Autistic Masking is NOT What you think...

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00:00 You're not autistic anymore
01:17 Do you do this after socialising?
04:24 What was your score?
04:57: Why we desperately need support (TW)
06:25: Are you in a paper shredder?
09:05: The dangers of people pleasing
16:20 Why masking is self-hatred
19:52: Addiction (TW)
22:00 Is masking all bad?
23:50 Let yourself be autistic...

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DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.

[imautisticnowwhat]

Sometimes people can act like the ability to mask means you’re magically struggle free and no longer need to call yourself autistic. So here are 4 reasons why that’s not true!

[godricktheminecrafted]

This is like if someone was heavily internally bleeding and people were like “you’re not bleeding we can’t see the blood”

[sakucha]

Whats worse is when "home" isn't a safe space either. Just constantly masking your whole life. Masking outside the home to not come off as weird. Masking inside the home to not trigger any unpleasantness 🥺

[katerinaspencer]

I didn't even understand that I was lonely growing up because the stress of being around people was so much more overwhelming

[ClaraDarko]

Diagnosed at 42. Been masking heavily my whole life. At this point, my "stimming" is all about self-harm (skin picking mostly) and insulting myself inside my head. I never learned to stim in a healthy way 😢

[like]

I've masked around people at work and then they were talking about "weird people" in a negative way and it made me feel sad inside because if they saw me unmasked then they wouldn't like me either 😢 it was awful

[therealforestelf]

the whole drinking & addiction substance abuse story is a vastly overlooked thing that needs way more attention imho

[TessaCoker]

I am aware I mask. I called my facade in my teens. My mother used to tell me to just be myself and I would think “yes but which self do you want me to be. I am 70 and only found out I am on the spectrum last year. I don’t really know myself 😢

[Pfhorrest]

"Not having the right to say no" hits really hard for me. I tend to think of my masking as "business mode" (having only learned the concept of masking, from you, in the past month or so), because I guess I first started doing it as a way of being the perfect employee robot instead of my usual apparently unemployable self, and one of the things about being in "business mode" is never saying no, even if I don't want to or don't even know how to do something, figure it the fuck out and make it happen.

This bit me really hard once when a scammer called my work pretending to be local police trying to get a hold of me about a warrant for supposedly missing jury duty, and in retrospect like absolutely everything about this scam is so obviously a scam and I'm ridiculously embarrassed that I got taken for it but it started with a coworker transferring a phone call to me so I was just "in business mode" and complying with the things that the person on the business phone were telling me even though I felt suspicious and like this isn't right, but just MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN AND GET BACK TO WORK is all my brain would shout at me.

[mordaciousfilms]

"Mate crime" and similar is why I struggle to trust, why I'm insecure... why I fawn, why I have anxious attachments. I am lonely. I have been very lonely since I can remember, and I am usually suicidal because I feel so alone. People have not understood THIS level of loneliness - I have been cast out and judged and not understood why, had people pretend to be friends but just took advantage... I just really WANT a sense of belonging, but WHERE is that? I don't thrive in neurotypical spaces usually because at my age, I don't relate to others - I feel a lot younger than I am, though I have very "outdated" interests... I don't work, I have lived at home my whole life... I can't just like GO OUT to a random thing and chat people up - I don't know how to approach people. Even when I AM in social spaces, there's always a chance that I read as "weird" unknowingly. It really sucks. I have probably attracted a lot of sociopaths who were very gaslight-y and abusive but in subtle ways. I don't wanna have to be LIKE OTHERS or change who I am, I just also don't want to be SO ALONE in the world and feel so out of place.

