A Narcissist's Unwillingness To Hear Your 'No'

A mark of healthy relating is the willingness to allow for differences, which sometimes requires us to accept each other's right to say no. But, as Dr. Les Carter teaches, when you say no to narcissists, they have so much internal baggage that they are threatened by your separate preferences. Your task is to stand firmly when they predictably try to squash your "no."

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[amorfati]

No = boundaries! To a narcissist No = You are not in control, I am! Run people, RUN!

[realhealing]

Narcissists want complete obedience. You are not allowed to be an individual in a narcissistic relationship. No contact was my only option to live my life separate from narcissistic family.

[istateyourname]

I recall a family reunion some years ago. Everyone was tasked w/ bringing one or two homemade dishes to share. My Narc father was asked to bring ONE bag of chips. I chatted w/ him on my b-day, which was 5 days before said reunion. He tried to delegate the task of bringing the chips to me...I said, NO~and was certain he could handle that minute detail. Guess who got the silent treatment @ the reunion??? Yup, it was me. Over saying NO to a bag of chips. This story is ridiculous and inane, but illustrates the level of pettiness to which a Narc will stoop.

[notaclue]

They will go to such lengths...but THEY can say no when they want.

[Andrew-eobv]

Especially when you say no to their abuse.

[NikkiGRocksEver]

It is empowering to say no to a narcissist. He had a rage fit and a temper tantrum. He was testing my boundaries. I stood firm. He called me toxic because I was not mindlessly doing exactly what he wanted. I walked away from him. I feel free.🦋

[meowu]

You: What part of NO don't you understand?!
Narc: The N and the O.

[jaclynmarie]

I’ve noticed in life that you can along with ppl who have different interests but not different morals

[楊宜強]

Everything triggers a narcissist. Zero coping skills. They can only be dealt with as NO way !

[wishuponastar]

Narcissists really miss out on the goodness of life to be free to just live naturally and be happy and generous, kind, compassionate and a great person to be around. What a shame and waste.

[markjayw]

Spoiled little children in grown up bodies

[rozalina]

Well said. Narcicists get angry when you set boundaries and say "no". They cannot handle it. Narcicistic injury 💯
Keep setting boundaries and saying "no" with no explanation or apologies. Test their spirit.
No contact or 'grey rock' are the only options with narcicists. Standard.
Peace, love and light 🙏🏻✨️💖🕊

[frannavin]

Again you are spot on! My late husband was happy when yes was the word. Say NO to him, watch out!

[privatejen]

When dealing with the disconnected souls, I regularly remind myself: that their actions towards me is not about me; that I have options as to how I show up in my daily interactions, and that it is important for me to seek out the support and encouragement from those who consistently demonstrate love, care, trust and respect.

[sharonjones]

When you say no get ready for an avalanche of hatred, meanness, vengeance, revenge and them going into an absolute rage. You are NEVER supposed to set boundaries with them. How DARE you? Run, don’t walk away from these types permanently.

[theyellowshoe]

I have (& still do) just say NO, & walk away. I don't watch him self-destruct! 🤣 I'm always "busy" doing whatever. I do have an orny streak! 🤣

[sushi]

My mom turns my no into a drama and plays victim

[jaclynmarie]

I noticed with my in-laws that me saying no never went over well. We are living at the family farm and my husband slaving for them. He quit his other job and pretty much gave them total control of our lives: all his time and effort was spent trying to live up to their standards and please them, at the expense of our marriage, sanity, and moods, plus having the ridiculous expectation of including them in everything with our family. Husband working for them was never enough, we had to see them regularly (despite them being toxic, uncivil, deceitful and manipulative and disrespectful to us) and expected to leave our kids alone with them. I married into this and noticed something off, and it was a struggle for so many years because I was blamed that all the tension and trouble was me causing it (for wanting sensible boundaries and expecting to honour my own priorities and values).

They started to ask me questions that the choice of seeing them was already made by them, so it wasn’t a yes or no question to answer. It was switched to texts saying “dinner 530 on Wednesday. See you there!” Or “do you pick Wednesday or Thursday to come for supper?” Then you still confront them on it and met with scorn “because they have to walk on eggshells around me”.

So my husband trusted them and was hoping to take over the farm. I said no to going to celebrate something we told them at least ten times we weren’t teaching our kids about, and the father in law comes back with the verdict that we are evicted. One side of his mouth is saying “all this farm can be yours someday” but the second you say no about anything, everythingmy husband slaved over for years is snatched away. The farm was dangled like a carrot, but also was used as puppet strings to control our whole lives.

[DJH]

Wow. Wish I would’ve heard this 40 years ago. Could’ve saved decades of heartache. One of the any times my mother went years without talking to me was because I asked her why she lied about me. Had the proof in an email. To this day she still lies her way out of all the BS she pulls. So many rejections and months/years of her pulling this stunt. Can’t do it anymore. Was told their lives were none of my business and they don’t care about me….straight from my fathers mouth. So I set myself free from the whole toxic family. They all act like that. You say or do something they don’t like and you’re cut off for who knows how long.

[daynapeterson]

I chose not to have kids because there was no way to keep my covert narc mom from taking them over and controlling them. My brother moved his child hundreds of miles away for this very reason. Mom ran over my boundaries like a MAC truck for 60 years. NO was just a suggestion to her.