Is Borderline Personality Disorder BAD?

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[StoneCrow]

BPD is no joke. Everyday is a nightmare.

[holzschwein]

Thank you!
My girlfriend is diagnosed with BPD, and to me it was quite hard to deal with that in the beginning as a partner. And that is exactly because of the stuff that you said, that people think BPD means being a bad person, and almost everything I looked up online made me feel even more scared.
I was scared she was going to leave me, I was scared she was lying to me and I couldn't trust her and she would be manipulating me. I was scared we would never be able to have a healthy relationship. Because that is what all the websites I found told me.
But we've been together for nearly 3 years now, and that isn't an eternity, but it it quite a long relationship at age 20, I think. And we've come to learn how to deal with each other and our emotions.
My girlfriend is one of the sweetest people I know. She never treats me with anything but respect and care. The times she tries to push me away have become so less that they are actually not even there anymore - I can't remember the last time she tried to put distance between us. I as well have learnt how to talk to her when she is in a bad place, and to leave her the room she needs to herself, and what to say to make her feel respected and loved.
I've recently realized that I'm so so lucky, because I never have a doubt in myself that my girlfriend doesn't love me, and she makes it blatantly obvious that the number one thing she cares about is my happiness.

There is still a lot of stuff that is hard on our relationship, for example not being able to spend a lot of time on each other when she is really depressed, but BPD is not a thing that is a real problem for our life as a couple, in my opinion.

I hope this is helpful to some of you guys, who may be insecure about that relationship stuff as well. No, you won't have to mistreat your partner if you have BPD, and your partner won't have to feel like shit and suffer under your presence. Your partner can feel extremely loved and supported by you.

(I hope this is okay.)

[CrazyRachel]

So accurate, my bigger fear with my bpd is that no one will believe me.. .

[mikesierra]

you're the only person on the internet that seems to be supportive and understanding of people with BPD. I feel as every person who has a video about BPD are ranting about a previous significant other and it's just pure hate coming from their mouths. Thank you for being one of the few who make myself and other people who have BPD feel better and feel less like a psychotic crazy monster. yourre the best :)

[LISUBEE]

I just recently found out that I was diagnosed with 'emotionally unstable personality tendencies' (european system, don't know the DSM code for it), so basically a (milder?) form of BPD. Thank you for this!! I am so scared of my emotions, sometimes I dissociate to not feel them, because I feel like they are not justified or they overwhelm me.
But it's true!! I've had absent caregivers when I was younger, unstable relationships with them... it just all makes sense now. I see how it's these experiences that influence me rather than myself being a bad or worthless person.

Thank you SO MUCH for this video!

[mohacs]

Hurt people hurt. I've had DBT, quit self medicating with alcohol and realise I am not a bad person.

[choosexolove]

I think the thing with BPD is that it's so hard to accept who you are, especially if you've experienced repeated trauma. Recovery is hard at first, but once you get past the anger and sadness from losing who you were before the trauma, you leave room for yourself to develop into the person you should've been all along. I have a PTSD diagnosis from child sexual abuse and could identify with much of the bpd symptomology. I hope no one ever feels that they are damaged or bad because of the things that were done to them or experiences that were out of their control. We're all worthy- take it easy on yourselves 😘

[spiritperceptions]

BPD Ex frequently smashed furniture, screamed abusive insults, bullied, kicked possessions to pieces, choked people, waved knives around... he could also be charming & caring when he wanted to...but gradually the bad times started becoming more frequent than the good & I had to get out.

[evolutionofelliot]

I used to call my BPD Bad Person Disorder instead of Borderline Personality because that's genuinely how it made me feel about myself

[PatrickAllenNL]

I have friends with bpd and I would not trade them for anything

[neophyteruss]

You are doing such great things. I was diagnosed last month, and your videos have been a tremendous instrument in my Healing. Your channel deserves every subscriber! Keep up the excellent work. :)

[YouTherapy]

Alright, Kati! I so appreciate this video. I work with so many clients with this diagnosis, and you’re right, it’s this name calling and lack of self compassion which is prevalent and causes more suffering. It’s such an incredibly painful set of symptoms to endure, and kindness to oneself despite everything one is bombarded with, is so difficult, but so essential. Thanks again!

[jessicapacheco]

I was recently diagnosed with BPD (combined with major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and substance abuse). I have to say, after many years of wondering what the hell is wrong with me, hearing that I am living with BPD was both frightening and refreshing.

Frightening, because I wondered if I would ever get better. Refreshing, because now I have a name for my behaviors. It has a face to me now, and conquering an opponent is much easier when they are visible to you.

I come from a very dark, lengthy, past of childhood traumas. From sexual to emotional to verbal to mental abuse. I have never used any of my traumas as an excuse. I’m well aware of how they have inadvertently molded me as a person, and I am well aware of how those around me suffer because of it.

About six months ago, I tried to commit suicide. It was like the demons had finally won and I just wasn’t strong enough to battle it out with them anymore. I wanted to lay down my sword and rid myself of this idea that I was not deserving of anything. By some grace of god or whoever, I stopped myself and I called out for help. And that was exactly what I got— help.

