Understanding Autistic Rage - Impact on Self-Worth #autism

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd

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[MunchkinByProxy]

This really hits hard. I've experienced what my mom used to call tantrums a lot throughout my life, particularly in childhood. Through the reactions of the people that saw those moments, I learnt that it was bad and I should hide my big emotions. I got so good at it, that now I've been in therapy for many years but struggle to make progress because I've grown so distant from all my emotions throughout my life.

Now, I understand that it is autistic rage that I experienced (and still sometimes experience) but I struggle to get back to accepting and managing such emotions.

Just the other day, after a particularly overstimulating and high-masking weekend with my partners family, I felt this and instinctively ran to a dark room away from people, trying to not make a fuss and disturb the people in my household, and hid in the room trying to "tame" the rage I was feeling. I was told to hide it, that it was bad, that a girl should not act that way, when I was young. Even worse, the shock and horror on people's faces when it burst through at school or other social events, linked with comments from peers that I was scary. It is difficult to break from that deeply instilled shame.

[martywilsonlife]

The man I love has occasional autistic rage. Now that I realize what is going on, instead of flinching and acting as though I don't deserve that kind of rage, I move in closer and ask him to explain about why whatever it is is bothering him.

That seems to calm him down. Once I realized that he means no harm and can recover relatively quickly, it stopped being as big an issue.

Also, not that autism has anything to do with psychosis, but many people are finding relief from a variety of issues via ketogenic therapy. My friend is extremely strict with his diet and I have noticed that with this conviction to what he eats, his moods are much more positive.

Thank you so very much for this video short. It's a big help.

[LilChuunosuke]

Almost every time I calm down from autistic rage, I run off to my room to cry because I feel so horrible. So many people have told me that these episodes of rage portray my "true self" and how I actually feel inside as opposed to how I regularly carry myself in my relaxed state when that could not be further from the truth. I always hate myself in a rage state. I'm disgusted with the things I say. I employ every mechanism in my power to minimize the damage of my rage, but I cannot fully control myself when I'm in that state.

[nicolakunz]

I always lost any friends I made after a meltdown, even as an Adult, I would leave where ever I had hidden myself, wash my face and be Sure everyone had washed thier hands of me. I'm nearly 40! And its slowly sinking in that it's OK to not be OK and communicating helps!

[adamtobin]

Omg autistic rage around safety issues describes me but also my undiagnosed father perfectly. This is wildly helpful stuff O. Thank you.

[KPaul]

It is just so hard. I have had so many meltdowns over the years. That now I internalize them and I just have a panic attack. It is like I am always nervous. I can't even go to a grocery store.

[codym]

Definitely ruined a couple of friendships thanks to my inability to regulate myself... Worked for a life long friend as a mechanic, but I hadn't identified that my job was creating really bad regulation issues. Blew up as hard as i ever have one day, got fired, and lost my single longest standing friend.. Sucks..

[MyWits_End]

I think a crucial factor in this discussion is the reaction to the ’outburst’. Often these intense emotions come from fear, immense overwhelm or deep frustration and are borne from feeling deeply alone, misunderstood and mistreated (whether intentionally or unintentionally).
I’d be curious to see what would happen in most cases if the person experiencing the emotional tsunami was not met with fear or disdain or judgement but was instead met with calm, compassion and a genuine attempt at understanding… 🤷‍♀️🙊

[geenskeen]

Would love to hear ideas about what to do about autistic rage, from both the rage feeler and the people caught in the blast zone. As an autistic person what does not experience autistic rage with a friend that does, it truly is a difficult situation to navigate. I have compassion that it is hard on them, and it is also hard on me. There is no clear solution to meet everyone's needs. I can't just accept the violent behavior that scares me no matter what the cause. Are there regulation strategies and damage mitigation techniques they could try, or is it truly out of their control?

[aellalee]

I struggled with this as a kid. I was able go keep from going off outside of home pretty well. When I did go off on people I barely managed to maintain my arguments but I did just enough that the subject of my rage ran away but I never got in trouble.

Eventually I decided I had too much anger all the time so I got into yoga and meditation. Helped immensely for me since I stumbled on stuff the works for me. I still blow up once in a while, but it's years between now.

[rafaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This is making me cry. Spot on, unfortunately… But when you try to communicate this to people, you are just making excuses. I hate it

[WillemPenn]

Continues to ruin friendships for me. Then someone pointed out these people don’t like me *because* of a trait of my disability. That changed my perspective on feeling guilty or ashamed about it.

It is like someone being mad at an epileptic person because an epileptic person has a seizure, especially when the so-called friend has flashed a strobe light in the epileptic person’s face.

[Pete_]

I commented in a previous video on autistic rage about me throwing plates at a wall. I also have outbursts. I am really not a violent person. It just happens. I feel a lot of shame because of this.

[renroxhrd]

When I was a kid I didn't know I was autistic and people thought I was emotionally disturbed because of meltdowns

[fitcoachmarshall]

Bro… you should talk to some ASD combat Veterans… TBIs, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, ASD all conjoined can cause moments of serious rage.
Now imagine the epidemic that the future holds for all veterans with multiple TBIs and deterioration of Mylene sheaths. Early age dementia, anger issues, etc is a normal thing, add that to those already born neurologically different, and those also exposed to neurotoxins on top of TBIs…. Through my eyes/knowledge/experience, the future is not very bright. Sounds depressing… but look at the state of the world on top of all the things we’re learning and ways mankind are conducting themselves. It’s not very hard to see the future. You don’t have to be psychic, just willing to learn and think on things. Aaaaand there’s my ASD. 😂

[anon.decoding_card]

If they don't like me, they are discarded no matter how much I like them. There is no horror about this.

We cannot live like dogs chasing cars. It's loathsome

[angelalovell]

Always worse for femme kids and people. I learned to internalise mine, obviously to my personal detriment, but I have male allistic friends who just let their rage fly at a moment's notice, because society told them it's acceptable.

[ohkay]

It's funny people know how I am going to respond and then they re surprised

[thehomelesshebrews]

Yes!! I am an AuDHDer, and I have RAGE ALL THE TIME, ESPECIALLY if my or someone else's safety is compromised; if I am OVERSTIMULATED; OVERWHELMED, etc...I am also bipolar with a mood/anxiety disorder; OCD AND C-PTSD. I have so much RAGE, and I am embarrassed when I lose control. I can't stop it all the time. It's like a wave I have NO CHOICE but to allow it to drop me down to the ground/ dragging me kicking and screaming under water until I am back on land again, and I can take control again. THAT'S when I am overcome with guilt/shame, and apologize. Now my two older children (27 and 33) won't even speak to

[annajohnson]

I wish I would have known as much as I am learning from your channel, years ago. I lost my son 5 years ago...