What is Autistic Masking? Could YOU be Hiding Autistic Traits?

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of #AutisticMasking and breakdown what it actually is. I provide examples of how #autistic people can mask and in various contexts including the workplace. Plus I share my take on the connection between early intervention therapies and masking. #autism #orionkelly #whatautismfeelslike

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD

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⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️

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[littlegirlblue]

Eye contact is the WORRRSST for me but I love people, so I force myself. Then I over analyze myself after each social interaction after and end up burnt out.

[ViraIshnia]

I feel the employment thing strongly. I had a job for four-ish years in a bakery. I LOVED it. I alerted management to my autism and everything went well. I even got promoted to assistant department manager. Then something changed and it became too much for my employer to accommodate my autism. Now that I was in management, I was expected to function exactly as an NT would and when I inevitably failed, I got in trouble. Any accommodations I asked for were ignored. I ended up having to quit because the extent I needed to mask on top of all my duties caused me to burn out. This was almost four years ago now and I'm still not at the point I was before. I doubt I will ever be that person again. All the effort I put in for over four years there was for nothing. As soon as I couldn't pretend anymore, they started going after me. I was heart breaking

[sirgalah]

I was long-term unemployed (for 10 years) I couldn't find a job where I fitted in.. Then I stumbled across meter reading for the local power company.. It was perfect, I was out by myself walking around reading the meters all day then after 8 years or so I couldn't do it anymore because my feet couldn't handle the distances anymore.. Back to square one.. Only thing.. To get into the job I had set myself some goals.. Buy a bike, buy a motorbike, buy a car.. One thing had to be better than the next.. Then I had to leave the job.. I ended up in a factory job working alone (which is perfect for me) being a product maker (I made 10, 000 litre batches of dishwashing liquid...) Then that job folded.. Back to square one again.. Then I got my present job.. I've been doing it for 14 years now - the best job ever.. I'm a postie.. Half the day is in an office surrounded by people I like and some I don't.. I'm wearing my mask because I have to be "normal" around them, but after the mail is sorted I'm out on the road by myself again mask off enjoying "me time" and delivering the mail.. I seriously love my job.. But when I get home I go to my blacked out room with my comfy chair to "unwind" after the first half of the day where I was masking with so many different people.. Its like every morning I walk in and repeatedly have to switch masks depending who I'm talking to or standing next too.. Thats seriously exhausting. The dark room is my safe plafe.. I unwind and cool off ready for the next day.. Rinse and repeat..

Sorry for the long text.. I was never good at it till I did a bit of uni and was told writing is like thinking with a keyboard instead if using your mouth.. Does that make any sense? I write/type like I'm talking to someone.. No idea if anyone will be interested in reading it but theres millions of people out there and someone might read it.. Anyhoo...

[AlanP-nh]

Masking at work is the reason for my meltdowns, stress and constant feeling of burnout.

[everybrainauniverse]

Masking (without realizing it) lead to symptoms of social anxiety and depression (including suicidality
, even in elementary school). After a mental health crisis, I realized how much energy I have spent trying to study human behavior and following every written and unwritten social rule. I was like a ghost in my own life. I also realized I have C-PTSD due to unmet emotional needs in childhood. Now that I have let the mask down, it is so much more difficult to put it back on (lots of shortcuts or skills to use with people seems to have disappeared). I feel like I am relearning how to do social things from the beginning. Lol. I am very lucky that channels like this exist for me to have community as soon I realized what was going on with me.

[dotanon]

The issue with masking really seems to be, especially for undiagnosed adults, that we view every superficial coping mechanism and internalized social rule to be our identity, when in reality our identity is every impulse we suppress. I know if I talk passionately about things I like the average person won't be interested. Nobody wants to hear me talk about the intricacies of Dota 2 and why I appreciate the game's design philosophy, or hear me talk in depth about the Japanese language and the grammatical differences with English and the way the differences affect how ideas are expressed, or any number of other culturally and age inappropriate topics that have no relevance to them. I know that if I express my true opinions on the latest popular show people are watching they will be offended and see me as a downer, even if I'm just giving my view and not trying to ruin it for them. Or if I tell them my opinions on the latest pop song with 2 unique verses and 6 chorus repetitions created by men in suits with degrees on how to make music as widely appealing as possible, I know they will see me as a kill-joy monster.

