! I finally understand why communication w/an NPD is totally fruitless.TY!

[rubberbiscuit]

This makes a lot of sense. It's the desperate need to override the external reality. Also explains why people who are "codependent" get overtaken and subsumed into the narcissist's narratives.

[ckvarnmass]

Throughout 20 years of marriage, I truly thought he was neurologically damaged in someway. So this is saying that he probably was!

[shellae]

It is like having the same language as the alien with different meaning for the words as somehow the same sentence and paragraphs exchanged morph into separate realities...like weird parallel worlds colliding.

[viorelagocs]

This is the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced in my life.

[barry_g]

This is the final piece of the puzzle... This definition now explains my futile attempt to help a narcissist. FREEDOM!

[JoanFearon]

I totally get this. My ex was a narcissist. I used to say to him that it is like he has a voice talking to him telling him something different to what was actually said and even how a situation played out. He had forgotten the actual beginning of the conversations or part of it that explained how the story actually played out, the positive part and turned it into his own narrative.We argued so much

[lanettiecarter]

In 2020 I inadvertently found out my sister was a narcissist. Since then I have researched the topic in depth. The abuse I endured was explained on a surface level but Sam dives into the granular parts of a narcissist. He is so on point with the behavior and mindset of my sister. For years, so many I don't care to mention, I dealt with her erratic and entitled behavior appeasing and acquiescing to her, thinking I was making a difference. These videos are the best yet on narcissism especially for those who want to gain a deep understanding. Every time I watch his videos I am blown away.

[Billyify]

There is no point in trying to engage. They never learn.

[shawnpatrick]

The very best explanation of narcissistic behavior that I have ever heard.

[SarrenGames]

This exactly explains what I call the 'demonic strawman' which twists my words and attacks my narcissist whenever I just want to have my differing perspective heard.

[imjustaroo]

This is the first time I’ve realized how unreachable my ex-partner is. My heart is broken 😢