Stop Being Too Nice

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starring -
Melissa Macedo
Michelle Macedo

shot by Auden Bui

grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee

sound - John Lee

edited by Ben Chinapen

gfx by Bethany Radloff

[melissawilliams]

"being kind means including yourself when considering *Mind blows up in impressed* Perfect quote

[littlegremlin]

"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" is what I try and remember.

[desireedejesus]

“Being too nice only teaches someone else how to disrespect you, take advantage of you or take you for granted. ” Just what I needed hear.

[Leoo]

So, in other words, being "too nice" basically means being nice without any boundaries. So being nice is completely ok, but having no boundaries is the real issue that causes problems for us.

[tierspigs_creations]

I so appreciate this because I’ve been told in the past that I’m “too nice” so I’ve been working on that, being true to myself while still trying to be kind. It’s really hard since I can’t say that it’s made my relationships any closer, but at least I’m not ignoring how I truly feel about something just because I’m not sure how someone will take it.

[ZavieM]

"Being nice means sacrificing yourself for others but being kind means including yourself when you consider others." I've never quite thought about it that way. What a GEM.

[truehou]

I learned the hard way that being nice and kind doesn’t mean putting myself at a constant deficit (physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually). People will take advantage and get upset when you no longer allow them to do so.

[liquidvelvet]

Being "nice" has been my default mode in nearly all situations where I didn't feel safe enough to be myself and say NO or having another opinion/view. Over time it messed with my own inner navigation/value system - probably bc you are constantly lying (in a way) to yourself about your own truth and sacrifice your true "inner north".
Thanks for reminding me again! 💕

[meanmochalatte]

I actively stopped being nice and people pleasing and my friends accepted it whereas my family members started asking me if I was feeling okay because I wasn’t trying to be that nice person for them anymore 🙂 Not to mention, niceness can also feel really disingenuous compared to actually kindness.

[ower]

I let people walk all over me in middle school and I have come to realize being too nice gets me nowhere besides feeling content and I'd like to thank you for opening my eyes

[Anonymous-jnkc]

Stop pleasing people who can't reciprocate your effort and energy. Being "too nice" doesn't mean letting yourself out there for others then forgetting who needs you the most and that is yourself. Be kind to others as well to yourself. Don't hesitate to walk away from any situations or people, who can't see the value of having you in their lives. Much loveee!

[icemaverick]

I was always "too kind" to my best friend. I did everything she ever wanted and I never complained. But it was always about her. We talked when she wanted to, hung out when it was best for her, always went to the places that she wanted to go to, if she ghosted me bc she was upset or her life was too stressful I was to be understanding, etc. I always went along with it and catered to her needs because I didn't want to come across as rude or a bad friend. But after going to therapy and learning to care for myself, I started doing things for myself she got upset with me and called me a "bad friend" for not "supporting her." When I pointed out that I always catered to her needs and that it was ok to do stuff for myself she proceeded to block me on everything. We haven't spoken in months and, honestly, I feel like a much more complete person now.

[kawaiipieceofshit]

Thank you Anna. I really needed this. I've decided to leave my husband. He used to be okay at the start, we would still get into a few fights but it wasn't too bad. At one point I decided I'm going to be nice and I thought that would make us not shout and argue anymore. I wouldn't shout back at him, I would just talk normally and tell him my feelings and that I don't like to be shouted at. I thought we could communicate better if the volume went down and I thought I'd be the first to do this. Instead he got worse. The more passive I became the more he got aggressive. He would slam the doors and shout at me for leaving the window slightly open, or picking up the phone a minute later instead of right away. It got so bad, and now I realise it's because I didn't fight back. I was so naïve. I decided to end it with him when he took his anger out on my cats. That's unacceptable.

[PierceArner]

This is *critically* important to help identify when you're slipping in to the dynamics of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Abuse will push you to stop being *kind* & start being *nice* — _because to avoid guilt & shame, an abuser has to RETURN kindness… but just REDUCING their cruelty is sufficient to be "nice" to you._

Self-soothing & people-pleasing can BOTH become exploitive, so it's important to find where the line of kindness exists. That is what will ensure that both sides are following the same rules for achieving actually equality in a relationship. Almost EVERYONE will need slightly different types of support from one another, because you're not clones.

Stress will amplify both aggressive & submissive behaviour while also expanding the context in when you'd use one or the other. That's why it's easy for those habits to creep in unintentionally, and create a feedback loop that neither of you can easily escape. It's doubly important to shut those things down when they're growing, before you get swept up into them.

Kindness will allow you to re-establish a healthy boundary that is _mutual_ rather than create defensive walls. Boundaries are vulnerable & open, whereas walls either forcibly restrict the other person, or that trap you in that situation.

*Where walls exist, a relationship can not.* Whether or not that is _kind_ is a difficult decision that you often have to make without being nice.

[NickNotas]

You can be kind without being a pushover. You just have to be willing to say no sometimes, set strong boundaries, and respect your values.

[SamElle]

RIP IM DEFINITELY A PEOPLE PLEASER!!! I'm easily swayed by other people's requests and will go along with whatever they say. I used to think this was me being a good person but I realized that this just allows people to walk all over me and I needed to build a backbone

[bandaid]

Anna I'm convinced you can read my mind. That's the only reasonable explanation to how you make such poignant videos like this exactly when I need it. Thank you as always <3

[sadlemonn]

oh no - i definitely needed this. I've been trying to be a bit more selfish this year, and realising that being too nice is just self-sabotage. Thank you for the reminder Anna xx

[its_a_zany_day]

You're always right timing :(((
I now learned the differences of being "Nice" and being "Kind".
Its soo true that being to nice can harm you because people can take advantage over you and take you for granted.
Just now someone included me into something that I didn't agree to be in one!

[selohcin]

"Include yourself when you consider others" and "include others when you consider your own situation" are both elements of kindness.