How To Move On In Your Life (Processing Emotions)

Join us for an insightful discussion on emotional processing. In this video, we're diving deep into effective methods to navigate and process emotions in a healthy and constructive manner.

Emotional processing is a crucial aspect of our mental well-being, yet it's often challenging to figure out how to manage our feelings in a positive way. We'll explore practical strategies and actionable steps aimed at helping you develop a toolkit for healthy emotional processing.
We’re here to help you take control of your mental health and your life.

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:17 - Guru CTA
00:32 - Introduction (Is life getting harder?)
05:17 - The world is changing
10:25 - Defaulting to distraction
13:51 - How this manifests
17:30 - What can you do to help yourself?
23:19 - Conclusion

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DISCLAIMER

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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

#healthygamergg #mentalhealth #processingemotions

[SgtBlaketon]

listening to Dr K. talk about avoiding emotional processing in order to avoid processing my emotions.

[xKumei]

The emotional dumping is something I am guilty of. There have been conversations I've had where afterward I tell myself, "You really could have just journaled all of that and it would have been easier for everyone."

[petran]

My 2 cents about life seemingly getting harder... yes, I think life is objectively harder because the demand is nonstop. You can't take a break or else you're falling behind. Also, for some of us, our parents did us a disservice. Some of us grew up overprotected and sometimes I feel like I'm learning all the stuff at 29 that I was suppossd to learn at 15, 16...like literally how to fail at stuff, how to date and how to express yourself, among other things. I never had enough space to learn all of that and I know I'm not alone. So now, when I have to expose myself to those things my anxiety is palpable because now there's no one to protect me (of course, I'm an adult now). But it' not like you can just flip a switch in your head and say oh now I know all that stuff! We weren't raised to be ready for this world.

[prod.arcsyne]

I wanted to chip in with things I’ve learned from therapy and other sources.

I Think the key to emotional processing is to treat your emotions as information, sit for a moment with no distractions and name the emotion you feel. Keep trying to label it. Some might need multiple labels. After you figure out each emotion ask yourself why you feel this way. Any answer works, if you truly cannot find why, just acknowledge you feel that way. The last step is to lay the feelings to rest, acknowledge their existence, thank your mind for letting you know then contextualize how you emotions fit with reality. Be sure to look for physical tells of emotions such as quivering lips, sweaty palms, chest pressure etc.

Example: what am I feeling? Is it anger? No, I feel a pressure in my chest, I usually feel that when I am sad. Okay why am I sad? Im sad because my friend invalidated my feelings earlier. Okay does my friend usually care about my feelings? Yes they do, but it still hurt. I will have a conversation about with them when I get time.

In my experience the emotions will generally fade as long as you fully acknowledge them for what they want to tell you. Once you know what it wants you to know or explore it will fade much more quickly.

[adorablehoe]

One of my favorite ways to cope with a bad day or specific experience is to just go on a walk, late at night so nobody can hear me, and just talk to myself out loud about everything. I always end the night feeling like I understand my emotions more, and overall feel better. As an average depressed Joe, It's probably my #1 recommendation to anyone dealing with stress

[baustin]

"trying to take as little damage as possible"
Man, you nailed that. I've been let down so many times in so many ways that I don't expect things to go good, and I'm trying to just not get beat. What I keep saying is: I don't want to win any more, I just need a way to be where I'm not losing

[youmaybebusy]

It's weird how I ALWAYS loved to 'just chill a bit'. I.e. give me place to sit and stare into the distance for like half an hour. It makes me happy. Not only do I feel better afterwards but I'm content in that moment. But from a young age on most people, if not everyone, around me tried to wean me off doing that. Either by directly stating I should rather be 'properly using my free time' or by just making those moments less enjoyable with little snarky remarks. Which only lead to me constantly questioning myself during that bit of time that should have been relaxing.

[butternutsquash]

When I realized that video scrolling and compulsive gaming were preventing me from processing my emotions I was finally able to shift away from them and into slower activities. The one that's really been a benefit is doing a puzzle. It hits the dopamine button just enough to be a step down drug while also not occupying my mind. I can't say that I actively "think about" what's bothering me but it's able to happen naturally in the background and I've already made some important realizations. "Idleness" in the form of playing cards with actual cards, puzzles, gardening, or baking definitely helps me calm down the feels by letting them process and I get something done which lets me feel accomplished even if it's not a priority accomplishment

[AnonymousOnimous]

I've lived in a lot of anachronistic settings (like ancestral peoples 100s years ago), and it *really changes one's psychology*
I worked at a summer camp - some 325 humans, 75 of whom live and work together 24/6. Even as an introvert, I LOVED being around people all the time, because our interactions were face-to-face and authentic. "How are you doing?" lead to genuine conversations. All the time. Our job was to help raise children in the woods, and everyday had rewarding experiences we shared with other human beings. I had far more emotional/mental energy to expend, even though I was using so much more of it to be social 24/6.
I did a season of trail construction & habitat restoration. I'm convinced now that hard manual labor is the best social bonding mechanism. Even the days when I was consistently physically uncomfortable - hauling boulders in 90 degree heat and dripping in sweat - I felt more at peace then most days when I do comfortable things. I was with like-minded people collaborating on a meaningful project.
I think there are a lot of aspects of how ancient people lived their lives that had tremendous mental health benefits the likes of which we are just getting to understand via the lens of modern cognitive science.

