Relationship OCD? 10 Tips for ROCD

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ROCD like all OCD lives in the imagination and the doubt and uncertainty tries to convince you that your doubts are true.

There are some common core fears in people with ROCD. These fears include:

• Making a wrong choice in partners
• Settling in a relationship
• Feeling unhappy, unattracted, or numb in the relationship
• Making a choice that will result in hurt, disappointment, disgrace, embarrassment or ruin.
• Missing out on a better relationship.

The doubts and the fears are there. But IT IS believing the doubts and fears as if they were facts. And reacting to the anxiety with compulsions and avoidance behaviors that feed and propel the ROCD cycle.

It is important to recognize compulsions so that you can resist them.

Common ROCD compulsions can include things like:
• Ruminating about the “rightness” or “wrongness” of your relationship.
• Comparing your partner to others or to past relationships
• Analyzing traits, especially negative traits about your partner
• Avoiding commitment
• Avoiding steps like being exclusive, moving in together, getting engaged or married
• Possibly frequent break-ups and then getting back together
• Obsessive confessing about your lack of feelings or attraction
• Compulsive Checking on your level of attraction or happiness
• Reassurance seeking from family and friends, therapists or relationship sites

Here are 10 tips to help you with ROCD:
1. Recognize that your doubt is ocd. Doubt may show up as what-if questions or even emotional numbing like it did for Rob.

2. The relentless confusion and the urgency to take action is also OCD. You don’t have to figure it out now. Allow the discomfort and the anxiety to just be there unattended and let time pass.

3. Use the I. A.M. method to help you with any compulsive urges or compulsions:

a. The (I) stands for Identify. Identify the intrusive thought, the doubt or the urge. “There you are OCD.” You can even name it or label it. This helps to separate you from your ocd.

b. The (A) stands for Allow. Just allow whatever is there to be there. You are not pushing it away or frustrated and you are not engaging in any compulsions to reduce your discomfort.

c. And the (M) stands for shifting your focus or attention in the moment to something else. It helps if you have something that you can do. This is what people do that have recovered from OCD.

4. You could plan more intentional ERP (exposure and response prevention) to trigger your core fears.

5. You could write, record and listen to scripts about your imagined, worst-case relationship scenarios.

6. You could set a timer on your phone for every 60 to 90 minutes during your waking hours. And when the timer goes off you read and linger on your obsessive thoughts on purpose without doing any compulsions to relieve your anxiety.

7. You could put stickers on your devices and throughout your home to remind to you to think of your uncomfortable thoughts on purpose in order to be less reactive to those thoughts.

8. With all of these techniques, it is important to vary them and always practice response prevention and resist your compulsions before, during and after your exposures.

9. And most importantly, practice self-compassion as ROCD causes so much personal anguish and recovery is a process.

10. There is also therapy called inference- based CBT that focuses on resolving the initial doubt and confusion.

#rocd, #ocdwithpaige, #ocd ,#paigepradko
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Until next time...I will see you in session,

Paige

Clips and pictures: Google and Pexels

(Although Paige Pradko is a licensed psychotherapist, the views expressed on this video and this YouTube channel including comments or any related content should not be taken for medical, psychological or psychiatric advice. Always contact your physician and mental health provider before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.)

[ED-cyss]

My main trigger in this theme is ‘I don’t have butterflies 24/7 like I used to, I must not be in love anymore’
I struggle between acting indifferent to the thought, and possibly changing my outlook on a realistic standpoint on love. This video was very helpful.

[ThatsassyGirlboss]

People who are in a happy, healthy relationship but you have OCD and get intrusive thoughts about somebody else and those are uncontrollable and they trick you into thinking that you're unloyal or are betraying and then get anxiety and think they're butterflies that you're feeling for other person. Lemme give you a quick reassurance that butterflies make you feel giddy while anxiety makes you stressed and sad and yk what I mean? Just let go and know that those INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DON'T DEFINE Listen to this one subliminal about controlling your mind, pray and believe that you'll get there!
Love to you, bro/sis.
Akky❤️

[Brunofromaraguari]

I love my boyfriend a lot. But I started having thoughts that I didn't really love him, that I was going to cheat on him, even though I would never cheat on someone etc. I have a friend who in the past I even thought I had some minimal interest in, he was dating but now he broke up. And my mind thinks "how do you know you are with the right person?" but I'm not even interested in that friend anymore, even so my mind says "how do you know you're not in love with this friend and not your boyfriend?" And then I blame myself for thinking that. I honestly love my boyfriend very much and these thoughts make me feel very bad.

[codystokes]

Does anyone else ever have anxious thoughts about whether ROCD is just something that people made up to make themselves feel better about settling in their relationship? - to me, this relates to “what if this isn’t the right person for me? What if there’s someone that’s supposed to be better for me?” It makes sense, especially in the context of attachment… this reminds me of disorganized attachment.

Im in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in with the most understanding and loving man… I love him a lot and it not perfect, but he’s open to communication and hearing me and my fears, etc. and I fear i wont be able to give him the love he deserves like he so effortlessly gives me, amongst so many other fears. Part of my anxiety is questioning if I’m just pushing down by “gut feeling, ” which is really confusing cause my intuition feels so clouded all of the time, even outside of the context of relationships. I’m really starting to doubt the whole “when you know, you know” thing because for someone like me???? Who was never taught how to trust herself in life, and basically just taught to NOT trust It’s a much larger thing than just trusting any intuition… I often feel like my intuition tells me to BOTH stay AND to go… I’m scared to tell him about ROCD and I also don’t want to accidentally play with his heart by being so chaotic and back and fourth. 😩😩😩

[madh.]

