The WRONG THERAPIST: How to Tell When It's Not a Fit.

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Will you ever recover from childhood trauma? That may depend on WHO you choose to help you. the wrong therapist could send you off course, but how do you know what to look for? If you notice that your hard work in therapy is not resulting in feeling better and making positive changes, here are signs that your therapist may not be the one for YOU.
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[allisonbrown]

As a therapist myself, I agree with every single thing she said 1000%. Therapy is a process, but it is time limited and directed toward validating feelings and also taking action, setting boundaries, and making appropriate changes to heal your trauma. Therapy should not last forever, and your therapist should have a treatment plan outlined when you start therapy, identifying a specific amount of sessions needed to accomplish your goals. Getting a qualified therapist who has been trained in trauma is essential. Don’t ever be afraid to ask someone about their qualifications before agreeing to see them.

[JustCallMeLiberty]

I've been to a handful of therapist and I feel like I've learned more from you YouTube therapist than any of these I've seen in person.

[AG-ejwm]

I'm a therapist myself and can honestly say it's a worry of mine, that my clients will get stuck or deteriorate in the process. I believe a lot of the possibly harmful effects of therapy can be lessened by humility. Taking the clients' complaints and wishes seriously, admitting where you're lacking in skill and expertise. Like in any other area where you're providing a service.

[MODELBODYINTL]

I just fired my therapist today. I’m realizing more and more that therapists have so many issues themselves. Out of 4 therapists, only one was really good. I’m going to try the coaching route.

[sixthsenseamelia]

They don't listen.
They have no life experience.
They're in it for the money.
They're in it for their ego.

[ArtGardenFoodExpressions]

One way to tell it's not a good fit is when your Therapist falls asleep in the middle of a session. I was having a zoom session with my counselor because of COVID. Neither of us showed our faces that session. But as I was discussing what was asked, I noticed she never said anything back. I said>>>Hello. Hello. You could tell she jumped from the sleep. And pretended that she was listening and started elaborating on something I had never brought up. I then asked had she heard me. She started saying, yes, but you cut out and on and on and on with the lies. I was devastated. Never met with that one again.

[reallifepsych]

Such an important topic. It’s hard because we believe that it’s our fault we’re not having breakthroughs though maybe we’re just not connecting with our therapists!

[breakingpoint]

I'm considering quitting my therapist because I'm just not liking her responses to what I talk about. They're usually invalidating telling me my expectations are too high or putting words in my mouth and almost every session ends with me feeling gaslighted. I can relate to this letter.

[amy]

This is so true. I had a therapist for about 3 years who just triggered me. I would have nightmares, flashbacks & would feel exhausted after a session (it would take up to a week to regulate). One day I just went Nope 👎 no more. I’ve healed more from the 12 steps program for mental health, books & YouTube.

[vani]

I ended my therapy this Monday, because I felt that despite going to him for 1.5 years, there was basically no progress. I addressed multiple times over the past few months that I felt we weren't working towards the goals I mentioned at the start, and which things I'd need to feel it works better for me (a more structured process, maybe "homework", and that every few sessions we check how things are looking regarding the goals we set etc). Each time he sort of brushed my suggestions/request off by making me insecure/feeling confused about it: "But do you *really* want that`? You don't seem like the kind of person to me that would actually want a more structured/guided approach..."So this Monday I repeated this again and that I didn't feel the therapy is helping me with the issues I came for, and that I feel we might just not be a good fit. He got defensive and said, that he feels blamed, but that that the lack of progress is actually because I don't open up enough/don't want to face my problems and want to do everything by myself, and that that's why I'm depressed, too. Imo it was incorrect and inappropriate. This statement made any remaining trust vanish on my end. He said that if I want to end the therapy, I can, but that he would find that unfortunate, because he likes me and he'd like to help. And I think this was meant to be kind, but after what he had just said, it felt more like a manipulation. So yeah. Before that session I had been considering to end the therapy, but after it, I was 100% certain of it. Thought about it some more hours, talked to friends about it, then contacted him and told him this was our last session.