I don’t doubt that there are folks dealing with BPD that find no fault in their actions because for a long time, I was one of them. Even when I knew what I was doing was harmful, I did it anyway. I take no pride in that and I offer no excuse or validation to my actions. Some of the things I did were just flat out wrong. Hurting my loved ones because of this overwhelming sense to protect myself at all costs is not something I agree with anymore. I can’t stand behind that theory.

For a long time, I was a terrible person in times of high emotion and stress to my loved ones. My blow ups or my emotional instability were not apparent on a daily basis but when they showed up, they showed up to fuck shit up. I did and said awful and mean things. I overreacted in an unprovoked, completely disproportionate manner to things, severing relationships that I honestly did value, and I couldn’t understand why I could do such things. I would do or say such mean things and moments later, I would be in utter disbelief of how I could even think to do or say them. But once you put negativity out into the universe, it stays there. There is no taking back mean words, there are no do-overs. Things are just what I had made them.

I acknowledge that, and after trying to take my own life, I came to the realization that there is seriously something wrong with me and I would never figure out what or learn about how to better myself as a person unless I lay down my armor, my mean and sharp armor, and ask for help.

It is hurtful to read comments from the loved ones of those with BPD but I also understand because my husband is living with BPD as well, personally and romantically. (Try that out, having BPD and being married to someone with the same condition!) Whether you’re “normal” or dealing with it yourself, dealing with a person with BPD is EXHAUSTING! It will take a mental toll on you, it will beat you down to levels you never knew existed. Don’t fault those who have been victimized by someone with BPD for feeling and thinking the way they do. They have been traumatized. Traumas are how BPD is formed!

The best and most beneficial part of my recovery has been realizing, acknowledging, and accepting that my actions against my loved ones have been both unfair and damaging in their own respects. How am I ever supposed to get better as a person unless I admit who I am, why I am this way, and how I can be as a whole?

In the same regard, I do not agree that BPD is incurable— to a degree. I believe that I will more than likely struggle in some way with the symptoms of my condition but that certainly doesn’t mean that I can’t learn or gain the tools required to better handle those symptoms. I most certainly can, and I have been. I don’t think I am a bad person down to my core but I also don’t think that I’m not capable of doing or saying some fucked up shit because I know I am. However, that isn’t who or how I want to be. I don’t want to be a person that uses my condition as a platform for sympathy, while I hold little to no regard over its affects on my loved ones. And I simply just don’t want to be a shitty person to people because I have a hard time controlling my thoughts and emotions.

That is the fine line we are all missing here. There are those with BPD that simply just don’t care about the damage they cause (and I believe those folks are also dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to some extent), and there are those that do but lack the skills to make any changes. In lacking those skills, victimized loves ones can be led to believe that those with BPD can’t, won’t, and don’t want to change. That we are just bad.

It’s a classic case of learned behavior. It is learned that someone with BPD has played their role as an abuser of sorts, and therefore, all those with BPD must be abusers as well. Trauma, in its truest form.

So I will say it again, it is hurtful to read comments from people who have been victimized by someone with BPD but they are also entitled to those emotions and opinions, just as I am entitled to feel and think the way I do because of my traumas. It is what it is. Own your faults and wrongdoings and then do better! Plain and simple.

[huwhiteknight]

I was with the most incredible woman for three years, went to a therapist 150 times during this relationship trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t please this person and she kept breaking up with me and getting back together. There is no question now I have lost her for good, I switched counselors and finally figured out after all this time that I have BPD. I’m very angry that I didn’t know earlier, because this person meant the world to me.

[polly]

Thank you I really needed this. No one understands what it's like, people always say I'm oversensitive but I just can't set my emotions aside when I'm "triggered."

[AntonioYatJr]

Watching this, sobbing. I can’t stand myself when I get so defensive and toxic. It truly is so overwhelming and lonely.

[icantremembermyname]

You are amazing! It literally took me every single day for two years of having to stop my self when ever i would become negative and angry and say "No! im not thinking like this anymore, I dont want to be like this, I want positivity in my life" and it has worked tremendously although I do still have my moments. Im at a point in my life where I feel I can handle a relationship as well, unlike when I was younger which is great, but I am still kind of nervous of pushing a lover away but im going for it im not letting that stop me!

[toskasnail]

oh my god, this is such an important video. When I suspected I had BPD (was diagnosed later) all I saw was every article, website and book saying how crazy people with BPD are and how nobody should ever be close to them, and dating isn't even an option so I pushed my friends away, and threw away my idea of ever having a relationship of any kind so I wouldn't hurt them.

[stephendare]

I have BPD and what hurts me is the loneliness this illness causes, I have become cold and bitter over the years because of the way people have treated me.

[daniellalove]

You are awesome Katie. my sister has this and has suffered deep trauma throughout her life. She can be very challenging at times with her fibbing, manipulating, and extreme emotions, but I love her, support her, and understand. She is not bad, just hurting, and has a lot to deal with. Thanks for making this video. You rock. 💛