Therapist explains major RED FLAGS in therapy and what you should expect

In this video, Micheline Maalouf, a Therapist, explains major RED FLAGS in therapy and what you should expect from a therapist.

This video will answer:
1. How do you know therapy is working?
2. How to know if your relationship with your therapist is healthy?
3. What are the major red flags in therapy?
4. How to break up with your therapist
5. How do you handle if your therapist breaks up with you?

00:00 Introduction
00:38 Your therapist horror stories
01:52 How do you know if your therapist is actually helping you?
08:11 When is it time to change therapists or fire your therapist?
10:23 Major therapist red flags
13:05 How to break up with a therapist
14:45 What to do if your therapist breaks up with you

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[johnbyerlein]

I never felt hope or had a strategic plan that I would ever improve. Never had any shared understanding of what goals i was working towards. Simply felt I was talking and talking endlessly without improving.

[kkelly]

Once a therapist told me I shouldn't be surprised that I have a depressive episode as I don't engage in any competitive sports. Another one asked me how he can find a decent kindergarten for his child when I was there to talk about the death of three family members. Another one just switched to calling me by my first name. Another one was so offended when I told him that I got anxious when he said even the emergency ward of the mental hospital doesn't want to get calls on holidays. One asked me what my goals are, when I told her, she said that made no sense and I should come up with other goals and email them to her. She refused to give me a follow up appointment. It's ridiculous what is going on out there.

[ladybug]

Therapists who either have poor self awareness of their own issues or bias that leak into sessions- also some therapists haven’t addressed their own issues or trauma and become reactive to hearing clients who discuss similar issues in their own lives; another big one I’ve read so many have experienced is therapists w an ego, so therapists who react harshly negative if you dare question their understanding of something you’ve experienced

[josephmbimbi]

I tried 2 therapists this year: in February and June / July, both times they just let me speak with zero feedback or intervention, the second one explicitely refused when i asked. Both got annoyed when i expressed doubts about how sessions were going, no question about it, no suggestion of a new approach, no referral. I stopped seeing both after 3 sessions. Now i am starting to roll my eyes interiorly when thinking about "therapy" and "therapists"

[Thequietestquiet]

The mental health system has been my narc family's greatest enabler. For decades.

[JessieJamesJG]

Worst thing I ever had a therapist say to me was that I was too much of a liability for her to take on due to having passive suicidal ideations. It was when I was at my lowest. She was so judgmental. I reported her.

[tizzlekizzle]

My therapist prepared her dinner then sat down and ate it during our session. She was a bully also. She blamed me for everything. Not in a take responsibility way....in an it's your fault way. I don't know who's training these people...but we are in a therapy crisis. Most of them are nuts.

[goblin]

My first therapist used to drink huge starbucks drinks, and would offer me water. My second therapist, when i told him that i have suici... thoughts, asked me if i'm aware that there is a legal way to off myself. (Assisted suici..). It was like a punch to the stomach and made me feel bad for days after, so bad, that i had to be hospitalized in the psych ward. I lost my friend to suici..

[Cornythecaptain]

i told my old therapist that when i have sh urges i play solitare on my phone until they stop and she said that i should stop doing that because its bad to look at your phone. it was the only coping mechanism i had at the time so i started to sh again

[tizzlekizzle]

If I wanted a job where I had power over vulnerable people and had no

[rainy]

I'm so sorry for everyone who had terrible experiences with their therapist.... I'm reading all these comments and it hurts my heart that these therapist have no emotional maturity... I am thinking of becoming a therapist myself but the last thing I want to do is hurt someone with my words/actions... and now I'm really scared that I will

[babu]

I've had so many bad therapist I feel that no one will believe me. But when you are disabled and live in a low income area it can be pretty bad. I had a therapist during Covid that did a phone session and I could hear a man's voice in the background. When I asked her about it she screamed at me. Another one would walk around her room while in telehealth appoint. She'd look through her drawers for something. And then she seemed like she was high or drunk. Slurring her words, and then nodding off. And there were others. Thank you for posting this because it really does a number to have people do this to you and no one seems to care. Thanks again!

