How do you get a dismissive avoidant to commit?

Want to bring up commitment with your avoidant date, but fear they’ll run?

Dismissive avoidants (DAs) tend to push commitment for as long as possible. If you’re dating a DA, it’s important to understand why this happens – yet honor yourself, your needs, and boundaries.

Watch today’s video, where Thais gives you the exact words to say to discuss commitment while minimizing the risk of scaring your DA!

Are you in a relationship with a DA? How did you bring up commitment? Share below!


#dismissiveavoidant #dismissiveavoidantattachmentstyle #attachmenttheory #integratedattachmenttheory #personaldevelopmentschool

[loverofbeautifulthings]

I can imagine them listening to you saying all that, nodding their head in agreement, and then never contacting you ever again, haha.

[joycejones]

This is such a long dance when your feet are tired.

[lindsay]

Wait, dismissive avoidants are usually the ones hurling out the ultimatums. It's their way or the highway.

[brn]

Then I get my statements answered with impossible questions (or feel impossible to me as AP/FA) like “you don’t think I’m honest” or “so you can stop loving me if I don’t….” It’s like he’s ready to take offence but I think he knows as I’m primarily AP he can play offended and I will begin to tell him what he wants to hear like “everything is perfect as is and you are a wonderful boy friend” (not boyfriend lol) I don’t want to call him a narc but he’s definitely a strategist and I hate feeling like a chaser. I want to be pursued at least equally.

[sifublack]

Coming from a DA perspective, just be direct. If they're not interested, walk away. This may be the best way to say it though. 🤷🏿‍♂️

[lindsay]

Lol they will walk away from this conversation. Good luck even having them sit down long enough to say this to their face. If you do, they will flip out and stonewall.

[yveqeshy]

I feel like avoidant people waste alot of time with their refusal to indulge in the stuff that's actually going to move the relationship forward because they are stuck in that space where they don't feel safe to open up and create the opportunity for growth. This is the real challenge with dealing with avoidants. As the partner of an avoidant person, you have to get to the point where you decide whether you will stay in the relationship and let things unfold at that very slow pace, if they ever do, or if it's best to walk away.

[sewgeekdesigns]

I say this and then I get the I love you but I’m not ready for a relationship text….and the cycle continues. This time I said my peace and took my space….😅

[Claaasic]

I’d love to be able to express myself like this!

[rashidarowe]

I can't commit, and risk getting my heart broken, I rather no title at all, I know it's not practical. But I am so afaid of getting hurt.

[Slm]

He would get angry off at me saying this

[konvict]

They wont do it nor will they stick around to listen. Before you even get the word "progress" out of youe mouth they are already halfway out the door if not completely throigh it.

[GetLifeEnergy]

I spent almost five years not getting a commitment from someone and, I don't know~ was that a waste of time? At some point you have to accept living with uncertainty, or let go.

[m.]

They say yes, and then they don't act on it.

[jasonbeyer]

Progressive interest transparency application 101 👍

[saraloug]

Don’t bother…this conversation will go down like a lead balloon. Walk away from these people while you still have the will.

[lavaticascloset]

It’s like you get that they’re dismissive avoidant without actually getting that they are dismissive avoidant. You’re chasing which makes them run. You can’t negotiate someone to have a different nature than what they have either you like them or you don’t. As an outside observer, it just seems like it would be much easier to find a different person that pursued you the way that you wanted. Huge population!

[lorealkids]

I dated an FA who had a LOT of time, lol! He never sees any relationship as a waste of time, even if it didnt work. He feels like it was simply an opportunity to learn abd grow. I agree and disagree with that, lol!!

[coppersense]

Okay, based on the tone of the comments I'd like to jump in here now, being sincere and open to the pushback, both as a healing DA myself and as someone who has had the frustration of dating DA guys.
My first thought after watching the video was, okay this is a good assertion on the DA partner's side, now what is in it for the DA?
Feels like, obviously Thais can take for granted a dating partner's infatuation, and we should all approach dating with our high desirability as a given.
So, asking for a friend, say low self-esteem has played a role in a FWB situations hip one might find themselves in. Is it appropriate to walk that back, and how, without seeming punitive?

[walkertranger]

If you are with a DA …. Leave ! Matter of fact,
Make haste to leave . Run! Run far away.
I wish I would have had this video and other videos by Gibson 8 years ago.