Caregivers Must Be Selfish To Survive | Dave Nassaney | TEDxWilmingtonWomen

Did you know that 30% of caregivers will die before their loved ones do? Many more will become sicker than the ones they care for, eventually needing a caregiver of their own? Everyone will eventually either become a caregiver or need a caregiver, so NOW is the time to learn how to become one, before tragedy strikes!

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[escape]

Down depressed and hopeless is an understatement to how you feel when you become a caregiver. You feel like not only your life, but whole outlook is stolen from you. You feel like another person takes you over. Constantly on and never being able to even really have a bathroom break without worrying about whether your Alzheimer’s mother is going to accidentally hurt herself in the next room. It’s been about two years or more since she’s passed away and I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten myself back.

[chrislim]

I am exhausted, scared and overwhelmed taking care of my 82 year old father.
Please pray for me.

[whyimsmarterthanyou]

Appreciate the easy days, folks. When the time comes that you have to live for someone at the end of their life, you'll understand the unmitigated joy and freedom of the days before the caregiving obligation.

[rebeccatomlinson]

I retired from my job of 36 years to care form my now 87 yr old dad. I loved my job and my friends and feels like I lost everything. I am constantly up and down and get 15, 000 steps in just 5 rooms. He is sharp with his words and doesn't care how he treats people. My husband helps only for a few hours at night. By the time it is bedtime I am mentally drained and physically exhausted. I tried to bring in help, he was horrible to them. My brother is very sick, needs heart and lung transplant. I feel so overwhelmed and just want out your video says u need to b selfish to survive. I wish it was that easy. I love my dad, the person he is now is not my dad. One day I will get my life back. I take it day by day.

[lisaburmood]

This speaks to me so much. My husband has Parkinson's and just had spine surgery due to osteomyelitis in his spine. Our 15 year old has autism. It's pretty hard.

[naturalwalker]

Being around sick people.makes u feel sick

[samuri]

This is dam true. My mom cared for my great aunt, my grandma, and my grandma. All three had cancer and other medical crises... Now my mom has cancer and it's worse and more aggressive than any of my grand elders... And now I'm scared of getting sick as her caretaker and I'm only 27....feel like my whole life has been stolen from me ... What you said here is sooo true.

[keariewashburn]

I stopped my nursing career. Ended up caregiving for 5 family members. Lost my 2 best friends during Covid. Im exhausted and lost track of taking care of myself. My children and grandchildren live in another state. ( 2000 miles) i would love to be spending more time visiting them. But im in this with caring for my parents. My sibling does not help at all. Anyway, really getting my stress down and made some progress. Finally got to stop a bit and get to my doctor's appointments. Burned out. Got selfish and put my care for front and followed through. Balancing and putting yourself first, is really so important!

[jasonbutler]

He is an individual that profited from family loss, and preached to the rest of us he cared.

[jonidee]

Hard to give to others when your own bucket is empty. I started watching it because this is one of the bad days.

[plantbasedunicorn]

My son had a heart transplant last year and this has been a 15 year journey. Therapy is so necessary. I’m struggling but I’m doing better. I hope things get better for anyone reading this message ❤️💕

[circlenowsquared]

I became a caregiver when I was just a teenager. I was lucky enough to play more of a supporting role in caregiving, while my mother took over more of the personal caregiving. I wish she could have seen this video then.

[ProdigiousOne]

I went through a similar experience as a caregiver for my mother. I took care of her for eight years. I was so NOT ready for that. I did my best, but I honestly never expected to take care of my mother at the age of 27. My mom died August 2021. I'm learning how to live without her; it's going to take time. I focused so much of my mind upon her and now I'm trying to learn what to live for now. I wish that the healthcare system had given me this kind of help while I cared for my mother. There was a caregiver group, but I never ended up joining it.

[jemelledavid]

I just watched this video today and that is what I learn in caring for my mother with dementia, me first. I wake up early to have my coffee while enjoying the morning, then her rime for breakfast, I eat my lunch earlier than usual to have a full stomach and so I will not be grumpy because she eats slow or she is not in her best self. A list goes on on how I give care while being selfish, these selfishness gives me strenght and less stress to survive being a caregiver. I value that if I am healthy my mother will have the best care from me. I still get exhausted and sad and a lot things negative that is why I find help through my cousins that can give me abundant love and advise, neighbors who are willing to listen to my woes and self help like this videos and some reading.

[tiffanygwilliam]

Powerful message and delivery that resonated with me! As caregivers, it is vital that we continue taking care of ourselves. Thank-you for brining awareness to all of us!

[jcgurl]

My God, I just found this video and I feel like this man was describing me. My 79 year old father had a traumatic brain injury 6 months ago and what was supposed to just be a few days to help him ( I flew in out of state), turned into 6 months! I have no help at all besides weekends when my brother comes. I feel hopeless, helpless, and angry. I feel like my life has been stolen from me and so alone. I flounder, wondering if I'm doing the right thing every day and am depressed. I miss my husband, we've been apart this entire time and just sleeping in my own bed. Watching this video has given me hope that it is okay to be selfish and that I need to find a support group or therapy FAST!

[ratan]

I was a caregiver, it was an awful experience nothing rewarding about it.

[amg]

I'd really like to know how to become I'm caring for a 92 year old father totally by myself, unpaid. I can't drive, family and friends don't offer to help and we can't afford outside help. I don't ask this sarcastically, but honestly. How does someone like myself who has literally no one else, become more selfish? After 4 years of this, 24/7, I'm going downhill fast.

[madelineortiz]

I became a caregiver when my son was diagnosed with Autism. Is been 15 years and will be until I'm gone

[shespeaks]

I've been caretaking family members on and off for twenty six years. Now I'm in the process of taking care of a selfish, manipulative, controlling family member. I feel my whole life has been ripped away from me every waking moment. The stress has become so intolerable until my medications for insomnia and anxiety no longer work. At this point, I don't feel any guilt because I'm in a battle for my own sanity and well being. I made a promise to myself that if I get through this I will never ever be a care giver to anyone again.