Do I Have Adult Attachment Disorder?

Do I have Adult Attachment Disorder? Adult Attachment Styles--When a child develops an attachment disorder during the first years of life, chances are, a lot of the symptoms will carry into adult relationships with him. Because attachment disorders basically mean you weren’t properly nurtured by your caregiver in the first three years, beliefs were developed at that point, things like whether you could trust others, whether they would consistently be there for you, whether they would do you harm, etc.

Do I Have Adult Attachment Disorder?

VIDEOS mentioned:
Recovery Series
Adverse Childhood Experiences Explained
Adult Adaptations from Childhood Trauma
Understanding Self-Regulation

Recommended Resources:
I Don't Want A Therapist! 90 Day Companion Guide

Attachment Style Quiz:

Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie

Free Ace Test:

Free "Childhood Emotional Neglect" Quiz:

ACE Pyramid of Lifelong Effects:

Maladaptive Behavior Checklist:

FIND A TRAUMA INFORMED THERAPIST:

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ACEs or Adverse Childhood Experiences are the negative things that happened to or around us during our developmental years. Things like Emotional neglect, physical or sexual abuse, violence in the home, mental illness of a caregiver, etc. There are ten listed on the official ACE test, which was created by the Kaiser Institute in the 90’s, but it only includes the ten most common adverse experiences. There are many more. And sadly, most ACEs happen to a child before the age of three, according to studies done since the ACE test was created. ACEs repeatedly trigger a child's fight-or-flight stress response. This occurs because emotions associated with coping with ACEs, like anger, fear, frustration, shame, humiliation, anxiety, for example, keep triggering the fight-or-flight stress response.
As the child grows up, they often begin to develop social, emotional and cognitive impairments; some are mild, below the radar, and others are severe.
The child develops coping mechanisms, or adaptations, to survive his or her environment. And unfortunately, these adaptations are most often brought into adulthood and remain until a person goes through trauma recovery.
Addiction is not a disease or genetic tendency that strikes us; it’s a coping mechanism that tends to run in families or societies (again, not genetically, but environmentally).
Addiction is merely pain relief. Stigmatized pain relief, but pain relief all the same. A shopaholic and workaholic are trying to excite and release the same brain chemicals as a substance user, as a way of avoiding pain, underlying feelings that seem too difficult to tolerate in that moment.

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[leahtheobald]

Thanks for watching, Everyone. Please let me know your biggest takeaway or "aha" moment in the comments.

[psychicrenegade]

Some people are okay with not having close bonds or attachments to other people...because that bond makes them vulnerable. The more attached you are to a person, the more they can deceive and manipulate you for their own personal gain. That is what I learned from my biological family when I was growing up. Both parents were narcissists and psychopaths, who only cared about themselves, and enjoyed causing pain and distress. I also had five older sisters, but they all became my mother's flying monkeys...always working for her on some secret agenda...never daring to question their leader...demonizing me for nothing more than breaking away from their control, and living my own life as an adult.

[primovid]

I'm 58 years old and just discovered I (absolutely) have Insecure Attachment Disorder with avoidant attachment. This after having seen 7+ therapists over a lifetime 🙄

[lindaurban]

If we only understood these things earlier in our adult life. So helpful to connect the dots in relationship problems. Good stuff.

[skuggie]

Low self worth, always afraid people will abandon me, very dependant on having people as friends or whatever to go to, and well I'm not AFRAID of relationships, but I don't feel the urge to get involved in anything either sexually or romantically. I have never (let myself get?) Been interested in a relationship with someone and yes the idea of having sex does definitely terrify me although I can't exactly put my finger on WHY. My best guess is because it's something really intimate? I'm aaaalways scared to dissapoint, be too awkward, fail to meet people expectations of me (which are probably expactations I made up myself, but am fully convinced they do have expectations and am constantly afraid to mess up and be sent away (doesn't help that I've been sent away from horsebarns (my passion and dreamcarreer) and sort of abandoned by friends several times (17 years and onwards) as well.

I'm only halfway accross the video😅

[jesselee]

I wish I'd known earlier. I was raised very religiously. I have had this my whole life and it's complete torture! It's the only way to describe it. It seemed as if I drove everyone who cared away in my life and that's the worst feeling in the world!

[shaniquawells]

I have Secure Attachment Disorder because everything Leah Theobald described about it, this relates to how I have been through infant to adulthood lately due to the fact I have loss by biological mother. Thank You Leah Theobald, you're amazing to explain about this issue.

[PUABored]

I would also say that if an adult has attachment disorder they suffered at the hands of more than just insufficient parenting. Mistreatment and bullying at the hands of one's peers can also compound the problem. In addition other support structures that are supposed to aid in nurturing the child such as schools often are notorious for doing nothing to provide the child with the supports that the child needs……Well back in the ‘80’s they were inept.


IMO this leads straight to addictions such as pornography and maybe heroin.

[samanthamaria]

I can’t find much on Attachment disorders or treatment, for the UK at least 😩

[psychicrenegade]

My father tried to kill my mother on a regular basis during the first 6 years of my life. After the eventual divorce, my father threw us out into the street, we became homeless, and my mother became an alcoholic. She didn't stop drinking until it was court-ordered after being arrested (in front of me) for her 3rd DUI. The court sent her to AA and gave her random drug tests. But she was a blackout drunk until I was about 12 years old. Then she decided to marry the biggest asshole should could find...after meeting him at AA and discovering that he was secretly rich. She then let HIM abuse me daily until I escaped from them after turning 18. He sexually assaulted me as a teenager...and my mother knows...she just doesn't care. His money matters more to her than her child.

[susancanter]

: I came here to research my adopted daughter. Lots have been revised in the last twenty five years. My ah ha: I have attachment disorder and never realized it. Tons of therapy has pretty much helped me overcome it. Explains a lot.

[susankenna]

Hi! I enjoyed this description of the different styles I wanted to ask for clarification on secure bd anxious attachment. Can one have a secure childhood attachment, but due to specific events in later childhood or young adulthood that person develops a secondary 1anxious attachment ? TY

[fibetyjibets]

I literally learned about R.A.D. last night, but as it was associated with abuse and sounded like it resonates with things I know of my traumatic childhood, my interest is high. However, this is a lot to consider.

[LG-wmnw]

This was extremely helpful. Thank you.

[CheesusSVT]

Learning to live with what you have and find your happy place in life. Great video and thanks for making it Leah. 😁😎 It's very interesting to think about how our mind develops over our lives. I guess this is why they say the more we age the stronger we become.

[Srindal]

Have you ever heard of people who are overly attached to socialisation?

[mirakihana]

So I was diagnosed with attachment disorder as an adult but I don’t feel that I fit into any of these 🤔

[TheFriendlyPsychopath]

A woman I have sex with thinks I have this disorder because I never experienced a attachment with someone before, what she doesn’t know is I was diagnosed with primary psychopathy, I only pretend to act a certain way to get what i want from that person.

[mountainmama]

Could the "Cry it out" method at bedtime create an attachment disorder if the baby's (if used after they are 12m) needs are met during the day?

[fibetyjibets]

Are you talking about rad or is this separate?