[prodana]

“Everything has to be perfect because you can’t afford the loss.”
Man, you’re a genius!
Thansk a million for these videos.

[josephjohnphillips]

I've gotten a lot better at processing uncomfortable emotions over the last few months. For example, today, I started the day and I could tell my nervous system was dysregulated. Later in the morning, I released this pent up anxiety and dysregulation by crying in bed. Then I started work and as the day has gone on, my mood has improved and now I feel pretty good, my nervous system is relaxed.

For context, in the past, I'd consider a day where I cried once to be ruined, there must be something seriously wrong. Now, I am happy to allow myself to cry if I need and I actually feel better for it afterwards.

The tools I used for this are the: Emotions wheel (comfortable and uncomfortable [avoid labelling emotions as 'bad' and 'good']) and the Needs wheel.

Write down the emotions your feeling in a moment and label them 1-10 on the level of intensity that you're feeling the emotion.

Once you've done this, go to the Needs wheel and look at what you need in that moment to feel better, or at least feel like your nervous system feels regulated and you're on an emotional even keal.

I hope this helps others out there.

[von_freiesleben]

i started hiking again this summer and realized that was exactly what was missing in my life. idle time, it's in those repetitive physical motions that my mind can wander off and process everything i went through. went on a 6 week hike and that helped at one point u just get tunnel vision and you can finally think about everything clearly, whilst enjoying awesome views. that's the same with swimming, or any kind of physical task. i guess that's why dads love to mow the lawn so much.

[skiptomylou]

This video is amazing because a lot of the "self help" community recommend you these things. The problem is that they don't tell you why. There is no explanation as to why a walk without music/audiobooks or distractions is helpful. It's just -- go for walks. There is no explanation about journaling -- it's just about telling you to journal. They only tell you to avoid Netflix, Tiktok, video games etc, because it's bad. But they don't go deeper than that, which this video so eloquently did.

In my particular case I've been journaling on and off for over a decade, but like Dr. K said, I mostly did surface journaling because I didn't like evoking certain emotions. I recently made it a point to use this to become better and to become more aware. It has been, without exaggeration, life changing.

The game-changer for me was meditation and therapy. I have been to therapy for years, but I would go into therapy with this facade that prevented me to get to the root cause. Even then I did improve, but I would say that in a few years I improved marginally. After learning how to meditate and be able to do so consistently I was able to slowly drop those masks that prevented me from truly expressing myself. That is when I began to improve rapidly.

Now I'm not going to sit here and say I've figured it all out. I still have issues with dopaminergic traps, and I still have to work on on certain aspects. The thing that I learned in all this is that you don't improve uniformly. In some cases you improve a lot and in others much slower. My focus now is to improve in general to be the best person I can be, but thanks to Dr. K I've found the baseline to be able to allow myself to do so. Five years ago that would seem like a pipe dream. I'm truly grateful for that.

[splamy]

I think this is why slow living has become so popular lately. People are realizing they need to slow down and allow ourselves to actually process things so we can be happier.

[TumbleweedMK]

learning about emotion processing really saved me. Every night and morning I was saddled with so much negative shit. Then I allowed myself to go idle and FEEL these emotions. It's uncomfortable as hell, but then you realise that the emotions will go away after they've been heard

[Neigette]

NTS: 1) journalling - write about emotionally engaging experiences (both good and bad experience), or just jot down thoughts = to provide time and space for mind to automatically process
2) therapy vs coaching/spirituality
3) rote physical activity like hiking, etc to give space (idle time) for mind to process

[smixqse]

i've never really thought too much about mental idleness vs physical idleness. i know that being idle is hard and that i feel the need to do something at all costs, but i always focused on not being mentally idle by distracting myself on social media or stuff like that, while neglecting the physical most of the time. being mentally idle isn't exactly being idle, and i think i should try remembering that a little more, because being mentally idle and physically active seems 100% better than the alternative

[katelynstrong]

I just started with a new therapist and you’re framing the things he’s said in ways I better understand. Thank you!

[TisDana]

Dr K, you are correct about the processing. I have had 6+ years of non-stop major life events, from the tragic death of my husband and subsequent legal battle of his estate to my mother’s cancer to my brother’s death to a global pandemic to being laid off to political unrest. I don’t feel like I’ve had the time to process. I do journal and it definitely helps. Somethings just don’t much sense anymore.

[angelal]

Tangentially related, but as a young(ish) teacher (I work with middle schoolers) I've seen a lot of emotional perfectionism in both my own life and my students' lives. I spent a ton of time when I was younger (and still some now) really fixated on having positive emotional experiences and making sure everyone around me was also having positive emotional experiences. Which is of course devastating because its not sustainable and also a useless goal.

I've worked really hard to overcome that and so its hard to see my students struggling with emotional perfectionism as well, but the longer I've been in the classroom the more I've realized that they feel that way and I felt that way because so many of the adults in the their lives are trying to build emotional experiences for kids where they don't feel anxiety or anguish or embarrassment. And it makes everything 1000% worse because 1. kids then learn that having negative emotions is an emergency and 2. kids rarely get the opportunity to process or work through their emotions.

Recently I've been trying to give my students more space to fail socially and emotionally process those interactions and its been challenging because I feel like that's the wrong thing to do in the moment. But I've been continually impressed by my students emotional resiliency and how they process and come back from interactions that seemed to me as an observer to be low key social emergencies (and probably would have become them if I had interfered).