Why Your Fearful Avoidant Ex Might Reach Out | Fearful Avoidant Attachment & Relationships

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So after you break up, your fearful avoidant ex reaches out. What does that mean?...in this video, we go over some of the reasons this attachment style may reach out or want to stay friends after your relationship ended. As with everything, this has to do with subconscious beliefs and programming, so while every case is unique and the actual reasons may vary, this is a high-level explanation of the common ways this attachment style may want to remain friends with you after your breakup.

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[disappearingink]

Yes!!! I feel so understood! 💚 I don't open myself up to just anyone, so when I do, it seems "wrong" somehow to go back to being strangers. I recently extended an olive branch to my ex and they accepted but then pulled away again and it hurt so much. Not because I want them back as a partner but because our connection *meant* something to me---so realizing that they don't want the same feels like them stripping away that meaning.

[fsol]

I don't want my FA back, I just wanna know if they even missed me a bit. It's like I wanna know they have actual human emotions and are not just traumatized jerks.

[salvomig]

Soooo, let me sum it up for you. They just want to keep you in their orbit while they’ve completely shut down their romantic feelings for you. Gotcha lol

[monohydrate]

tldr: avoid fearful avoidants at all costs

[brandyjones]

This is the most selfish ish I ever heard of. You have already broken up with me. Now you won’t allow me to lick and heal my wounds because you continue to throw salt in them every time “YOU” feel guilty? This is exactly how the relationship goes. Everything is about catering to their emotions. And the breakup continues to be more of the same. Life with an FA

[CBeck]

Steer away from people with an on/off switch

[teemeey]

As an Anxious one, Never getting with an FA again… hated it so much 😅

[thrashingdemon]

offering friendship to a person whom you know to have invested emotions toward you is insulting. what you are suggesting is for that person to put your emotional comfort before their own mental health. you are offering them to be a pet. you have already conveyed the message to them that they aren't "good enough" for you. and now you want to rob them from their humanity by making them a place holder for your self esteem, let them go! if you even care for them a tiny bit let them go and let them heal. its disgusting how selfish it is for "avoidants" to feel entitled to to a persons presence and how arrogant and cold it is, how they just "dont understand" why they wouldn't want to be friends.

[culalamola]

And there's no option of an FA reaching out because they love you in a romantic way?

There's a sensation of frustration for the ex partner of an FA. I think that what FA people feel is love, but they don't allow themselves to feel it in a romantic way. So it's like they settle for a friendship with their beloveds... Sometimes is a superficial friendship also, without a lot of intimacy. If FA people could understand that they are loved and capable to have beautiful relationships, I guess there would be a lot of happy people out there.🙏❤️

[CB-mkjg]

My FA dropped me like a hot potato and casually moved on.

[ashleighbowie]

Omg Thais I legit *just* stopped myself from reaching out to my ex last night! This is so timely 🤣

[Vatan]

A FA not ‘healed’ is unfortunately just a hook up or a rebound unless you want to suffer and lose time.

[lauraschleifer]

Yes, the idea of just going back to being "strangers" after a breakup is TERRIFYING, absolutely TERRIFYING to me as an FA. It is one of the biggest reasons why I fear letting anyone get that close to me in the first place. I have absolutely no idea how people can just freeze each other out like that...it really makes me feel like the fact that they can do such things means that they never really had any real depth of feeling for their ex in the first place--it was all just transactional, just based on a need to fill a void, and once they've found someone else to fulfill that need, the one who came before no longer matters to them at all. :'( :'( :'(

[flashman]

Don't give them your time they don't deserve it .they just wreck people's lives and move on .After years of fake love and connection

[DrowningAreYou]

I'm an FA, and I cannot continue to be friends with an ex. I can't reach out. I can't because if I do, the feelings instantly come back. The only way to let it go, is to let them go completely. I can always be cordial, but I can't be a friend, use an ex as emotional support, etc. I'm very strict about it because I've gone back to exes in the past after just 1 conversation, only for the "new" relationship to fail way worse than the first one. I honestly don't know how people can be friends with an ex without having those strong moments of remembering why you used to be into that person.

[wutabeta]

Wow! No contact becomes all the more important now lol

[kittykat.]

I'm confused. My FA/DA ex ended it 3 times over 4 years and has reached out and we got back together twice. This time around there has been no contact at all for like 6 months and this breakup really came out of the blue and shocked me to my core.

[emangrabogadi]

Wow this is sooo trueee!!!! Non of my DA exes want to be friends, but all she said is exactly why id want to be friends with an ex lol. Literally see them as a friend, and can still care for people from the past years later especially if I truly opened up. Haha.

Id want to see why a Secure would want to stay friends. Thank you

[TheRhythmKnights]

It’s discouraging to hear that my FA has permanently shut down the romantic component of our relationship. Are you saying that there is no chance for romance in the future? She’s reaching out rather desperately asking if we’re still friends.

[dst]

I think you leave FA off the hook. Behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum and it seems you give them a pass on horrific behavior often. They use people and they know it on some level.