12 Signs of Autistic Masking | Your Child is hiding Their Autism

12 signs of masking or camouflaging Autistic traits.

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[Aheadfamily]

Hey Friends, here's how we can support you, and how you can support us ❤

[clairejones]

I’m autistic and have ADHD. I had learnt to mask both at school and home because I grew up in an Asian family and they are very unsupportive of these things. Masking is exhausting and I started masking at such a young age. Thank you for being such supportive parents so that they don’t have to go through what I and many other people did with having such unsupportive parents.

[MDari]

My son does ALL of these things and I’ve mentioned it to therapists, physicians and the school since he was 2… I was told he has ADHD . He’s now almost 18 and was finally told he has Autism and ADHD. He did not get the support he needed and is now trying to figure it all out. I feel for him and I’m angry at the system that ignores parents. Love your videos! ❤

[games_bond]

I mask a lot in public situations. I'm 17 female and was diagnosed at 14 (I wasn't given a level but I was told I have milder autism, so I assume I'm level 1)

Last week I had a meeting with my parents and some social workers. I forgot my sunglasses at home and I had to push through the whole hour long meeting with neon lights and LED lamps. By the end I was scratching myself under the table and squirming around. My mom, when we got out, asked "You're mad, why are you mad?" and I just snapped at her "I'm not mad, I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS EXPLODING"

I got a lecture about the fact I didn't bring sunglasses, and my dad said "You could've just asked" while I really couldn't have, knowing their usual reactions.

[path]

Although masking can be extremely harmful when left unchecked, as someone with late diagnosed Autism and ADHD I also believe it to be a life skill. I'd LOVE if everyone could be themselves and not have to mask their Autistic traits, but reality isn't that simple. My older brother couldn't mask his Autism to save his life, and I know he's wished to have better masking skills because he's been dealing with ableism his entire life. Me on the other hand, I masked a little too hard after seeing him get bullied for being himself and I ended up with burnout by 17. There has gotta be a sweet spot somewhere where we can teach our kids to love themselves as they are, but also give them essential social tools to be an independent adult in this neurotypical world.

[Wildflowerr]

Thank you so much for sharing. Your videos have been a blessing, & I am able to advocate better for my child as I learn from you.

[thomasschoeck]

When I was growing up I always had to hide that I was experiencing sensory overload because whenever I mentioned it I was almost always accused by people in my family of lying, attention-seeking (e.g. I was often accused of copying some of my sister’s behaviors for attention (even though she is level one and better at masking than I am (since I was level two when I was younger) most of the time), or of being overly dramatic.

[thomasschoeck]

I remember seeing someone do a fist clench (or two) as part of the process of suppressing a hand stim in a video that I saw on a different YouTube channel (I think it might have been one of the older videos on the autism family YouTube channel).

The disadvantage of suppressing a hand stim in this fashion is that it can sometimes be misinterpreted as “aggressive body language” (at best). I remember this happening to me on more than one occasion during my teen years.

Sometimes trying to suppress a stim can result in body language that can be even more easily misinterpreted.

[jaynewallace]

My son is an adult now, but I remember how he couldn't stand the seafood section of the grocery store. I would grab a coffee bean, and he would hold it under his nose when we'd walk by the fish. You mentioning the jolly rancher brought that memory back.

[courtneyharper]

Thank you so much for sharing perspectives from autistic adults when sharing this important info - so helpful in understanding the full picture and long term results of masking ASD.

[victorfriess]

I'm 25 years old now and have level 2 autism coupled with being higly gifted. I used to try to hide my autism a lot in school (unsuccessfully I might add) and I was punished for stimming rather than being allowed to exhibit those behaviors which of course only made things worse. I remember my parents physically stopping me from stimming because "it looks weird, stop doing that!"

