This Is The #1 Reason Couples Break Up | Russell Brand

Studies have found that communication issues are one of the top reasons for break up or divorce. Sr. John Gottman believes that it is the most significant predictor of divorce. Here are some of the lessons I've learned from my relationships and advice people have given me!

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Produced by Jenny May Finn (Instagram: @jennymayfinn)

[AuthenticSelfGrowth]

Stop putting all your hopes for happiness onto a person who can change their mind at any moment. Instead find happiness within yourself first and choose to share it with another person just for the sake of it 👌🏽

[Umph]

As a husband who’s marriage went through the ringer last year but was miraculously saved by hard work, dedication, and a willingness to change and improve by both parties, I can tell you that Russell is 100% correct. I’ve been to marriage counseling and therapy for my own mental issues and as a result, I’ve learned so much that I wish I knew in the beginning. I’d like to share a few key tips to a successful long term relationship. Some were already mentioned in this video.

-Voice your expectations when it comes to how you need to be loved.
Don’t assume that because you’ve been with a partner for years that they’re always going to know what you need and how you feel without you every telling them. Over time people may change and need love in different ways. Humans aren’t mind readers.

-Resentment towards a partner will always fall back on you in the end in a negative way. Don’t do it. Talk about what’s bothering you. The silent treatment is most harmful.

-Don’t rely on your SO to make you happy all the time. If you suffer from things like anxiety or depression, do something about it. A husband or wife is not a therapist. Know the difference.

-Words of gratitude. Always tell your partner not only that you love them, but why you love them. It is far more powerful.

-Don’t ever stop kissing and hugging. Sure, over time sex will lesson to a certain extent but that cannot be your only method of physical contact. A good hug after a bad day heals far more than a quickie late at night before bed. Sorry guys. I love sex too but it’s not the be all, end all in a relationship. Sometimes a woman just wants to be held and told they’re beautiful.

-Laugh a little. Poke fun at each other sometimes. Don’t be so serious all the time. Remember why you fell in love.

Just a few things I’ve learned in the process of repairing a 14 year long relationship and marriage from near disaster. We’re now closer than we’ve been in a long time and it feels good. The future looks good.

[MrRoshful]

One can communicate all they want, if there isn't any sense of understanding, it defeats the purpose of communicating in the first place.

[Eliseable]

Communication isn't just talking. A good communicator is good at listening !!

[samanthajames]

*communicate, but also realize it’s not on YOU if the other person doesn’t communicate. no one can be a mind reader.*

[sharndawg]

No 1 reason for breakup - when you look for someone to provide something you cannot provide for yourself. If you cannot be with yourself, you find someone to fill the loneliness. If you feel unattractive, unworthy, unloveable, you find someone to compensate for your inadequacies by giving you validation. You cannot fix yourself, so you look for someone else to fix it for you, or you try to fix others and the list goes on. Do the work first, get relatively comfortable with yourself by providing what you need for yourself (emotionally, mentally, physically and energetically) and then enter into the realms of being in a relationship with someone else... you may also find after doing the work that being single is actually preferable!

[susiefairfield]

Been married 30 yrs with a grate mate and we learned early on that it's much better to, instead of making a statement, ask a question. Statements are so defensively closing, whereas, a question gives one's partner a chance to clarify and save face PEACE

[DGRIFF]

Trust and Communication are the pillars of a relationship.

[Ginmabes]

7-year relationship broke up a week ago. We LOVED each other and were sweet and lovely and supportive the whole time. However...we didn't really know ourselves. We created a beautiful little bubble but realised that bubble was actually stopping us from thriving and growing as people. I miss that bubble but am so grateful I had those years to learn what love and respect feels like. I began to hide inside that bubble to the detriment of my true self. Excited to find myself again. We are friends and are excited for each other to go out and take life by storm. In saying that...the grief is palpable.

[The_Marco]

“If you don’t fix it, you’ll repeat it” - Jay Shetty

[schan]

What I learned from my past relationships: Never underestimate how clueless your partner may be. Also sometimes it is necessary to explain the same thing a few times to someone who comes from a different background and may not immediately understand your perspective. Last but not least, be patient.

[peaceandlove]

“Imagine being in a relationship with me, it’s hell”. Russ is hilarious 😂

[yksnxdm]

Here's some real advice. Stop looking for people. Grow and evolve first. Then after you love yourself so much you will have extra love to give some one who also has extra love they will give to you.

[GIVLuv]

I love when you said we are responsible as our own. For our own feelings. That’s a beautiful thing to own and realize❤️🦋

[brnt]

texting as the primary means of communication is a relationship killer too. I know this from experience!

[TheKategolden]

" To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance " Oscar Wilde ....100 year old truth bomb !

[beatrix]

I've been married almost 20 years and these are the habits that I have found work and help to sustain our relationship: 1) admitting my mistakes, what I said that was hurtful, or how I could have said or done something better and of course this only works if the other person does this as well, when appropriate 2) never curse at each other (ie never say 'F you') 3) praise the other person and what he or she is doing or saying that is sweet, thoughtful or appreciated and 4) smile at the other person and hopefully laugh about something he or she is saying every day.

[fitnessemma]

Yes! Tell your partner when they have pissed you off. Don’t give them the silent treatment.

[BrianInThe]

My ex always told me I need to learn to communicate better. I'm the type to not speak a lot and she was the type to always ask me how I was feeling and it always seemed annoying to me. I know now she was just trying to look out for me now that I've matured and learned to communicate better.

[suepedie]

I'm 67, married 30 years. Hardest thing for me to do was to ask for help! "I'm having trouble dealing I need your help." Miraculous changes! We all need to be needed & helped. Life is hard.