My boyfriend of 2 years and prior friend of 3 years has OCD, and throughout this video you helped me understand why he left me the way he did!
I knew his darkest thoughts and compulsions but he didn't go to therapy anymore.
You helped me reduce my pain so much because i understood that even because i thought our relationship was ideal he must have been in so much pain and thats why he left me.
I hope he tries to help himself because he is a wonderful man.

[chayparker]

This was such a good video. My ROCD makes me obsess over whether I love them or not, this helped me not focus so much on that.

[philipblom]

Thank you❤. I have been struggling with ocd for about 10-15 years now. For the last 3 years I've been in an beautiful relationship, but I now just realised I might also have r-ocd.

Thank you for your video❤

[karinanikoghos]

I really like the level of empathy I feel from watching this video. I am in this same hell as others who watch this. Recovery would feel so beautiful.
Thank You ❤

[matthewelizabeth]

I am tearing up- you have literally just changed my whole world in 10 minutes. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Thank you i am going to work so hard so one day I can finally be a good partner.

[caitlinhansch]

It's such a horrible thing to go through! My husband truly is the love of my life. When I think of happiness, him and our life together immediately come to my mind. When I look at him, I am overwhelmed with love. We've been together for 16 years, and I am so grateful for those years, and I am so happy we get to share our lives together. So, when I'm having a flare, it's shattering! I have felt so sick to my stomach that I physically throw up.

The brighter side is, taking the steps you've outlined here has helped me immensely! I am not free of OCD, but it no longer controls me the way it has. Thank you!

[entropia-flaviacolacicchi]

We will do this guys, trust in love and everything will be fine ❣️

[chapiduh]

I have ROCD since 8 Years. This must be scary for others to read. But in all of these years I really had fantastic moments. I went to different kind of therapists. I have learned many tools from them. Now I am seeing a therapist who looks deeper inside of my childhood. I now know why I am like that. But ROCD got always its grip back on me. I had month and weeks where I was just happy and thought that ocd would never come back and that I am finally free. But then it latched again and I woke up with anxiety in my stomache. I developed a Trauma response to OCD where I fall into a derealization- kind of state when ROCD gets back on me. This video helped me to get back on my feet and to start again for the 100th time. Thank you.

[pashaniane]

Thank you for the specific examples. It normalizes the experience. As a therapist, I struggle with ROCD and it affects my relationships. I like the things you said. Thank you

[InfamousAMH]

I struggle with multiple mental disorders. ADHD, ASD, and OCD. I have problems with just about everything in my life, and recently I noticed that I was having thoughts and feelings about my partner that were contingent with ROCD, and those suspicions have been confirmed, and remedied. Thank you for this video.

[VIGUISEX]

I have heard that people without ocd also experience days of doubt. It seems to be pretty much in our nature.
As always, amazing content with the most helpful information that I've stumbled upon to date.

[rach]

Thank you for this video, the thoughts and constant rumination has been causing me so much distress. It has helped me to identify with my therapist and accept that I have OCD which includes ROCD. I will subscribe to your channel

[azureart]

thank you so much for this Paige. your counsel has been so valuable for me as i’ve struggled through different forms of ocd these past years. there may be a relationship blooming for me right now, which is already such a crazy and new experience. i had BAD ocd yesterday because i had been smitten with this person ever since i met them, we talked nonstop, even have two more dates planned—but then i started getting doubts like, “am i really attracted to them? what if i’m not?” and i was compulsively checking to see if i was and was in so much turmoil because i couldn’t make those happy butterflies come back. your video has helped me realize i need to ignore my ocd and proceed. thanks!

[wholesomeoatmeal]

I got an intrusive thought when you said it’s good for couples to experience new things together. I got “we don’t do enough together. We would be happier if we did” and then I almost had the compulsion to google things to do with your partner and then tell my partner we need to do more things together. Good lord… lol

[yobiffar]

I have this but not in the sense of a romantic relationship but about my mom and grandma. I suddenly felt the EXTREME urge to move away from them which I never ever thought about or felt before. It was like "move away NOW NOW NOW, maybe even leave the city altogether" (which again, I love this city and don't want to move away). I know this is my OCD talking but it still felt so real and I felt back to compulsions. Now I ruminate about "did I really want to move away?", "what if i wanted to move away?". At the same time I try to reassure myself by saying "all summer long I was having an absolute blast with mom and grandma! what about it should have changed in the span of the last 3 days?" But yeah, this is reassurence seaking and I need to stop that but this is incredibly difficult for me this time around. I actually don't know what to do and what exposures I could design for myself since I at the same time have the thought-action-fusion of "If I repeat these thoughts or think about them, I will find ways to convince myself that they are actually true" and it's basically saying "therapy will convince me of moving far away from them." Difficult.

[karolina]

You have no idea how helpful this video is for me. I've spent 4 years with a man and suffered anguish through 3 of them. At the end I broke up, because we were totally incompatibile, and it's been 10 years since then, which I spent alone. OCD feels like such a stigma, but I'm happy to name my issue and identify it. I'm 37 and I don't know if I ever be able to be with anyone having this issue, because it feels like I have no contact with my heart and with what it wants, needs or feels. And last time the anxiety was so overwhealming I could bearly function. It caused a lot of distress in the relationship.