[benjispov]

I had a therapist once, who I only saw the one time. During our first and only session, I gave broad brush strokes of some of the wounds I still carry from the abuse my mother subjected me to. I didn't even get a chance to tell this therapist about the narcissistic trauma and abuse I had suffered at her doing, and I certainly didn't get to tell this therapist about the sexual trauma that my mother had subjected me to. I never got to tell this therapist that my mother had told me as a child that I "made her want to slit her own throat" or that she would often call me horrific names, telling me I was a little sh*t and the I was a c**t, but I did manage it get out that she had told me I was "the mistake she made that ruined her life.

This therapist, before I had the chance to tell him about the sexual trauma and before I had the chance to tell him about the horrible things she had said to me, began to talk over the top of me and tell me that no mother wants to hurt their child. I pushed back, asking "what about psychopathic and sociopathic women who have children, surely they DO want to hurt their children?" I never got the chance to tell this therapist that my mother is a narcissist who communicated very clearly to me that she felt trapped in motherhood because of me.

Instead, this therapist started to try and use his experience to bully me into agreeing with him, saying things like, "I've worked with many young mother's, and while they may make mistakes as young mother's, they don't resent their children and they do t set out to hurt them."

I disagreed. He then asked me, "tell me about an I stance in which you truly believe your mother wanted to hurt you." That was when I told him that she had said to me that I was the mistake that ruined her life."

He refused to accept what I was saying, and continued to try and convince me that my mother never intended to hurt me, that she never wanted to hurt me and that she never set out to hurt me.

I walked out of the session before it was over, and as I was leaving he told me I should make another appointment with him to talk more about my relationship with my mother.

I had never felt do discredited, dismissed and made out to be as melodramatic as he did. I expressly told him that he has triggered me, and he tried to tell me that that was my own fault for misunderstanding, because mother's just don't hurt their kids intentionally "in all his years of experience."

[SuraDoes]

Make sure they GET you! I am seeing a trauma therapist that keeps questioning my reason for going to therapy. She says to me, “Maybe you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to heal.” Yes, I continue to participate every week and communicate with you just to not heal. I just don’t understand why anyone would question you when you’re TRYING to get help.

[wordsfromtheheart-bethsumm]

most people who have been traumatised are unlikely to even contemplate a therapist - or even afford one unless they are minted. Most therapists I have known are a complete mess themselves - one said to me "there is nothing wrong with you, you are just unhappy!"

[RandalfElVikingo]

The first two therapist I had were really annoying, it sucks to open up to a stranger just to hear "well, that's interesting" like, "no shit, that's why I'm here" lol.

But even dumb experiencies like that are big steps in realizing what is what you need.

[BoxOfKleenex]

Different therapists I've had:
- literally kicked me out of the intake appointment because "I don't waste my time with borderline personality patients".
- blamed me for all my family's issues when I was in middle school.
- told me I was choosing to be abused because I couldn't leave my living situation. I was 16 without a job.
- was texting during the session.

[caffeinejones]

I remember a time in my life when I had a lawyer who was more therapeutic than my psychiatrist. I finished the sessions with the shrink, but I only got one thing out of it, whereas I felt really heard and supported by my lawyer. She's a really good listener.

[Flitalidapouet]

Tried 6 therapist and got MORE HELP from CrappyChilhood videos and books.

[maggie]

I never had luck with therapy. I really tried too. I get tired of them saying it gets worse before it gets better. I almost think many years ago a really bad therapist made up that statement.

[Johan-vkyd]

People seek professional counselling for different reasons, and your say on this topic seems very relevant for both clients-to-be, and therapists. Your ability to avoid blame and judgement is so refreshing and invigorating.

[mrichards]

I was listening to this video while folding clothes. I think the idea of " crap fit" is brilliant. It truly made me realize that as a child I HAD to fit myself to my dysfunctional parents. It's hard to find a therapist who can be objective and professional. I've experienced them doing all kinds of unacceptable things. I would love to find a good one that gets me.