An Autistic Guide to Alexithymia - Take Back Control & Thrive

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of Alexithymia. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike

⏱ Index:
00:00 - Welcome
00:24 - What is Alexithymia
02:30 - Examples
12:17 - Impact on Relationships
14:09 - Practical Strategies

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD

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⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️

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[juliefore]

After a childhood of being told “don’t let them know they upset you” or “don’t let them get to you”, identifying or expressing emotions is a serious challenge.

[fredflintstone]

I realized I probably had autism when I was walking to my car and noticed tears in my eyes. I wasn't feeling anything particular, but I knew I was probably very disappointed in my new hearing aids or that I was feeling a lot of pain. I couldn't tell what it was for a while, but when the world started fading away and I started disassociating I decided it was pain. Later that day I was passed an 8mm kidney stone... Indeed I did have autism and got diagnosed at age 63.

[paulc]

I was trying to get a diagnosis from an "Autism expert" and kept telling him over and over that I didn't have words to explain what I was feeling or the experiences I was having. But I did eventually tell him that I was feeling very anxious and he said "oh so you don't have any problem identifying your emotions then". I told him that no, I have a lot of trouble with that - but he later said I couldn't be autistic because I had a girlfriend in the past, and besides, so many Australians think they are autistic, it's just silly right?
Obviously I'm completely neurotypical, all my symptoms mean nothing. Thanks so much for being a barrier to the help I need

[Apiarist_X]

You have really nailed this subject. This is the first time in my life that I have heard of it. I have struggled with this all my life. My wife just thinks I have no empathy or that I am emotionless, when deep inside I am exploding with empathy and feel really emotional. I really struggle to explain to a doctor how I feel when I'll (which causes miss or non diagnosis).

[UncleBenjs]

I'm struggling so much with this and the realisation of this in my 40's that most days have moment(s) of feeling suicidal. The grief of late diagnosis and what comes with it is nuts.

[Elizarge]

delayed emotions... this happens to me frequently. An example: I went to my grandmothers funeral in the morning and didn't cry as always during the service. Later that evening I went to work and a coworker said something about my miserable expression( I didn't know I was behaving different). I had an emotional breakdown and couldn't stop crying at the service desk wondering why everyone is so mean to me. Not until telling them I went to a funeral that day did I realize I was sad.

[belindathomas]

Yes, I have experienced this too. I remember when I was 21, my then-Husband became frustrated with me and yelled "surely you feel some emotion. You can't be completely devoid of all feeling!". That was 24 years ago and I don't think I've changed - I still struggle to feel or name emotions.

[howlroseXI]

Good GOD! This right here. Whenever I hear something extremely upsetting 90% of the time I’m calm as a cucumber in the moment and internally I’ll say to myself “Oh boy am I gonna be feeling this later” which could be hours or a couple days before it properly hits and I’m going crazy.

But in the moment it’s all blank stare, taking in information to be mad about later because I can’t do anything with it right now.

[KingChameleonsEye]

wow i never knew what this was. im in "neutral" mode most of the time. i can be super empathetic or apathetic... i have controlled my behaviour in public all of my life 😔 it´s soo draining to be in public places for too long/in crowds of people.

[revdr]

I’m 53yo and recently discovered I’m autistic. I’ve been told I’m all in my head by loved ones and counselors after asking how I feel. I feel like I’m eloquently describing how I feel and why and people look at me like they are confused and tell me to speak from my heart. I think I feel emotion 100x more than allistic people, so the subtle distinctions don’t have meaning to me. I’ve practiced since young to ignore and push through the pain (physical and emotional) after being told “it’s not that bad” or “don’t be such a baby” so many times. I’m not sure how much much pain is typically tolerable so I pretend I don’t hurt until I shutdown or burnout. I am so happy to learn about my characteristics and how to take care of myself. Maybe I can end the cycle of burnout or decrease it significantly. Thank you for your channel and insight. ❤

[TempoTronica]

I feel like there's an issue of being told what you're feeling by allistics. For example. Most of my life, I and a lot of people around me thought I had anger issues. My parents had me in anger management classes and stuff for most of my life. When I was told that this is anger, I just kinda rolled with it. That became the only language I had to describe my experience. I found out just last year that I was actually dealing with autistic meltdowns. Since then, these problems I've been dealing with all my life are finally starting to subside.

Thank you for this content, by the way. If not for you and other autistic people making content like this, I never would have learned better about my experience as an autistic person. I'd still be thoroughly gaslit by allistic people, I'd still have my masks up, and I'd probably be clinging to toxic relationships.

[Heather-nqrv]

I have trouble understanding my feelings and emotions too, and definitely hard to put them into words. I've also been called cold due to not showing emotions in the expected ways. Along with even not usually realizing when I'm feeling pain (unless it's pretty severe).

[frillsjane]

What helped me to be able to recognize emotions are movies, tv shows, and anime, and meditation. The first method was more geared toward ubderstanding other and the latter is my emotions. I still struggle to identify my emotions though and there are times that I can't recognize that I'm feeling something but it manifests in my body.

[deborahbennett]

Nailed it again, great job Orion. Now I know the reason it can sometimes take me up to a week to know how I feel about something.

[coramdeo]

It's so strange listening to someone else explaining me to me so comprehensively. One of the things I have always avoided: How do you feel? and What do you think? Thank you, Orion. This is like looking in a mirror.

[Phillia_crochet]

My version of "I'm ok." in responmse to "How are you?" question and its versions is "I'm doing well enough, I think" whle being sleep-deprived and burned out working my self to the bones to fulfill the responsibilities of 4 different positions where I once worked at. Took me half a year later to figure out that I was burned out.

[Vicious-Spiral]

Had this fiercely as a child, but I guess I 'grew out of it' 🤔 or learned somehow somewhere along the way to identify my emotions, to name them and how to express said emotions. Nowadays I do not struggle much with this anymore... 👍

[nascenticity]

i really relate to the idea of having a hard time accessing support bc of alexythymia. i had a pretty major episode of depression/burnout last year that was extremely debilitating - but all i could communicate was basically “i’m not doing well” and “i need help.” eventually i went to a hospital and that helped significantly, but it alerted me to the fact that i can’t access help if i can’t communicate the problem in the first place. in fact it really bothers me now whenever people say things like “if you’re struggling, ask for help! don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself!” bc i literally could not do that, and almost nobody in my life was in a position to reach out and check on me. i think it’s unfair under the best of circumstances for people to put all of the burden of getting help on the person who’s struggling, but when it’s done to an autistic person it could be outright dangerous. i’m not sure what i would have done without my partner around to help me.

[elizabethivy]

I love to read, and books have definitely helped me understand my emotions. However, and I find this to be retrospectively hilarious, I always thought that the characters' emotions in books were highly unrealistic. I never questioned my perception because I just attributed the lack of realism to the books being fantasy and the author's prerogative for making things more interesting. I later realized that the emotions/internal experience probably weren't unrealistic, they were just more in-line with the neurotypical experience, which was, evidently, not my experience at all. I now realize that most of my favorite characters exhibit a lot of neurodivergent traits as well. I guess it's hard to notice the writing on the wall when we just thought it was fancy wallpaper...

[naomiparsons]

This morning I sat down for breakfast and thought "hmm, this is the third day in a row I've lost my appetite." After dismissing all other possible reasons, I realised "Ohhh, my anxiety level musy be really high" Then I realised how anxious I've been for days.

I also end up crying every time I do my homework because I don't realise I'm getting overwhelmed until it's too late (I still don't know why, since I find the actual work easy)