So I just play a laid back character and listen to other people, keeping conversations going when I have a chance to contribute with a question or observation. I am mentally and emotionally barely present in 90% of social situations I find myself in. It's like I'm just cycling through a few generic socially correct responses and mad-libbing in a few interesting words specific to the topic for flavour.

[michelebriere]

I can make eye contact when I'm listening. If I try to look at someone while I'm talking, my brain shuts down, and I can't speak. My train of thought disappears.

[TristinKing]

Love the honesty here Orion. I've recently been diagnosed at 46 and it's been enlightening to finally make sense of why I feel like an alien. Also the pressure to fit in with others (and still fail at it). Keep up the honesty and advocacy!

[michellehubbard]

I think we give NT people too much credit for being 'normal'. Many NT people have no empathy, are narcissist, uncaring, and full of themselves. Let's not pretend like these aren't some of the 'personalities' we're not trying to avoid. Masking may be needed for survival but don't forget there are good things about being on the spectrum. We wouldn't be the people we are today. We wouldn't see the world 'differently' and have the point of views that we do. We see the world in ways others can't sometimes. Let's be ok with who we are.

[relentlessrhythm]

Because of burnout, I'm having a harder time masking. I wish I could start my own business and no longer work with the expectations of NTs.

[martinmckee]

I have had very similar experiences masking my depression. I have literally been told - when trying to form relationships - that I should just be myself... and to present myself as happy, because people like happy people. Those suggestions, of course, are absolutely contradictory for someone with chronic depression. The disorder, to a great extent, is diagnosed based on the fact that I'm not happy.

But, the message is clear. I am only acceptable if I hide who I am.

[magrudergrinder]

I've been out of work for two years after the worst depressive episode and burnout of my life. I've spent a lot of time in therapy, been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and ADHD. For some reason though, it never felt like those diagnoses fully explained what I've been going through. Watching a single video on autism and then watching vids on autistic burnout and masking and a lightbulb turned on in my head. I've had many a job that I couldn't hold down because I became overwhelmed, blew up, and quit. It all makes so much damn sense now. Hoping I can go through a diagnosis process to confirm my new theory about myself.

[dimpsthealien]

Totally relate 100%! Especially about the job situation. I just shut down and walked out after 8 years. Was then diagnosed incorrectly with bipolar, which didn't fit. Now I know MY Truth, no thanks to the medical community. As a middle aged female, I now look back and it all makes sense. No wonder I've always felt like an alien.

[bunnyyoung]

I have bored the arse off so many people! And I'm oblivious and then wonder why they avoid me 🙁 well done for your hard work at breaking down important barriers thank you xx

[StephInOttawa]

Here in Canada, masking can really go beyond just fitting in..
As someone who grew up in CAS care and didn't have much family for protection, masking was the difference between being allowed to grow up & live a life with freedom, sexuality, etc-- or a life of isolation and seclusion in an abusive government-funded "Long Term Care Homes".

Even as an adult, this is still my worst fear because I know that, if I were ever put in one of those homes, I'd never be allowed to leave.

[terriem]

That did help. In school, I didn't try to mask. It was lonely. In 8th grade, I had three good friends who were quite talented. They were neurotypical. But Hawaii was very informal (I went barefoot for a year) and there were a lot of diversities generally, racially, ancestry wise, economically, religiously...
It was the only place I really felt at home. I have had about 10 friends in my life, and I'm in my sixties. I was in Hawaii for about a year.

[RatsPicklesandMusic]

The ending about masking and jobs really hits home for me. I'm lucky that my job doesn't fire you after only 3 strikes. They don't even know I'm autistic but I've been there for 10 years now! It's largely based on customer service in a grocery store setting and so I've gotten talked to several times over the years for times I had bad customer interactions.
Masking is difficult and definitely impossible to do all the time. And even though I DO feel a little stuck at the job I'm in, I do still feel lucky to at least HAVE it.

[leafy]

The two frogs on the background is soo cutee

[justinweatherford]

Thank you. You have helped me realize that me not being able to shut up about the things that I find interesting doesn’t set me apart from other autistic people. I often can’t figure out when they are done with the conversation.

[dhowze]

Recently discovered that I am on the spectrum. Thank you for covering this topic. I am coming to grips with how many years I've been masking. I am 48 years old. I understand why and how my mental health struggles came from.