How to Re-Attract A Dismissive Avoidant | Coach Court

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Why the DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT attract but can't keep partners

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coach court, breakup, ex back, avoidant ex, fearful avoidant, mental health

[susanrudge]

After 3 months of no contact my ex DA sent me a meme.We are now bk together after 14 wks apart

[cassandratarotspells]

This relationship dynamic is so toxic for the person who is not DA. It can trigger a person to be an anxious attacher. The fact that the first letter basically said he will change himself for the next person 🤦🏽‍♀️ because they are too lazy to fix the damage that they did to their past partner (really says it all). As soon as I see DA, I block. My life is too precious to waste on accumulating trauma from underdeveloped partners

[tyronejackson]

Good advice. The DA attachment style is the most difficult to talk to after a break up. They refuse to communicate and you have to go no contact, period.

[wendydaniel]

When you leave a DA its a gift. The cost is too high especially after you have healed snd know you deserve better than an unhealthy person.

[charleesummertv]

Reading some of these comments helps out a lot. Its been a little over a year and Im still struggling with the break up. Hearing others experiences and being able to identify with what theyve went through help put my mind at some sort of ease. But I will NEVER talk to that motherf@%#^&# again in my entire life. I dont know if its considered self love or dignity but I refuse to let myself go through that again.

[antonioavitabile]

It's a crazy dynamic 😂 I am self-aware. I realised everything she did to me. Our problem was that me asking for transparency affected her "independence." I've worked on myself to become more secure, but with her, I spiralled into being anxious again. Despite all this, I would go back with her in a second. I have an option. I've put myself out there. I just can't get her and the life we wanted together out of my mind. I really thought she'd be my person

[nataliel]

The issue is if they’re not working on their avoidance this pattern will just rinse and repeat every time you get close again

[devfromhoustonn]

Honestly, this by far the best explanation of how to retract a DA. A lot of the other coaches are regurgitating the same content about working on yourself and such ( which is important and I’m not saying don’t do that) but the way this coach breaks it down is very understandable and easy to digest. I’ve definitely subscribed and plan on watching a lot more videos.

[msanonymous]

You can marry a DA and they can still be a DA and run away
They just show it in a different situation and leave you
There is no „end station“ with an DA
My husband and I broke up after 1, 5 years of dating
We got married and after 10 years of relationship and 6 years married he went on a trip, didn‘t want me to be with him and never returned
That was 4 months ago

[sheliasmith]

And my take is why would we go back to the emotional abuse they put us through. And if they don't do the work which most of them don't the cycles go on with other people as well.I heard someone say that being with an avodent is like being in a room with the dead. I gave my all 2 years a very secure person and got dumped 2 weeks ago.So i have nothing good to say about these people. They will waste your time which we cant get back.

[tyronejackson]

I broke up with my DA ex girlfriend two months ago and she’s a whole different person now. I don’t even recognize this person. The coldness and the callouness in which she responds and or ignores is palpable. The best you can do is go no contact. I pursued hard, would barely get a response. I just abruptly stopped & I'm in no contact now.

[Darkwave]

Why would i want to go though that nightmare Hell no !!!!

[AnaCardenas-fd]

I broke no contact with " Hope you got day drunk and a pretty waitress hit on you. Thinking of you." He laughed at it, and sent a "no day drunk for me 😘" text, then I asked if he would be at the gym and he said "god willing, luv." He responded within seconds. I did this after he sent the meme, then a random text, then two thinking of you texts that I responded to all of them in a neutral tone. Hopefully this gets him out of his shell. I've also been in therapy for over 4 years and when I first met him in April, I was triggered by his behavior. But it exposed wounds I needed to heal and am healing or have healed. I wouldn't be able to do this if I hadn't worked on myself. I still question but I'm getting better. This person taught me alot about what I needed to work on within myself. this is the first contact after I have healed some stuff within. Let's see how it goes.

[michaelpedley]

I am recovering AP with a DA ex. I was unaware of attachment theory until I began researching after the breakup (My DA ex pulled the rug from under me after the first few signs of conflict). Being the AP, I have already made the mistakes such as the protest behavior and privacy invasion (I am NOT proud of it, but have acknowledged why I did things and have worked on correcting my behavior). I'm hoping that, despite the things that have occurred since the breakup, no contact, along with my work work on rebuilding my relationship to self will allow me to show my ex (who is currently rebounding herself) that I have matured and am ready to work on the relationship again.

[McD-jr]

I am a secure attachment relating to a avoidant. Since I have other interests I keep around but it’s a real pain relate to a reticent person that doesn’t have a clue how much deeper a couple can go in all dimensions and plus realize and accomplish things together they can do. It’s like chewing without swallowing. Really not ok. By many reasons I must stay and it’s ok after-all we can understand and learn and i intend to learn how to be self sufficient anyway. I don’t recommend it for the young tho. Don’t loose your time if your focus is to realize things in couple. It never will require growth from you. Unless you are interested to grow lots of patience.

[lizevanderwesthuizen]

I have been in a ldr for 2 years and 10 months. The DA ex wanted a break 1st, 2 weeks in he said he was happier with me that he truly loves me and dont want to loose me. 2 weeks after that he broke up with me permanently. Yes I did beg, Im anxious... but then I will go no contact and he will reach out. But still he says it is done. He didnt block me anywhere. He isnt breadcrumbing because he will leave and block... but he treats me differently

[KD-hybi]

The relationship I had with my person was always beautiful and always peaceful until we started getting deeper and then he would pull back. He always came back and I never harped on him for his withdrawal and then he told me he loved me so much because I was so consistent and never angry with him while he was working through his traumas. He never got actual help until recently. He is now in a program to help him with his healing. And I love that for him. But he did move away and is now 2000 miles away and after nine months of him having moved away distance has caused some riffs between us because I feel like if he really loved me, he would not have moved away and he would’ve waited until I could’ve joined him. Joining him is literally nine months from now when my youngest daughter goes to college and I don’t have to, be an active in home parent anymore. All dissolved so quickly. My house is on the market to sell and I was going to be moving in with him and nine months and now it’s over and I have no idea what my future looks like.

[Chloeeee]

My ex boyfriend who’s an avoidant broke up with me. It’s been 3 months of no contact. It’s so hard for me to be the one who has to reach out first because I’m a girl and I don’t want to be the one pursuing him especially when I was the one who was dumped. I don’t know what to do! 😭

[ketor]

"Start pourin' more..." LMAO for a second I thought to myself "Wtf here's a coach who's breaking new ground by advising their followers to turn to p*rn to help cope with an avoidant". Sorry Coach, don't mean no disrespect, but that brought a smile to my face. I needed that :)

[AnimeNewsRadio]

Also, post a profile photo that avoidant reminds that character you have. I have an avoidant loves my profile photo way back and she goes excited about it, her favorite anime series and calls out.