Why The Fearful Avoidant Shuts Out The Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style | Attachment Styles

Join PDS for free with our 7-day free trial

The Fearful Avoidant & Anxious Preoccupied Relationship (Webinar Course)

In this video we talk about the dynamic between the fearful avoidant and the anxious preoccupied attachment style, especially when the fearful avoidant shuts out the anxious preoccupied. I'll explain why they do it, and what are some things we can do from either side to create more understanding in this particular relationship dynamic.

---

Public Facebook group:

If you want to listen in, check out Thais' podcast here:

I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

---

#FearfulAvoidant #AnxiousPreoccupied #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipCommunication #CoreWounds

---

[tucky]

Healing FAs I know it’s easier said than done but please try to express what your needs are instead of assuming the other person doesn’t care about them and therefore not trusting them. 💔💔

[ICRK]

15 years with a Fearful avoidant. Once I started focusing on myself and believing that love was meant for me my FA showed up. My FA holds me tight when we cuddle. He's been opening up more slowly. I love him and I have the patience to make this work. I hope everyone all the best and my advice is to love yourself first. Also you must come from a place of happiness from within. They mirror your actions and behaviors. So if you happen to be more happy and open that can rub off on them. Just encourage them by showing up and practicing the behaviors you would like to see. You have to remember that every adult has the inner child inside them. You have to be that parent for them when they can't be that for themselves. It's showing compassion and understanding. Listen intently and not to respond. When you paraphrase their concerns or feelings you are really validating them on a deep level. They feel heard and seen. I always reassure my FA of my intentions and what I am saying and what it means. They aren't used to clear communication. They grew up in an environment where nothing was safe. They have deep trust issues. I freely give trust now because that's the only way to lead by example. I love myself which allows me to give love freely.

[sweetnothingsasmr]

I wish I could just deactivate like avoidants. I’m so sick of caring about people that push me away.

[recklessmermaid]

FA here... I really appreciated the distinction between DA moving from a place of fear versus FAs moving from a sense of betrayal. Ive realized that when i cut people off, it's because they don't seem to respect my boundaries or listen when I try to share how I feel about things. I've ended a couple friendships because i felt like my friends demands and expectations were unreasonable and selfish

[henryzhao]

Obviously the problem is the FA never communicates they need space

[felixthecat]

"Why The Fearful Avoidant Shuts Out The Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style"
Also known as my last relationship.

[roshalllambert]

I love the way she expressed the difference between how it’s different for DAs and FAs

[juliamissgoolia]

This blowssss. I love someone so much and this is our dynamic. So painful for me (AP). I don't think I can do it.

[jenaya_laila]

Hello Thais. I'm a FA. I'm not only hot and cold in relationships but also in life in general. I want something really badly and then when I'm about to get it I become unsure and start doubting to the point that I push the opportunity away. This goes with everything. Jobs, moving countries, travel, even moving house e.t.c Could you make a video about the FA hot and cold behaviour in life decisions? Thank you!
C

[nellautumngirl]

Interesting! In our case, I thankfully eventually understood that there's no point in pressuring my FA partner. He is independent and always hard-working, I never have to tell him to do housework, make appointments, apply for jobs. I love that he's so independent. But I can't expect him to give me something he can't. I have to learn how to soothe and trust myself again. It's a learning curve, but without him I wouldn't have realized how disconnected I am from MY needs!

[IsaiahWG]

Wicked crazy how accurate this is to a T.

[jodenise]

We broke up today, I am a anxious preoccupied and hes a fearful avoidant . And I felt everything you said. He shut me down when I tried to explain myself, create his own narrative of me demanding and expecting too much and not being appreciative of him when I just wanted to express my fear of loosing him and was looking for reassurance . I fear he will stay in his ego and never talk to me again.

[djpdyson]

Oh the irony of the FA questioning what about me when ultimately the whole relationship ends up being about them and keeping them in their comfort zone while receiving nothing back

[tucky]

Thais you worded and explained this so well. It feels deeply validating to me to hear you talk about both parts of responsibility in this as an AP who took all the blame on myself. So so so very frustrating, as I’m working toward secure it feels sad to me that I couldn’t help them see how I saw and the potential to communicate through misunderstandings. It hurt to see them seemingly very committed to their misunderstanding of me. Your school has been a stand in for me to understand her experience when the explanation could not come from her.

[LG-lydi]

This is the exactly what happened with my ex and I! I’ve watched so many videos on this where it kinda touched on my issue, but this one really described me and her. I wish I felt comfortable enough to send her this video, but she’s so distant with me right now! As the AP in my situation, I’d just like her to understand that I didn’t mean to be pushy.. And I would’ve listened to her had she just opened up and talk to me about how she feels

[live.life.secure.coaching]

This is my dynamic with my mother. I'm the FA leaning somewhat AP and my mother is AP with FA volatility. We both always feel like pulling our hair out when we get into fights. We get stuck in the same cycles. When it's good, we get on fantastic but when it's bad, it's awful and I want to disappear and never come back. It's the worst roller-coaster ever.

[Herewegolins]

So true about the re-emerging then pulling back again that’s what I’m experiencing.

[DEmersonJMFM]

Perspective is so important. Many times the intent of a behavior isn't bad, but it might not be received that way to another person. I know I get much more anxious when I don't understand so I have to remember to balance clear communication without totally freaking out and seeming demanding when something doesn't match my perspective. Increase patience, show trust, and most importantly listen.

[jzen]

I try my very best to respond to texts as quickly as possible but sometimes it's not possible due to work or erratic sleep schedule. When dealing with anxiously attached people, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells as I make sure my phone isn't on silent and to respond ASAP. And then dealing with their passive aggressiveness or sense of rejection will annoy me. But I'm also a people pleaser so will strive hard to meet an unmeetable expectation. This will build resentment in me mostly because I'm very forgiving, accepting of other people's faults, and constantly trying my best to improve my faults and sometimes it feels unfair for the same level of forgiveness and acceptance not being returned to me. It's like I'm doing all the forgiving while being given very little leeway.

[gloriam]

I wish you all the blessings in the world because the amount of time and genuine effort you put into your daily videos are admirable. Peace and love to you, and as always a warm thank you