Perfectionism – The Battle of Never Feeling Quite Good Enough | Julia LeGallo | TEDxTruro

[Bluesnakes]

For perfectionists, ten affirmations that help me, & I hope will help others:

1. I accept myself and others regardless of the results produced. Every effort is MEANINGFUL.
2. I appreciate myself and others regardless of the results of our efforts.
3. I deserve proper breaks.
4. I am good enough whether I succeed or fail.
5. I reward myself even if I think I don’t “deserve” it. I deserve to feel reward and satisfaction.
6. I hold myself accountable to reasonable standards, based on my emotional, mental, physical needs (not based on an idea of “perfect”)
7. I care and focus on GROWTH and LEARNING, not on being “good enough.” I am always good enough.
8. I celebrate my failures and learn from the experience.
9. I am defined by my human ability to love, not by my ability to produce results.
10. I wanted to write TEN affirmations but couldn’t think of another to make TEN... and that’s OK. 👌🏼

Not a “perfect” list, but that doesn’t make it any less valuable! Write your own and share 😃

[marylander]

I was raised to have perfectionist tendencies by getting subtle messages from my father that his love was conditional upon my professional successes. And that my “inconvenient” emotions were not acceptable to him, ie. not allowed to express negative emotions. Therapy and journaling helped me but meditation made the biggest difference for me by basically helping my brain undo the negative feedback loop it was on.

[stringtheory-zi]

I'm wondering why more people aren't searching for this topic. This brightened my day, and I applaud the speaker and viewers who are trying to identify and cope with this.

[macforoldies]

Would not be able to have a bullet journal. I would make a mistake, won't be able to stop fixating over it, throw the book away and start again.

[ClaireSamuelsVA]

This is lovely, thank you. My whole day has been awful because of perfectionism and this helped me have a cathartic cry.

[jaimielist]

I constantly fell controlled by my perfectionism (I swear I have spent upwards of 20min writing/re writing this comment) ... soo hearing the talk and reading comments made me realize that I'm not alone in dealing with the exhaustion and constant of self criticism ... so thanks for sharing your stories.

[lovelyA]

It's even tougher when your parents are also perfectionists. Sometimes I know I've accomplished something meaningful to me and want to share that success but to them is simply not enough.I always feel inadequate, unworthy, like I could and should be doing so much more than I actually am...it is a nightmare.

[robdog]

I have perfectionism. I relate to all of this. Its managing it. I am an artist and I always feel never good enough. I have ocd also and a "bad" day creating something I deem not good enough makes me also obsess for days weeks that I am losing my skill as an artist and throws me into depression.

I think the mindfulness aspect of recognising that no matter how much perfectionists achieve they will always feel not quite there or not quite good enough because its an innate feeling of not feeling quite at peace with oneself. It's genetic and environmental conditioning. Transgenerational inheritance of conditional love from parents rather than unconditional.

Best thing to do it use detached acceptance. Brain lock by Dr. Jeffrey schwartz has excellent views on this. Also intentionally doing things imperfectly challenges distorted beliefs.

Best wishes to anyone dealing with this. Its terribly difficult at times.

[Dani-uumn]

So glad I watched this. She put into words how I have felt my entire life. Perfectionism is a trap that some of us fall into & the worst part is that it’s so hard to get out of because even though it’s destructive & exhausting; it’s familiar which makes it so hard to stop. I’m hoping meditation will help

[Silencio]

As a perfectionist who is heavily flawed and not even close to being perfect, I could never expect someone else to be perfect just to impress me. Admittedly, I do sometimes still wonder if my standards are too high. I try to focus on loving people for their flaws rather than putting them on a pedestal, because I can't imagine subjecting them to my own personal perfectionism, but sometimes I find it very hard to do so. Not everyone has flaws that are mild enough for me to feel comfortable loving and it causes me to doubt where my own personal set bar should be.

[amit.deshmukh]

After watching this video, I am checking all the other perfectionism related videos in order to avoid perfectionism perfectly

[greerdavis]

Omg this was amazing! Even when I was accomplishing so much, I never felt good enough, and when I burnt out from constantly going at 120 percent, I beat myself because I couldn’t keep pushing through my emotions. This talk made me feel so much better! 💕✨

Wow this is super helpful. I'm so glad that I searched for perfectionism and ended up watching this video. I've been meditating and reading about mindfullness for the last two years and they gave me so much to improve my understanding myself better. I've also been aware of what meditation and mindfulness helped me grinding down my perfectionist side. Whoever struggling with the perfectionism; don't try to remove it entirely from your life. Try to understand it. When you understand it, you can channel it or control it.

[cladiotano]

Love that she found the gift in being a perfectionist. That’s what shadow work is all about. Finding the gift in the darkness. 💚

[lilithecamper]

It feels ironic how I tell others that they don't have to be perfect, but I myself struggle seeing my worth when I don't meet my own standards. I know I can overcome it, I might just be sad about it at times, but It's okay. I'm not perfect, and it's okay.

[nirodhaarampola]

Hi Julia, I thought this talk was invaluable! So much so, that this is the first time I bothered to write a comment on a Youtube tedx talk. There is much confusion surrounding the word 'perfectionist'. Society strives to develop perfect skills at the same time those who have reached that point suffer as a result of it. Thank you for this talk. Hope we all find that point of balance in life.

[AnnieSimsie]

this is literally me! everything that she said explains why I have such a terrible way of living! I've done self-awareness assessments many times, but it never crosses my head that I am a perfectionist! I've ruined so many situations that supposed to be memorable and happy moments just because I don't feel good enough about myself and others. I made a scene on my bf's family trip just because my English is not good enough, I gained too much weight and I am not good with socializing. I blew out a chance to join an orchestra, just because I am not confident with my violin skills. I ruined my friendship because I continuously complain about one person in class who is so not perfect for the whole 2 years! Most importantly, I make every day in my life blaming myself and feel guilty just because it doesn't go according to my plan.

[ShivajiBiswas]

Thank you Julia for
- being courageous and opening up with your personal problems to us.
- providing 3 valuable methods to deal with the problem.
- recognizing that what appeared like a personal problem is actually quite universal and thus bringing us closer to a shared reality.
- your presentation style - easily understandable.
You have done a world of good; you ARE good no matter what !

[GulnaraOmar]

Thank you so much for sharing Julia, your story is touching and also so helpful, especially when you shared the tools you used to overcome perfectionism. "It's OK not to be ok"! Loved it! I am a perfectionist in recovery and in my work help many clients who burnered with heavy perfectionistic tendencies. I appreciate your inspiring talk that helps people who watch you every day! Thank you TedxTalks organizers for making this world a better place:). With Gratitude !

[brentbyrd]

I'm so glad to come across this video. I've been loosing confident in myself lately. I hope we get to watch more.