Why Chasing Red Flags Leads To Love

Relationships often hinge on the flags we notice, but red flags aren't always the end of a story; sometimes, they're the beginning. In this video, we'll explore the surprising ways red flags and green flags can kickstart successful relationships.

Join us as we unravel the complexities of these signals, understanding how they shape connections and contribute to the dynamics of healthy, thriving relationships. We'll delve into the nuances of identifying these flags, examining their impact on our relationships, and navigating the intricate balance between potential warning signs and positive indicators.

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:12 - Red flags start many successful relationships
01:18 - Learning how to navigate problems with red flags
02:54 - The issue with green flags
06:20 - We are looking for a person to fix our lives
08:24 - Emotionally turbulent relationships
10:20 - People fall in love so easily in rehab
11:00 - The impact of red and green flags on your relationship
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

#healthygamergg #relationships #redflags

[kedaver]

I think we need to make an important differenciation here. Insecurities, joblessness, addiction, these are real problems that people need help in and genuine understanding. Whereas manipulation, gaslighting, cheating, these are 'red flags'. We absolutely cannot lump two categories of people together. This isn't a comment on HG at all, rather our current society and how weve bastardised the term "Red flag" amd rendered it meaningless.

[wobblynl]

#1 green flag: growth mindsets, when you both fight constructively and influence each other for the better

[ikemkrueger]

The green flags you have to look out for:

- Willing to change
- Willing to compromise
- Cares enough to change

[work-in-progress]

We need to start differentiating between red flags and orange flags. Orange flags are the actions we are talking about here basically self-sabotaging out of trauma, insecurities etc. Red flags are not acceptable e.g., people with no remorse like my ex who was sexual assaulting me and told me that's how couples are, if you love your partner you get through it. Yes nobody is perfect but some people are red flags for human race in itself!

[mateusyuri]

feel like vulnerability is key to get together and that sometimes means being open about your flaws not only on romantic relationships btw

[StrumVogel]

My ex wife I an opioid addict who ascended to meth addiction. I stayed in that relationship for 7 years hoping she would stop doing drugs. But she never did, even after getting cancer, and losing custody of her son. You gotta know when to give up the fight. Especially one that isn’t yours to fight.

[meganc]

I had a relationship with someone who gave up smoking and changed his excessive drinking, not because I asked him to, but because he recognized that it was not who he wanted to be with me. I think the key concept here is the idea of not looking for someone who is perfect, but someone who is willing to change and that you can problem solve with. Because perfect is probably just some problems you haven’t met yet.

[mattxgill]

From personal experience, the phrase “WILLING TO CHANGE” is the absolute KEY factor here.

Not every “red flag” is willing to change

[barbarismoilustrado]

One other thing that people don't take into consideration is that some emotional baggage that is usually called a "red flag" can actually make you and your partner more compatible. In my experience dating someone with little to no trauma made me feel isolated and misunderstood, whereas dating someone who has had difficult life experiences that others would discard as just red flags makes them more likely to understand your problems. Even if none of the people involved have figured out how to deal with their struggles, having someone next to you that understands how difficult it is sometimes can lead to a better relationship.

[monstermoo]

This is why the conversations around "struggle love" really infuriate me.

They usually normalize sizing someone up entirely based on their current financial situation (or other problems) and promote really shallow, kinda harsh interactions for people in the dating world, who then go on to pay it forward (or become these reactionary "all women care about is money" types.)

It's a vicious cycle.

[AdamHansen]

A girl once told me near the end of our second date, which was back in July, "I know that forming a bond and seeing if there's a true connection with someone takes time, but I don't know if I have the emotional bandwidth to figure that out, " which as been eye opening to me. And after watching your live stream where you asked viewers if they think men are rejected, and with much reflection, I'm getting a sense that the major thing anyone should look for from someone, is one who's willing to just look at you and say, "Yeah, I can try this with you." Unfortunately, people give up at the first sign of a "red flag, " no matter how minor it may seem. It's almost like we forgot the line Robin Williams said in Goodwill Hunting, "You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense [...] she isn't perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal, that's what intimacy is all about." Which, on the face of it falls apart a little because he uses the words "perfect for each other, " but i always took that to mean, "whether or not you're both able to just get along and solve the problems that come up from your imperfections"

[venkugin]

I feel... quite conflicted about this one. Depends on the definition of red flag maybe? I have standards like really FAR from highest and ended past relationships based on red flags. And now after a few years from that I can 100% tell I saved my life exactly thanks to "red flag" monitoring mechanism.

[mrsoisauce]

I can actually highly relate to this. I have a girlfriend who just a year ago was feeling highly suicidal and was very anxious, yet I still wanted to be with her. I told her how I felt, but I said that we can’t be in a relationship until she works on herself to be better. 3 months later, we’re official. It’s gone through ups and downs so far, but the relationship has been going on for 1 year and 4 months, and I’m happier with her than I’ve ever been, and I think I can say the same about her

[kylespevak]

"If I can't be alone with myself and I latch on to somebody to fill that void" Is honestly why I think a majority of people get into relationships, thus why they dont work out often

[rottenmilk]

When I was 16, I was a walking red flag. Basically called myself a monster. Then I met this girl, who was also a walking red flag, all over her. And we got together, and started pushing through… 16 years later, that girl is now my wife and we both live a pacefully, healthy life, and our relationship is so stable and perfect people often tell us we are just two halves of the same being.

Edit: typo

[HungerSTRKE]

I think it's pretty important that your red flags were "gamer, young, being supported by parents, etc." When I think of red flags I think of things like: prior arrests, drug/alcohol addiction, committed acts of physical abuse/violence toward other people, but especially women or animals. You know, REAL red flags.

[felixthecat]

I've dated a lot of men who were looking for a partner to use in some aspect. All of those relationships failed thankfully and all of them were "red flag" relationships. I got tired of being abused due to red flags that I was unwilling to admit and accept.

My current fiance is a green flag person whereas I was more of the red flag person. I was the one with trauma and PTSD and he was a stable, loving, and loyal person that I desperately needed in my life. I no longer fear abandonment or abuse in my relationship and that stability is so refreshing. I love him because he's always there even though I am not always perfect.

[GhANeC]

Biggest red flag in my relationships, which only surfaces well within it, has been the lack of ability or willingness to communicate through or navigate through problems, even if gently or carefully. Not sure you can imagine my desperation almost every time and my hopelessness now.

[KelsomaticPDX]

Finding out how we navigate problems together has become THE BIGGEST factor I consider in relationships. I would put in some work but over time I found what it looked like when someone was actually *capable* of working together to settle things and solve problems. At times I worried I was expecting too much and would never find someone to meet that standard. My girlfriend has squashed those doubts.

It feels SO GOOD to be with someone who is truly willing and capable of simply sitting down and talking things out in a calm way. We’ve hurt each other, we’ve each faced hard external difficulties, but every time we can just sit down and talk it out patiently and with empathy. There’s nothing I value more, because I feel like we can face anything.

[cniht]

The two biggest green flags I look for:

1) Is content/happy in their life already. I am a value add, and they should be a value add. This gets to the entire 'filling a need' thing.
2) Is willing to communicate clearly, compromise with each other and change when needed. However, I've found that the willingness of this to occur is based on the attraction that the two people have to each other. It in short creates the will to do these things.