How I Learned to Live with Borderline Personality Disorder | NYT Opinion

How much are you prepared to lose yourself in someone else’s pain?

In the Opinion video above, Kaitlin Prest, an audio artist and podcaster acclaimed for her intimate explorations of her own life, leads viewers into the depths of her intense and complicated relationship with her younger sister, Natalie.

Their bond, which the sisters also examined in a podcast series this year, is in many ways governed by Kaitlin’s emotional instability — a condition, she says in the video, in which “everything feels like an emergency.”

Using tag-team narration complemented by animation and an elaborate soundscape, the sisters open up about their relationship, and about how a diagnosis of mental illness for Kaitlin helped bring them closer together.

It’s a story that may feel familiar to anyone who has tried, at great personal sacrifice, to help a friend or relative endure a seemingly insurmountable emotional or physical struggle. How do you balance your love for and loyalty to that person against the need to take care of yourself? That question resonates at the heart of this video.


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[KristenMelinda]

3:15 "Having BPD means I will often experience the full spectrum of human emotion in a single day. With each emotion coming in at a hundred decibels. Everything feels like an emergency. And because I didn't know how to put the fires out myself, I expected Natalie to. " I relate to this statement quite a lot, and think it's a beautifully succinct way to describe the inner expereince of BPD.

[fixmysync]

This was a super confusing edit! It’s partially because both their voices sound exactly alike. But it’s also because they’re both narrating the video in the first person, switching from “I”… to the other sister also saying “I….” I loved the visuals, but had to watch it twice to fully understand it.

[MS-tyeq]

The story is less about the BPD and more about the sisters complete codependence on each other. The fact that they were able to break that codependence is what resonates for me.

[jmg]

I'm really glad that the two of you were able to form a stronger bond by realizing healthy boundaries.

[JadyLester]

Loving someone with the Beepideeps means scheduling time to not be there for them, learning what boundaries are, and how radically freeing they can be.

[Avaaaw]

At least she has a career. There are people with bpd - like me, who totally fail at life because they are so dysfunctional that they can’t keep a job and they don’t know who they are, what they want to be etc..

[thebassplayification]

My wife of 10 years has BPD. Unless you have experienced this condition in a loved one first hand, you simply cannot understand the level of pain it will bring into your family. I see a lot of videos on YouTube trying to make the condition and the people who have it appear quirky and whimsical. I assure you it is not. Most people with BPD will not seek treatment, most people with BPD will live their life convinced there is nothing wrong with them, all the while they are destroying every major relationship around them. It is a violent, terrifying, and soul crushing condition that leaves those that care for them completely emotionally destitute

[PeterZeeke]

As someone who has possibly 2 borderlines in my family this resonated and I appreciate for that. Its very creative. Its also confusing and needs some kind of backup explaining borderline personality disorder, I say this because the reality is it was published by the NYT which people will turn to for information and it is a publication capable of giving it to them

[dougsandrajohnson]

my daughter has BPD. This video hits home for me. I want to share it with her but I'm afraid she will take it the wrong way. I love her so much but I don't know the right way to love her.

[middlemarie]

yes people with BPD can be super super exhausting I say as someone with traits of it. DBT is super helpful.

[emmaknijn]

Having followed the Heart for so many years now, it's incredible to see a story visualised in such a familiar and beautiful way! Thank you ❤!

[rachel_sj]

"Most people around you and whom you love aren't going to have ALL the tools to help you like a professional will. They'll have a few, but not all..."

That's what my previous therapist told me when I couldn't figure out why I was getting the kind of support from my spouse that I thought I needed from him and he wasn't able to give. Because of this, I had trouble communicating how I felt to him and tell him what I need until my therapist told me this and it clicked for me.

I'm on the Spectrum and have ADHD and my sister has been more distant ever since she needed to draw her own boundaries and needing more time and energy. That was a few years ago and I can't help but think that I hurt her in some way by being too overbearing. I do hope things will mend over time; she was and still is my best friend and member of my family...

[Luke-Emmanuel]

if u have bpd and are reading this, please, please get a therapist SPECIALISED in bpd and bpd PSYCHOTHERAPY. Hunt for a proper therapist.

[jeanetterule]

Inspiring. ☺️🙏😌 when you put daily life into perspective, we are blasted daily with more information than anyone had in a year in the 19th century. We are inundated and assaulted with stimuli. We need to quiet down. We need to find balance at our center. ❤ our heart. You are both on the right path. One of my favorite things about true love is the saying “true love is letting go, and if they love you, they come back”

[evdm]

Fighting to find a way through relational grief and hardships, while feeling alone with that, is difficult at best, for me it was impossible. Parting with the person that meant the world to me, put me out to sea without a rudder, somewhere I hadn’t been in decades. Not sure if I’ll ever find land, not even sure land is what I’m looking for anymore. Glad you rekindled with your buoy to bob along with, even if tying up less frequently. Family is critical, no matter how one defines it; it’s identity, it’s culture, it is a lifeline, it’s what we are willing to give ourselves up for. Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable, it shows maturity and strength. GLTA

[abbeylilo]

thanks Kaitlin.
talking about bpd - real bpd- helps so many people who are suffering in silence / fear of being percieved/exposed.
i hope i can be like you someday.

[SigmundS]

It's tough having BPD. Living with someone who has BPD is no less painful.

[heatherdavis]

But you didn’t even say how you learned to live with it. Just that you did. You could have really educated people with this piece…

[gretchenpike]

The way this video is edited is an assault on my senses. I’m failing to find the home base/truth part. It just just doesn’t flow, fit, or anything. I clicked on it bc I feel like it was a relatable topic. But then I remembered the NYT gets it wrong sometimes and sometimes very wrong.

[Poppy-yxjs]

I don’t have BPD - it’s hard to have someone in your life like this who isn’t in treatment.