Midweek with Dr. C- How Do Narcissists Rationalize Control Tactics?

Sign up for Dr. Carter's course: Ready, Set, Connect
Get 30% off when you use the coupon code: rsc20youtube

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.

You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101

Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful:

[ro]

Relationships shouldn’t be a competition, they should be a team effort.

[elainesmith]

Trust is a key element in relationships! Once just lost. Narcissist are naturally un trust worthy!! To the Max!!!

[cazjay]

“A strongly controlling person is a strongly fearful person.” The need to set us straight. That is so spot on.

[michellehill]

"A strongly controlling individual is a strongly fearful person."✅

[deniseritchie]

Thank you Dr. I have been with a narcissist for 38 years and 7 mos ago he pushed me down and i shattered my wrist. The courts have a 3 years restraining order against him. All your videos explain everything in my adult life and now I realize my youngest son is a narcissist also. He play’s grandparent abuse on me but not on his dad the narcissist. He is allowed to see my granddaughters and I’m not. I’m really sad, but know that it’s not me and I have to go on with my own life. I never thought at 65 I would be truly starting over.

[elainesmith]

You can't change the Narcissist OR The Flying Monkeys. This is so engrained...Impossible....NO CONTACT....NO EMOTIONS.GRAY ROCK OR FIRE WALL WORKS BEST FOR ME. I BECAME A VERY....VERY BORING PERSON WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE!
THANKS DR C. AND TEAM HEALTHY!🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

[ernieblue]

Thank you Dr. C. for helping to straighten out the mess that narcs leave in our minds and in our lives, so that we can be ourselves again, and get back to more peaceful and healthy living.

[lockstar]

Probably one of the most disturbing scenarios is to encounter a narcissist that has partially educated themselves in psychology.
If you've experienced it. "The not so sunny of helping, is controlling..." is something I learned from a narcissist; as if to suggest that they couldn't possibly be one of those people too.
Even if all it does is buy them time while you're busy being confused about their incongruent behaviour, if you're thinking of letting others know you're educating yourself about narcissism be aware these people exist. They can talk the talk; it's their actions you're going to want to examine closely.

[jkies]

I quietly sat and listened to someone argue with themselves about a choice I had made. They went through the pros and cons of my choice and then they made it sound like I was silly for my choice, they got angry because I wouldn't change my mind. Finally, when they realized my choice was a good one they pretended they didn't understand what I was asking for. I had to just sit and smile- it was classic.

[bereal]

Great midweek. They do expect 100% trust. The biggest mistake I ever made was in trusting my family. Believing, because they forced it upon me, that they knew the right way. It was a heist of my psyche and I didn't know it. So many unhealthy people put there but I didn't realise I'd been living with the enemy of my soul and true self. One of my relatives developed psychosis through this family system, I'm not surprised. When there is nowhere left to go it's the ultimate loss of self. Always pained me how much they suffered, how much so many in the system suffered. That's not love. This channel is the landing pad I've always searched for, I thought I'd never find a place that felt like home to me. Thank you dr c.

[evelynwells-rked]

My mother made me to go to therapy, she is the reason why i was in therapy!

[theyellowshoe]

Years ago when my son was about 7, i started to teach him washing dishes, laundry etc. I first showed him how I do that, then told when he does the dishes, wash them the way that hes comfortable with. As long as all the dishes are clean, then thats good. That "man(-child)" started yelling that my son was doing the dishes wrong 🤦‍♀️ I said there is more than one way to do dishes. Oh how i wish i would have known about narcissism back then.
43:09 mark; about the children, with me i have a dog & a cat. I'm the one who feeds them takes care of them. Yes a narcissist will use pets as leverage.

[hsafranify]

Dr. Carter: I love how you work in and remind people not to get "hoovered in"; "allow to be tiggered"; and respond aggressively (as opposed to running not walking the other away; no contact as much as possible)!

[sturobertson]

Great vid and great comments on the live chat.
I'm a living example that the support on TH works. I was stuck for years in a controlling, abusive relationship.
Learning here allowed me to exit that relationship.
I now have peace.
To anyone suffering...have hope, peace is possible with learning, self care and growth.
🙏❤️🌞

[m.e.tuthill]

I am going to drop comments periodically to you and other practitioners to for the umpteenth time request video on narcissist's need to be among wealthy people. This was a powerful theme in my life with my narcissistic siblings and parents. Name dropping and an aversion to anyone who was from the lower or even plain old middle class was extremely pronounced. I even have proof by way of a family history written by my brother with over-the-top references to anyone remotely in our sphere who was of the upper class. And at my nephew's christening my sister clung like glue all day the a woman who stood out--a woman she didn't even know-why? Because she looked like she stepped out of a Talbot's catalogue--she looked rich- PLEASE devote time to this behavior. Thank you.

[ElsieDee]

My ex-narc worked out-of-town during the week, and would leave me lists of duties to accomplish each week. I had hell to pay if I didn’t finish everything. I seldom finished everything because I had my own priorities, mainly our children, household mgt., nurturing friendships+. It was literally hell for the kids and I every weekend.

[jeankipper]

What narcs and bullies "win" is to create an unhappy, unhealthy world to live in. In self defense, in honor of the life we were given, for our own well being, we must disengage. The Golden Rule is real. We reap what we sow. What goes around comes around. I choose to drop my end of the rope. Many times it's not been easy. Certainly I've not always succeeded. Yet in doing so I'm actively creating the kind of life I want, for myself and for others, and the part of the world that I can impact. It does work.

[dianebinpa]

No matter what you want, they force the opposite on you and get angry when you don’t thank them for trying to force control. Another tactic is to try to make you ashamed of your feelings to control you that way. If that doesn’t work then they try the control with the fear tactic approach.

[alanaadams]

The narc in my life has stopped drinking it really helps

[sandrabellerue]

Harming another person, YES! Absolutely wicked with their smirk/smile in exhultation. I saw it in him 60 yrs ago in high school.
Doesn't work on me now.
What I gleaned, after 2 yrs on/off, is what I DON"T want in a relationship.
Mutual loving kindness holds the key to happiness.
Thanks Dr Carter.