Now as an adult I don't have the energy to mask anymore and I also do not see the point. I love being able to be myself including stimming as much and in any way that I need/want to. I have stopped caring about what other people think of me for the most part and am now much more focused on my own needs and desires instead! Needless to say, my quality of life has improved greatly since then. I believe all of us autistic people get to a point eventually where we realize that our own well-being and happiness is more important than keeping up a facade to fit into a society that wasn't made for us in the first place.

[thomasschoeck]

Related to sign two I sometimes had emotional outbursts during social gatherings (especially on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and one or two mother’s days). My parents and some of my other relatives interpreted this as selfishness and attention-seeking at the time (back in the 1980s, and early 1990s).

[eghtimx]

Pretending to understand, I’ve done that all my life and still do it. Yes not good for mental health. I’m trying to learn to ask when I’m in a safe place. But it’s hard to get out of the ‘habit’ of masking and pretending I’m understanding everything. Thank you for a brilliant video.

[hannahbanana]

Personally, I mask more at home or anytime I'm around my immediate family, I've masked so much that I think they don't even actually know what I'm like anymore so I think they would judge me if i start to stim. My friends, on the other hand, have always seen me stim and they are very accepting of me so I tend to mask more at home rather than in public.

[TheChadXperience]

I had really strict parents, teachers, and caregivers who basically forced me to mask. I was often beaten and punished for anything I did which wasn't suitable to them. I was also very anxious about being bullied, and this was a major reason why I tried very hard to mask as much as I could. I hated myself all my life, and tried my best to please others. I didn't even know what autism was until 45, at which time I realized that is the answer I'd been searching for my whole life. It explains so much, and I'm very greatful to finally have an answer. Understanding masking is what helped to realize that it's not about what you show on the outside that matters. It doesn't change who you are on the inside, and that will continue to affect your life in spite of your best masking ability. I feel as though greater acceptance would come with greater visibility, as it did with the LGBTQIA+ community. Silence leads to death, and suicide is the second leading cause of mortality for ASD individuals. Masking is self-injurious.

[shiny]

I vote for not forcing them to mask. I am so relieved that I don’t have to mask to do anything, I’d rather not do the thing so I don’t have to mask. I have suffered 😭many years of forcing myself to go to bday parties or other events but now that I know I’m autistic I just don’t go. I can now be me and live in peace. No more hiding in back rooms, or drinking alcohol to get through. I just don’t go.

[Freesoler]

I have worked with youth on the spectrum professionally now for 21 years. I believe stemming is heathy and important. With a background in psychology and special education, I can tell you that All people stem, not just individuals with disabilities. Ever tap a pencil on the table in a long boring meeting, or bounced you leg up and down to help you focus during a long day at work? Of course you have, all humans do it! The only difference with people on the Autism spectrum is the Ways they stem are unusual, so they are easier of others to spot!

Also, in general, masking is something people should not have to do. Every person should have a right to be themselves. People somehow think all people should be the same, but that is not true.

[pooruanimations]

When I started working at KFC 3 years ago, I had to mask myself because I didn't want anyone to find out I had autism. I was discriminated at Sizzler when I was working there as a dishwasher. The boss from Sizzler was so rude to me, they cut me hours and they even sent me home early for many stupid excuses. That's what happened during the pandemic, so I quit that job in 2020. Also my mom's ex-boyfriend wanted me to become normal and make autism go away. Autism doesn't just go away. I really hate it when people can be toxic and ignorant when it comes to autism.

[higherground]

Thank you. Thank you. This video is so heartfelt and empathetic, and I teared up at the end when you did! And I learned a lot! Autistic masking seems like such a complicated subject. We humans are socially motivated and long to be loved and accepted, so it's no surprise that autistic children even as young as two would start learning to mask. You were absolutely spot on about the future scenario Simon will face in elementary school. That scenario, and others like it, are guaranteed to happen, but Simon is so incredibly fortunate to have a home where he is free to be himself as well as the opportunity to make friends with other autistic children at his preschool.

I'm also now very curious about what your special interest is. 😉 I hide mine, too. 😉

[shiny]

Great information with good comment examples from viewers. 👍🏼