Making Your Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship Work

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Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #bpd #mentalhealth

[deifiedtitan]

I’m gonna add this in: Don’t feel like it’s your responsibility to stick around for them. Stick around for you if you think it can work. They’re human and deserving, but so are you, and if you’re not in for that then get out for the benefit of both of you.

[howdyfriends]

don't leave over something capricious or a really bad day, but don't be afraid to leave if it's truly not working out.
sometimes it actually is best for both of you to find other people

[noidsuper]

The advice is true but analyze whether you're truly doing it out of love. Remember, its a relationship not a charity. If you're genuinely miserable it might be time to cut things off.

[yashthehuman]

you know it's serious when Dr. K says, "good luch, you're going to need it".

[shk]

i have bpd and even if it was really hard, i managed to make 4 year old long distance relationship work and i'm currently living with my partner
it still feels surreal

[kittee]

I have BPD. My last girlfriend had BPD. I left not because she had BPD, but because she refused to work on her BPD. I was kind and stable to the best of my ability, but she didn't want to try.

[estebanm]

As someone who has BPD, surrounded by close people suffering from it, I'd like to thank you for this way of approaching the subject. It is an illness very stigmatized and living with it is far from being easy, but it's not something that makes automatically the person evil or abusive. The key for me has been understanding that all of the suffering coming from the emotional dysregulation doesn't justify hurting others; after a rant, or a crisis we must take accountability for our actions but at the same time try to validate our emotions. Yes, we're learning, we're trying to do better, but if we start to half-apologize and justify our behaviour we're allowing for it to happen again.

[CSGOCZ]

It was so intense to spend time with diagnosed BPD girl that I was suddenly out of nowhere crying, even though I am a stable person and crying is very rare for me. It is so sad

[caddieohm]

I'm BPD and I'm so tired and sad of being portrayed as a monster when I'm only scared. Luckily my partner understands and we have a few rules he agreed on so that I can feel safe. He doesn't feel abused either by those rules because they provide great reliability for both of us.

[gamarleton]

i love this dude. thank you for helping people understand that people with mental illness are humans too.

[maximellow]

Not bpd, but another disorder that affects my mood.

My boyfriend fully accepts my ups and downs.
He doesn't try to force them to change, he just rides the wave with me and mellows me as much as he can.
It's actually really refreshing, because past relationships always tried to force my emotions, which just lead me to get super angry.

I warned him before we started dating and told him if he ever needs a break, if he ever needs out he can. I will not judge him. He should never feel like I am his responsibility and he needs to stay with me as am obligation.

He's honestly my rock now. And getting a little "hey honey, did you do your breathing exercises yet?" can go such a long way.
And if it's really bad, sometimes he just hugs me really close and goes "breath" and it works.

[MNkno]

The media, and popular culture, often tell us the wrong things, tell us to give up at the first sign. If we're just on the first one or two dates, yes.
But if you're in what you've said is a committed relationship, don't run for the hills at the first signs, get help and do something worthwhile & beautiful.

[phylippezimmermannpaquin]

My ex was a very mentally unstable woman. Im thinking about what dr k said here and im seeing a lot in common. She was very self destructive when i met her and she eventually realised it was ok to break apart and wouldnt get judged or yelled at like her parents did. Stopped puking. Stopped being mean to herself. Started making friends. I had been going through some rough things in my life, including a lot of death and she had no clue how to support me as she sucks with empathy. Having to deal with her unstable mind, a long distance relationship i didnt want, a new physically demanding job, grief, all my chores, responsibilities, new born kittens to take care for and having to stay up late so she doesnt cry, it started weighing on me. The more tired i got the more tired she got. She went from being this incredible, energetic, intelligent, creative woman to her old toxic shell. Ended up cheating on me with a man she barely knew online and now shes more miserable than ever. Its hard to remind myself theres only so much i could have done and in the end of the day she chose to ruin her life, not me

[tarinvernon]

I hate this stigma. I have a friend who has BPD and she tries really hard to get better. Works on her self and the symptoms have been seen less and less. Shes really trying and I am so happy for that. What I hate is jerks who stop talking to her if she tells them she has this dissorder. People assume the worst and its horrible. People in the comments saying they arent deserving of love make me so mad.

[trishthedishluna]

My fiance may have a lot of heavy intense emotions but he's genuinely feeling them and that is so beautiful and worth working through together

[Roke]

I had this attitude, dated a lady with bpd for 2 years. I’m still in therapy over the time I spent with her.

Understand that the lows might involve abusive behaviour and being cheated on. The degree of volatility can be frankly traumatic.

Man was she great when things were good though.

[imNqt]

Doesn't the Laugh and "good luck you're gonna need it!", somehow Contradict everything else talked about...? Or am I the only one noticing it?

[snow]

As someone with bpd, if the person with bpd really wants to work on themselves and have a healthy relationship, they should be in some type of therapy to work on themselves. It's an everyday battle..with yourself.

[juliarutkowski]

I emphasize people with BPD a lot, it’s tremendously hard to live with this disorder, however if you’re constantly on guard and stressed around them, waiting for the next acting out episodes based on no real grounds it becomes unbearable and damages your health in the end, living with someone at the expense of your own mental health is simply wrong. I wish there was more people who are constantly at their most resourceful state and can create a good stable environment and help others with BPD to feel centered and at peace.

[alirak]

I think the most important thing here is: is the person with the disorder is making an effort. A lot of us (I'm including myself bc yeah, I've done it and in hindsight its horrible) use our problems as a crutch to do toxic shit to our partners. Yes, consider the circumstances. But. If there's nothing you can do without compromising your own well being, nor there's anything they can (or won't) do, it's okay to move on. Illness is not a free card to get whatever you want. But if the person is genuinely trying, I promise, the payoff you'll get for sticking around is probably the most loyal and loving relationship you can get.