The Toxic Friend:

[alu]

Yeah, that's exactly the truth.
If they're a toxic "friend" they're not a friend, they're someone pretending to be a friend, not a real friend.

[JacobCunningham-mlgg]

Nirami dropping the hardest friendship advice of the year is not something I knew I needed on a Monday.

[aBowlofSquashsoup]

Just adding onto this, if you are in a relationship (platonic or romantic) and they threaten to hurt themself if you won’t stay with them it is not your fault if they do. That is not acceptable and you are not responsible for their actions. I’ve had “friends” like that and it was miserable, if you know someone like that distance yourself from them if you can.

[xttvis]

Exactly, sticking around and saying they are fake to everyone wont help your situation! You gotta leave em, we have billions of people, and one will be your ultimate best friend

[friskflowerfell]

That can help a toxic friend too. I was toxic ( later discovered by therapy that it was due to untreated BPD, anxiety and attachment issues ) and I was so obsessed with the only friend that ever stayed with me for so long. I’m glad she left and that I could finally see how awful I was and that’s the way I became a better person. I know she’s living a happier life, so do it guys!! I beg you, please leave your toxic person! :(

[NGSolaria]

Normalize leaving those toxic friends without guilt.
If they're toxic, they're toxic.
Theres no need to stay with them if they're harming you or your friends.

Reminder: You shouldn't be a host to a pest. Remove the leech and heal, then move on.
Theres always someine out there that will cherish you for who you are.
You should be comfortable being yourself.

[euchreairgaming]

We can be addicted to viewing others in our lives as toxic in order to have a subject of gossip. It's grossly manipulative, and nobody is immune to feeling this way.
Don't forget to do some healthy introspection on a regular basis to make sure you're not being the bad friend.

[heyzbeauz]

So true!! I had a friend for about 6 months that I realized more and more how toxic he was. It's absolutely terrible. It came to a point where I couldn't just let all of his toxicity slide, I decided I was done forgiving his behavior, and I told him we aren't friends anymore, and I blocked him. I've been a lot happier ever since!

[neonflights]

Depends. Sometimes people misuse therapy terms, such as referring to someone else maintaining their personal boundaries as "toxic" or bringing up issues related to their friend needing to be corrected.

[bearinyourwalls]

Another thing is that even though some people might not mean to be toxic, you still have the right to stop being friends with them. It's a sucky situation, but if it's healthier to break off the relationship then you should. That toxic person might not mean to hurt you and they might grow in the future, but that doesn't mean you have to stay when communication doesn't work. (Not saying this applies all the time)

[that_llu]

My one "friend" doesn’t like me anymore. Their reason: "you’re different since the Klassenfahrt (don’t know the English word lol)"

[realhumanguynotafish]

I will never in my life understand how people can hear this advice and not feel extreme guilt and disgust from even the thought of abandoning one of your friends just because another one of your friends told you too.

How you can do this without guilt or sorrow completely shatters my view of what friendship is and means. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, that doesn’t mean always being a PERFECT friend, it also means forgiving friends when they hurt you if they have a good reason for it. You never know the context.


For example: You can have a good friend who’s playful and clumsy, and they accidentally trip while walking towards you and accidentally hit you from the fall or knock something over that hits you, and in the moment you laugh it off cause you and that friend know they didn’t mean it. But then if you go hang out with a different friend who doesn’t know anything about that person, and you go “oh yeah my other friend smacked me in the face on accident the other day lol” and then the friend is shocked and asks why they would do such a thing, and you say “oh they didn’t mean it, stuff like that happens on accident all the time” and you yourself know that, but your friend just heard this and thinks the worst, and then starts to convince you that it is intentional when you know it’s not, leading to this conversation of that friend who THINKS they’re being a good friend to be like “yeah no i don’t need to hear anything else, that’s abuse, i don’t wanna hear any explanation” liek that’s the most important part is the context and explanation.

The irony is that this would make the friend who’s telling yous convincing you your other friend is toxic, toxic themself. So, the one saying “ditch your toxic friend” thinks they’re the good friend but in reality they’re the toxic one trying to control who you talk to. And the person wrongfully labeled “toxic” is the one who’s actually just a real friend with flaws, like a real person. But really, neither of them are “toxic” if you just take a moment to step back and see that it’s human to make mistakes and incorrect assumptions.

People aren’t inherently evil or bad, sometimes good people do bad things, leaving them in the dark for it helps no one. Telling them what they did wrong instead of just leaving them blindly, can go a long way. Even if you do need to leave them for your own mental health, at least give them a reason so they can work on themselves if they want to be better, people can’t learn from their mistakes if they don’t know their mistake.

AND PLEASE DONT ASSUME EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY DID WRONG. SERIOUSLY. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING THAT HURTS YOU, DOESNT MEAN THEY KNOW IT HURT ESPECIALLY IF YOU TELL THEM ITS FINE. DONT SAY SOMETHING IS OKAY IF ITS NOT REALLY OKAY AND THEN EXPECT THAT PERSON TO KNOW ITS NOT OKAY AFTER YOU JUST TOLD THEM ITS OKAY. COMMUNICATE.

AS AN OVERLY MISUNDERSTOOD AUTIST I AM BEGGING YOU TO SIMPLY TELL SOMEONE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE WRONG, BECAUSE ITS NOT ALWAYS ON PURPOSE, WORDS COME OUT WRONG SOMETIMES!!!! THEY WILL NOT LEARN WHAT WORDS UPSET YOU IF YOU DO NOT COMMUNICATE IT WITH THEM. GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE TO MAKE MISTAKES AND FIX THEM.

[lukpetrovich]

"Toxic friend is not a friend" exactly

[AureliaArte]

Ikrrr but as a person who went threw a toxic friendship its very fearful to stop hanging out with them cuz of the things they could do for "payback" considering they know where you live and stuff

[Galaxy-cat]

Gosh the way this popped up when I am struggling with my toxic friends. This a sign to drop them. Probably. Is the people pleaser in me going to keep trying… maybe we shall see

[randomgirl-the_one_of_many]

PREACH!!! Oh my gosh. I think back on some of my experiences, and they were nothing but a huge waste of my time and energy.

[RenewInfinityTrain]

I really needed to hear that right now. Thank you <3

[miachiikawa]

Our daily emotional support channel<33

[angelicdevil]

I once was in a friend group that was super miserable and toxic looking back on it, and even though it broke my heart when we all drifted apart years later I noticed that I was doing way better away from that. I could go on about what made it toxic but frankly I just want to make the point of it can be difficult to cut out toxic people from your life but it’s really worth it when that mental strain is gone

[larauccello]

That's true. The problem is when you love the toxic friend, or when the friend has a mental problem that excuses it, so you don't know what to do. I've had (and still have) a lot of fake and toxic friends, and some has severe problems, and it's so hard to speak with them, because their problems are "more important". And if i left them, I would be almost alone, and I love them so much, i dont know why.