Red Flag Advice: You've Seen The Signs…. What Happens Next? - Inner Work Library [131/500]

Red Flags, Toxic Relationships & Trauma Bonds: This Episode of Inner Work Library Q&A talks about what to do after seeing the red flags. We'll be discussing the psychology of toxic relationship, relationship trauma and red flags to avoid - with a specific focus on Trauma Bonds, Co-dependency and common Toxic Relationship patterns.

An especially useful video for individuals who want to learn how to encourage their partner to heal without being manipulative, or those who want to grow deeper into love with their partner while both healing trauma.

FREE: Shadow Work Playlist (15 Videos):

COURSE: Join me inside The Library:

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS ⏱️

00:00 How Red Is The Red Flag?
05:25 Are They Going To Change?
08:39 Your History Is Your Future
10:39 Sentiment vs Structure
14:15 Are You Ready For Healing?

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Topics explored: trauma bonding; toxic relationships; toxic relationships healing; trauma bond; what is trauma bonding; trauma bonds; toxic relationship; toxic relationship healing; trauma bond psychology; toxic relationship psychology; relationship red flags; dating red flags; red flags in relationships; red flags; red flag psychology; red flags in women; red flags in men; dating advice; relationship advice; signs of a toxic relationship; red flags in dating; red flags of dating;

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DM me for 1:1 consultations & private mentoring.

#redflags #shadowwork #toxicrelationships

[jordanthornton]

*1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*

It's an absolute pleasure to film these YouTube videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.

I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.

Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.

To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.

Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.

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*READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*

I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.

Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.

I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.

I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.

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*HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*

Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.

This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.

If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).

These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my YouTube videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.

If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.

I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.

I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.

I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.

By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.

I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.

YouTube is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.

Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.

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*SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*

The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7, 400 GBP or approximately $9, 400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.

Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.

If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.

IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.

[Aleksandria]

I find this very helpful and insightful I appreciate the course 🌱

[wownicole]

I was gutted by a horrible betrayal trauma from a partner. I tried to pull him close and help with what was clearly a trauma issue. All I got in return was more years of deception and zero accountability on his part. Sometimes there’s no point in bringing them close and you just have to save yourself.

[nicoleconnor_]

Valuable conversation with a lot of nuance and I physically felt your expression and retreat at 16:37. I watched my ex freeze when a man attacked me outside of our condo while our security guard stood at the door and watched. The freeze was a trauma response that I had compassion for and understood. The unacknowledged and unresolved shame and guilt that followed, was the red flag I chose to ignore. All lessons that lead to stronger boundaries and standards.

[miharu]

Thank you very much, Jordan, for making a video about this ❤ i find your perspective really useful because you bring such topics down to earth and explain actual steps one can take to face these difficulties. I wasn't expecting the last part and you're right, you also have to ask yourself if you actually can manage what you could bring up...

[gailaltschwager]

The good news we reach get to choose what's important to us. Thank you, Jordan.

[theresabell]

Brilliant, as always. Thank you, Jordan.

[yinglan]

Great video - raw, compassionate and comprehensive are the words that I keep coming back to for your videos. 9:57 was a hard hitting truth for me. Thank you, Jordan! 🌲

[romemachaaa]

Thank you❤..Can u pls tell me.. When you've friends in ur workplace, school, college or any community.. And understand that you know most(everyone actually) of them are in different traumatic patterns and kinda seem using too much of their persona.. Even after too much of artificiallity people still stay together.. Sometimes when these people laugh all together I could literally see them 'taking huge strain to show that they are laughing' but they still be surrounded with such artificial people.. So when you're in such a surrounding what shd you do? Shd you be friends with them or stay introverted..(Also many studies show it is important to have friends or it could affect you mentally.. increasing feelings of lonliness)how can u not feel lonely at the same time.

[karnataneja]

Hey Jordan, love the work you do and if I believed in God I'd absolutely thank all of them (mainly the capitalistic ones) who helped your channel pop up for me. I've seen quite a few of your "book recommendation" videos mainly as I plan to just start my journey (just like you did a few years back. I already take therapy for a year now) of reading and jumping into the rabbit hole of psychology but I had a question.

What would you recommend I start with in terms of the different strands of Psychology? (there's Freud, Jung, transpersonal, Transaction Analysis, CBT, Psychodrama, Hypnotic...I mean the list goes on). I know you've made a full series on Inner work and have books recommended there in an order. Similar to that, how would you recommend the different types of Psychological rabbit holes that exist? 

I have similar doubts when it comes to Philosophy? like should I go back from the start or should I pick up anything? Should I just be sporadic and read whatever pulls me? Is there a method to this madness? How did you actually take this path yourself and what was your starting point and how'd it evolve?

I ask this because my ADHD-Autistic brain wants to zone into one thing really deeply and what I've noticed with these fields of study (or maybe its true for all), one references another and so then I feel a blindspot if I've not read that particular school of thought or just get distracted to check that one out and in the process don't read the one I was currently reading.

Let me know your thoughts on this.
Thank you for your work Jordan, you're amazing and a rarity in the world of YouTube with your honest views and insights.

[tjongejongeman]

The only person I help are family, my pets and myself. No time for immature avoidend partners.