[amandareicha]

I had one who said to buy a book about anxiety, read a chapter each week, and then during our meeting they would literally read the chapter back to me

[aps-pictures]

Hah I (a therapist in training) was once told by a fully qualified therapist, that I was ‘too broken to be fixed’ and that, her words ‘I’m a narcissist so you’re probably one too’, and then shouted at me to stop therapising myself lol.

But yes, a therapy experience should be uncomfortable or challenging your perspective. A therapist should be working their way OUT of your life, teaching you the skills so you don’t need them anymore.

If they’re not doing that - discuss the lack of progress and ask.

This is a great video - wish more people saw it.

I once had to do a harshly worded intervention on a highly sensitive subject. It deeply affected the client, and they were soon ported out to a specialist they were waiting on, but they came back for one session a year later to say how fundamentally it’d changed their life. They were hurt at the time, but in hindsight, it was the new idea they needed to kickstart massive positive life changes. It’s why discussing WHY the therapist said something is so useful, but also why it should feel uncomfortable.

[monasgrowthacademy]

Thanks for the great video! I have been a clinical psychologist and CBT therapist for 12 years. I watched your video because I wanted to "face" my possible mistakes. You picked up very useful and real points. I have heard a lot of these from my own clients about other therapists.
Thank you for the opportunity, it confirmed that I have not made any big mistakes so far (just some small ones that could be corrected). It also helped me with what I need to look out for in the future. 😌

[elainesgarden]

I once had a therapist I was required to see due to voch rehab. I had depression and suffered from emotional abuse all my life .She was really weird. She never believed a word i told her and would argue with me that depression wasn’t my problem . She seemed to have misdiagnosed me and had her own narrative and believed I had some syndrome or issues that I didn’t relate to in anyway. Every time I attempted to open up to her, which was difficult for me she would strongly assert that I was wrong and that wasn’t my problem. I was required to see her and they wouldn’t allow me to switch. I’ve never done this before or since, but since every single word I’d say, she would tell me that wasn’t me talking, i was lying I just had to sit there not saying anything for the whole session. Thankfully, I was graduating from college soon, and only had to sit quietly through a few months. I can’t believe this woman gets by with this! I have a wonderful therapist now and I’m doing very well with her.

[CandaceElgar]

My current therapist is the first genuinely good therapist I've had in 13 years of searching. But one of my old therapists would just ask if I'm okay and end the session at that.. literally less than 5 minutes it was crazy

[paulinak.]

my ex-therapist had several red flags. She was judgemental at times - she claimed that all my relations were shallow. While I told her that it's not actually true and that I feel judged by this term (let's be honest, shallow is a pejorative adjective), she replied that it's actually a me problem. She did not believe in my ADHD, and I got an interpretation of my typical adhd behavior as something that my subconsciousness was doing to sabotage my therapy. I wasn't getting better for half a year - moreover, after almost each session I felt bad and unstable for a day or two. I have probably CPTSD as my childhood was filled with violence. She decided to induce my anger so I could work with it. And when she succeeded, she called it aggression and said she was afraid of it. All while aggressive caregivers gave me trauma and she knew it. And I never behaved aggressively. When I decided that enough was enough, she said it was just me acting out, and during the last 20 min of the last session, she said that I might or might not have ADHD (I was in the process of diagnosis by then), but she diagnosed me with BPD. She never mentioned it before. Oh, and she claimed that my last breakup (a guy ghosted me after several months of a relationship) was actually my fault.

[GypsyGirl]

Oh my goodness, I'm appalled at the level of unethical and inappropriate behaviour people are experiencing with some therapists.

I'm a private counsellor in New Zealand, and from my perspective you are spot on.

[lorrainecortes]

I started therapy & ended it because I was going through a habitual intruder vandalizing my senior apartment & I was frightened & she replied Id have to see it to believe it & I told her their are Police reports & so invalidating & I told her I cant believe your a certified counselor & I never went back!!