Why Your Autistic Mask is Cracking Open

Going into a deeper dive on when and how your autistic mask might start to crack open. It's a process and it takes a long time.

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I am NOT a medical professional and this channel is not a diagnostic tool. This is a personal vlog coming from a lived experience point of view.

#autism
#actuallyautistic
#autisticvoices

[bethanythatsme]

Absolutely random, but the color palette of your outfit and makeup makes my heart so happy! Jewell tones look fantastic on you 💜

[Synical]

I lived 41 years of masking. My family was very judgemental, so from a very very young age i was judged and shamed and forced to be normal, to the point of emotional and physical abuse. Noone understood, I tried to be normal but never felt that way. I became the ultimate people pleaser to the point of pretty much working for free at my local boys & girls club as a kid. I tried desperately to get anyone to accept me. I became a target for narcissistic abuse. I had 2 full time in my life since young. I didnt find out until my 30s i was autistic, but i didnt look into it. Figured it just meant i was slow. After escaping a unbelievably toxic relationship for 3 years i did some research into it. By this point my mask felt like I had a giant crack down the middle, i was in autistic burnout. Still am, i legit could not handle anymore. Videos like yours gave me information 30 years of therapy didnt. I resonated with this title so much i wanted to share a little of my story, if you made it to the bottom and have felt any of this pain before, You are loved and can be understood, keep trying to find somewhere you can be you. Ty for the help on my journey.

[Kozinovaa]

I like how you minimally edit, if there is editing involved, your videos because it shows us that not everyone is perfect. Seeing you take time to process things reminds me of myself and makes me feel seen. Thank you😊 I really enjoy watching the videos

[ListeningIsEmptiness]

I really appreciate your directness and courage in putting out these videos of your raw, unedited self. Especially want to applaud the discussion of queer awareness as a significant part of unmasking for some people, especially late diagnosed adults.

[SheWantstheDiction]

I liked your story about the eyebrow piercing. I used to want that one or a belly piercing when I was younger. I grew up in christian fundamentalism and decided to get my ears pierced on my 18th birthday as a kind of "f-u" to the constant body control!!

[EricAllenGriff]

Keep doing what you do. Look up and realize you get forward and share some with others that can identify to! All great! Be and find more of yourself and be all you can be. Thank You!

[chrissimpson]

Thanks for your incite again, my cats says hi!

[ladybird]

You are one of best creators for me. Your way of talking and making videos is so good, natural and suitable to
me, I would watch your videos regardless of topic. (In a sense as long as you consider the topic worth recording, it must be worth me listening.) My pool of creators that I'm - due to various sensitivities - able to watch is small and diminishing, since editing craze is spreading like a virus, ruining many otherwise good videos.

Regarding unmasking, I'm interested in this topic and pretty unaware what it is for me. This video helped me realise it is deeper than I thought. It is not about behaviour that I thought, it goes into self identity. There is much food for thought here. Thank you so much.

[martiwilliams]

Thanks so much for helping me through my awareness process. Much appreciated.

[jesterr]

A large number of people in my family are Autistic, including me. Some are diagnosed, but most have not been. I was always taught that perception was everything, and to always consider the way I would be perceived by others. I am biologically male, but I knew very early on that I was bisexual and non-binary. Things associated with the male gender never felt natural to me. When I first became aware, I was deathly afraid of anyone finding out. I tried to be as masculine as possible, even though it was totally unnatural to me. I just copied what I saw other men doing, and tried to do what they did. Anytime any thought of not be a cis het male went through my head, I would get really upset and beat myself over it. I didn't want anyone to see me doing anything or dressing even remotely feminine. It made me really depressed and led me to spiral into drug abuse. After I got sober in my 30's. I finally decided for the first time to start living in a way that makes me happy, and to stop caring about what other people think. I started dressing in a way that feels right to me, and doing things that make me happy. Most of the people in my life have come to accept me as I am, and it wasn't the big deal that I always feared that it would be. I am still working things out five years later, but I have felt a peace that I have never had before.

[notsillyone]

Its interesting normally I don’t mind being called by a nickname, but except when a person introduces them selves by their nick name I feel very uncomfortable using it.

[Autisticheather]

Do you think you can be exhausted for years after you find out you've been masking for 52 years? I'm 54 now and just feel so freaking tired. Now that I realize how much I've overworked my brain all those years, it's over it. My brain shuts down so fast now. I won't tolerate anything that exhausts me mentally like that. I'm wondering if I will ever again not feel utterly exhausted

[christinelamb]

Hi Amanda,
I get so excited whenever a new video of yours pops up! The way you talk about your autistic experience, the words you use, really speak to my own experience. Often I don't even have the words for it, but you give me the words. I often find myself going "Yes"! when you verbalize something I've previously been either unaware of on a conscious level, or maybe aware of but couldn't explain it.

I have a question that might be too personal, and I understand if you don't want to answer. Feel free to disregard if you feel uncomfortable discussing it! But something I'm curious about is how your husband feels about your discovery that you are bisexual? Was it a surprise to him? Does he feel threatened by it, and does he have any worries about your relationship with him?

[EricAllenGriff]

Good song if its what you like. Good for me defining myself at some angles... Dream Theater - As I Am. The live album version is a favorite for me. I am who I am... You are who you are. JS.

[LanceLightning]

Great video and you look jaw dropping gorgeous wow 😳😍😳💯!!!

[Ashley_Obscuro]

Omg this is so familiar. I hear myself in your story. Except I found out I was trans in my self discovery.