[Arithryka]

7:34 my cycle goes "I want people to like me and I want to fit in" --> "I try to be involved and charismatic" --> "I become too talkative, annoying, focus too much attention on one person, overshare and embarrass myself, etc." --> "I feel immense shame, begin to obsessively police myself and question every single little detail of what I want to say" --> "I burn out and go into crisis" --> " I withdraw from others"

[ronruppel]

Hi all. I'm 75, and undiagnosed. Until last year I was unconvinced that there was anyone else on earth like me. Living like a hermit, I was unlikely to ever learn otherwise, until a most remarkable family moved onto my street. Now I know, and am discovering the people and resources available. I am in awe. The world is completely different now. I thank you and the other heroes who have helped show me that there is value to my life, and people who can recognize it. The sensations are overwhelming. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this.
I didn't catch your name, which I resolve to do one day, but for now it doesn't matter. For my purposes right now, you are us as I am us.
I am grateful beyond words.
Btw, this video was published on my birthday. Cute touch.

[thalicat]

the description of post socializing/masking rumination was soo relatable for me, complete with cringing and making lil pain noises while my brain processes thru all the ways "messed up" the interaction one by one, it's exhausting. especially when most of the time the things I cringe at are things that probably no one else cared about or noticed except for me overanalyzing everything 😂

[johnbillings]

I masked so well it took 4 decades to figure out that I was autistic. Now I have no idea who I am.

[ChrisWilliams-lsue]

I hate when Neurotypical people say "I mask too." I am different at work than with my friends etc. It's more complicated than that.

[publicenemynumber]

For me the funny thing is masking at least at work often creates a horrible feedback loop when I do it reasonably well.

1. People like me and want to get to know me better.
2. This puts more pressure to mask more and think of more acceptable things to say/do.
3. Inevitably I will mess it up in some way and the same people that wanted to know me better are suddenly rude to me.

To be honest I personally don't even mind being left alone for the most part, it's less stressful than feeling like you're spinning 100 plates to entertain others.

[emilydenomme]

I had to pause the video and come comment because I so heavily relate to the jekyll and hyde reference. I have felt like a “bad person” my whole life, asking myself why I can be so nice to strangers and so opposite once I get home from school. My mom used to say I had an attitude towards her, but I never intended on being hurtful, so I always just thought I must be a bad person for not being able to be nice all the time at home the way I am in public. I have grown to understand myself more over the past couple of years and its been very helpful!

[supersilvernova-utdb]

I mask through being quiet. I made a poem about it:
I do not mind sound.
I enjoy the water when it is pure and smooth.
I enjoy when it is sweetened, and even made bitter.
The diverse feelings can make me feel better.
There are always abrasions.
There will always be abrasions.
But I do not mind.
I do not mind sound.
What bothers me is not the natural impurities
That gives the water spice and life.
What I mind is the pollution of lies.
That is what gives me strife.
When poison disguised as sweet golden honey
Is dumped into my streams
Through purpose or ignorance it does not matter
For though I have no mouth, it makes me scream.
I could have a mouth.
I could rise up and take what’s mine.
But then I would be the disturbing moth
Taking what is “thine.”
Thus, I can never let known what is felt.
For fear of my own health.
What is that? Who am I?
Why, I am the river itself.
I am the river you poor your lies into.
That you pollute without a thought.
I care not that you knew not
When I am so close to your own selves.
You did not know I was a river?
Well, what else would I be?
Something so silent and cold.
Something to carry your sins downstream.
I do not mind sound.
Only when it is a burden.
When it breaches my serenity
And touches my conscience.
I do not dislike the connection.
In fact, it is something that I enjoy.
But when the connection is only a siphon,
That is what makes me coy.
I want your community, not your pity.
If you will not provide me company,
Then leave me to be lonely.
I do not mind sound.
In fact, I like it just fine.
But when the sound is just as draining,
I will choose silence every time.

[marlyd]

I didn't realize I'm likely stimming since talking about it with my autistic boyfriend, turns out we may vibe so well because I'm undiagnosed but really good at masking. So many little things I used to do, or still mindlessly do when I'm alone, I never thought about. Crazy. I'm 36.

[clicheguevara]

I was diagnosed at 38 after developing C-PTSD from masking my whole life - without even knowing that I was masking or autistic. I’ve learned that my situation is pretty common unfortunately. I’m glad diagnosis is much better now than when I was a kid in the 90s.