Why You Need to Stop Being So Nice

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Do you feel like it's all on you to make sure everyone around you is happy, has their needs met and is taken care of all the time?

Do you feel good about it or is it stressing you out, is it getting way too overwhelming or are you feeling taken advantage of?

I will tell you something, just this time: Stop being so nice! (It's actually making you miserable).

The idea of making everybody else happy all the time and meeting all their needs may sound lovely, but the truth is, it’s causing a lot of harm to you in ways you don’t even realize.

Today, we are going to talk about the three of the biggest ways that people pleasing is actually not good for you at all.

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Come connect with me!

[MsKiddah]

My self care comes first.
My pleasure comes first.
My joy comes first.
My relationships come first.
My boundaries come first.
My body comes first.
My spiritual practice comes first.
My safety comes first.
My self affirmation comes first.

I. Come. First

[queerchoreography]

A therapist telling you to stop being so nice? I LOVE IT

[kyliechen]

Just be yourself. People who gets angry for you being yourself is not your problem. They just want to manipulate you to behave in the way they wanted you to behave.

[caramelunicorn]

When I try to please people I feel inwardly resentful and get lots of pent up anger. Not worth it.

[applecore]

Note that when you stop people-pleasing and doing what they want, you may be called selfish and rude. Realize that THEY are the ones who are selfish and rude for expecting you to do what THEY want, and worse, guilt-tripping and shaming you when you refuse! Sadly, my mother is a narcissist who never respected my boundaries thus I became a huge people-pleaser who was completely out of touch of my wants, needs, and feelings. I didn't realize this until I was around 35. I wish I had known this sooner. I would've saved myself from so much pain, self-abuse, and terrible decisions.

[Bikerlover]

I’m a former chronic people pleaser, Be prepared to lose so called friends, friends that only have you around for what you have to offer or what u can do for them... I’ve been called everything in the book which is fine I don’t think I give a shit anymore

[Cpuja]

Coming from an extremely nice person, I recently learned that when you’re too nice to someone you subconsciously set up big expectations for them and yourself. When they don’t end up meeting those expectations you crumble. Just be kind but don’t be too nice. 👍🏻

[vampireslayer]

100%. My Narcissistic mother "trained me" to be codependent, nice and an enabler.
It took me forever to understand what happened. Today I cut them off the moment that I sense a problem.

[rebeccaoprea]

Finally at the age of 34, I am okay by myself . I don’t need anyone to be “happy.” Through a series of events, I realized I was giving too much of my time for others, to fill the need to be needed .

[radaka]

I was ALWAYS so nice to everyone until I realized I was unhappy. And if you don't make these changes, you'll just end up snapping on people and then you scare the shit out of everyone lol. There's is a big difference with being overly nice where you are putting everyone else's happiness before your own AND just setting up boundaries where people know you're a good person but you're NOT a damn door mat or put here to unconditionally serve other's. NO is a complete sentence. Anyone in your life gets pissed because you tell them no, either get them out of your life or set some major boundaries. They're the ass, not you.

[judy]

I have made a decision to stop being nice and pleasing people!! I'm done!! And people are never grateful for good deeds and take you for granted.. Goodbye niceness!!!

[lolaapelt]

"It's not that complicated, We don't like people who disrespect us, so when we disrespect ourselves, we don't like ourselves" Brilliant!!!!

[Mari-ilbw]

I’ve always kinda felt that I was too nice but I recently had an experience that opened my eyes, and I’ll share that now. I’ve been trying to make new friends so I started meeting people online. I met this girl and we ended up meeting in person. I picked her up from work and we went to the mall and hung out. After that she asked if I could pick up her boyfriend from his sisters house and I said yes (shocker!). We get to the sisters house and this girl tells me that she wants to get out and chill for awhile since his family is there also. Despite the fact that I barely knew her, didn’t know these other people at all,
and that I had to be back home at a certain time, I agreed. When I walk up to everyone I wave and say hi and no one acknowledges me or returns a hi. Even the girl I was with doesn’t talk to me but socializes with everyone else, leaving me alone being ignored by everyone there. I barely knew this girl and she had me drive her around and I never once voiced that I wasn’t ok with it. I didn’t want to inconvenience her (her! A stranger!) so I put her needs before my own. Then when she treated me so rudely, when they all treated me so rudely I felt resentment. I had went out of my way and that’s how I was repaid. It was a terrible and eye opening experience.

[mr.d.]

Note too, that we can get fooled by the positive responses we get when we're nice to people. In our mind, we think that means they value us, so we feed off of their approval. But try saying no sometime - THEIR REAL COLORS come out! You start to realize that even though you thought you were more than just a co-worker to them, or a valued friend, etc. - in THEIR mind, you were just a transaction to benefit THEM. This isn't the case every time, but it is the case more times than you would care to imagine! 😮

[theduchess]

I call people pleasing "the scapegoat syndrome". Sacrificing your own inner wellbeing and happiness for others. You sacrifice yourself for other people's gain and benefit at your OWN expense. Each time we do this we BIND ourselves to a crux ( crossroads/ wrong decisions made following others ) and we NEVER move ahead in OUR OWN lives to accomplish the things that we would love to do! Peace and light!

[sassysandie]

I’m 65 and spent a good majority of my life pleasing others. As a Jesus follower I realize I need to love others but I’m tired of being everyone else’s. Cheerleader. I can honestly say the only cheerleader I have had in my life is my husband. I’m thankful for him. This video is a great reminder and I thank you!

[CoushattaL]

My anxiety always makes me be to nice and people always take advantage of that or treat me like crap. I do like being nice but there is many times I just want to walk away or be rude because they're not being nice. But my major anxiety makes me want to avoid all kind of conflict. I'm extremely sensitive and cry easily I'm terrified of any slight conflict and it makes me feel so weak and pathetic. I really want to change.

[karenlockridge]

I'm 55 yrs old and I've been this "nice" person ad long as I can remember. I have had identity issues my whole life. I've been told I need to stop being so nice and toughen up several times.

[maryg]

Then when you can't please others, guilt sets in. I learned it is also trying to be the hero and I can't. It is freeing to realize I can't be their hero. So I stopped and I love it.

[marcwareham]

I’ve spent my whole life trying to please my ungrateful parents! It’s literally ruined my life and self esteem.