The #1 Reason People Break No Contact with Narcissists

The #1 reason why people break no contact is because of feeling guilty for no contact. In this video I give you 5 tips to overcome the false guilt of going No Contact with narcissists and other abusers. This can apply to intimate relationships, family, co-workers or others.

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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!

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End Screen Credits:
📸Photography by Kelsey Smith Photography

[KaleCasanova]

No contact is way easier than getting hurt all the time!

[puremaledark]

No contact is key. Its hard, it sucks, but just do it. Once you can manage that the rest comes pretty easy. Next thing you know, youll wake up one day happy and full of life/ hope. I didnt believe it at first either, yet here i on the other side.

[tia]

Toxic shame is one of the worst things I've experienced when trying to stay no contact with narcs. I realised that my empathic nature was used against me and was weaponised... Never again will I allow anyone to manipulate me in that way again.

[soinlove]

Thank you for quickly explaining how no contact is different from a "discard". So many of us become scared we ourselves are turning narcissistic after years of emotional abuses.

[sapiotextual]

No contact is a boundary. boundaries guide Our behavior, not theirs. in otherwords, you are not doing anything to anyone else no contact is you keeping a promise with yourself. There's nothing to feel guilty about there.

[nickbargas]

Going no contact so much goes against the natural nature of a kind heart person but it is very necessary for our own survival.

[susannah-carolla]

Thanks Meredith! I am 43 days no contact. These have been the most peaceful days I've had in 4 years. The more time passes, the stronger I feel, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. You have played a role in my recovery of self.

[karolguz]

You are never alone if you love your self!! ❤️❤️❤️Never forget!

[jennodine]

Here's how to resist hoovering:
Realize that the narcissist has stalked you and kept tabs throughout no contact. Even though he was out of your mind, he was not really out of your life. The only reason they would Hoover, in my opinion, is if they hear you're doing well. And not because that makes you more appealing to them now, but because they don't want you to do better without them. If you are, they have to intervene and stop all that nonsense. They want to mess you up for a while longer, stunt your progress and fuck up your head hoping you will never be right again after they discard you for the last time.

[tiazsacorpening]

The false guilt is part of the emotional hangover! Thank you for continuously saving my life Mere! I've maintained no contact for well over a year and this IS a rough time because we have kids together. I'm so glad I am apart of what YOU have been teaching on! Thank you Mere!!!💓💓💓

[franciscoramirezespanagarc]

To me, the first weeks were the hardest, after 3-4 weeks I got used to not talking with the narcissist and if I ever had to talk to them, I couldn’t help thinking “I’m better off when we are not talking”.

[nelliedean]

I have been no contact with my mother now for over ten years. I gave her hundreds of chances to treat me half decently and for the handful of good times there were ten times more manipulations gaslighting belittling and exploitation. I used to think that my previous requests and no contact periods some of which would last a year at a time, would eventually show her how I needed to be treated and that she would learn to respect me. How wrong I was. I was deeply and recurrently depressed before no contact I hoped beyond hope that she would change at last see the light and change her behaviour . She didn’t change but I have. Every day is a new day a new start for me. I decide my future, my relationships and who I can trust. I don’t feel guilty. My mother has other family members (they always do) around her as well as her other narcissistic friends. I have hit fifty and if I am lucky I can spend another half of my life with some chance of happiness. Please don’t go back you may get an initial rush of euphoria and then the abuse starts again only worse. They don’t learn they only respect you less and you end up being in hell all over again.

[jacquimook]

I’ve been no contact with my narcissistic mother for 6 months now. The day I said “no more” was the day she told me that she didn’t blame my husband for cheating on me 5 years ago. The ongoing hoovering is relentless, but I am standing my ground.

[ciaragrey]

You are so right about no contact is the best thing you can do. It is really hard but the best things usually are. The hardest part is overcoming the false guilt. The antivenom for that is self love and care. Explore creative activities. Make plans to move up in your career. Move forward. Dont sit still and be static. Try new things!

[nursemayra]

Thanks Meredith, I been no contact for 1 year with my NM. This holiday, is always the hardest for me. I was starting to feel the false guilt creeping, I keep reminding myself that I given my best and it has never and will never be good enough. I am happy finally to be my self for the first time and I don’t want to lose my self ever again.

[shannonobrien]

I’m no contact with elderly narcissistic mother since August 2017. It’s been an uphill battle, but I’ve never broken no contact. She’s made it difficult, but I’m committed to protecting my children, my husband, and myself from further abuse.

I’m still working on breaking the trauma bond. It’s so hard to fully accept that I was so fully manipulated, but I’m gradually getting there.

Thank you for your awesome videos Meredith. They’ve helped me SO much.

[annileehosford]

10 days no contact and I’m feeling so much better. I’ve made it several days in a row several times, but always given in and then the anxiety comes back. I need to stick with it this time. It’s become clear to me that he enjoys inflicting pain on me and I can’t keep putting myself through whatever highs and lows he decides to dish out. I HAVE TO BE DONE. Each day that goes by, my mind is clearer. I can see things for what they really are not what I hope they will become which is why I stayed so long. I have fought no contact for so long because I knew in my heart, he would just walk away and find someone new and I didn’t want to lose him. As my emotions are becoming regulated through no contact - I can that most everything was negative and I deserve better. No contact is so important!

[TheMakaFamily]

Thank you. I currently set no contact with a family member who is a narcissist and abused me a lot growing up. I feel like I’m always going back and forth with myself. The trap of pitty for your abuser is what I struggle with the most. This was helpful

[echopathy]

Someone said talking about narc recovery to someone who's never experienced it is like trying to speak Spanish to someone who doesn't know Spanish. I'm grateful you know Spanish. This is a recurring thing for me. Thanks for covering it.

[georgettecarmello]

I broke up and went no contact with him 29 years ago and was hoovered back in 3 years ago. Now no contact for one year🎉🎉🎉. He took $35, 000 from me in the short reconnect time. I obviously wasn’t caring for myself but now I can see it! Endless pit of need, guilt and knowing how to trip my emotional triggers to get what he wanted. That hard earned money would have gone far in my retirement. Pure predator. Love yourself❤️ and be proud of no contact. Recognizing and setting boundaries will trip their trigger and make them spiral out of control. Essential to be prepared and why you need no contact. You don’t want to get enmeshed in the storm that follows. They aren’t used to firm boundaries. I love your videos Meredith!