Children Should Take Care of their Aging Parents and other myths - BUSTED by a Geriatric Doctor!

Are you responsible for aging parents? What if you had a narcissistic mother or an absent father? When they become ill, is it OK to say no to putting your life on hold to help?
Should all older people move to a "home"?
Do older adults need more sleep?
A specialist in Geriatric Medicine answers these questions and discusses myths about aging.

#agingparents #aging #geriatrics
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[pairashootpants]

Thank you SO MUCH for the first myth busted, I devoted far too much of my life to a narcissistic aging parent and especially during the years my kids were younger. I can never get that time back, and my mom didn't appreciate it, she saw me as an employee more than anything

[Aztec]

My parents constantly said they never wanted their kids to care for them. They’ll never be a burden. I knew my parents had a boat load of money. Inherited and savings. And then the hammer fell. They both became ill. Suddenly, it was constantly held over our heads that our inheritance was dependent upon how we took care of them in their old age. I worked full time. But I had to put my job in jeopardy when they went into hospital numerous times. They wouldn’t hire anyone to shop, clean or take them to many appts. I was exhausted for years doing most care. I knew they had more than enough money to pay for extra help but they just kept playing the well you are our kids and you’ll get money when we die so you should just do everything we ask. I kept telling them, I’m exhausted too. Just get help. PLEASE. They both had to go to nursing home. I was so relieved. Still got a little money but it wasn’t worth the stress of having my own job downgraded as I was no longer a reliable employee. I never told my parents. Your boss doesn’t care that you have to leave work a couple times a week. I so wish parents wouldn’t do that. I never had kids myself. My mom never understood. She just wanted what she wanted. Oh and they abandoned their pets and left a horribly messy house for us kids to clean up. That is cruelty. They’ve been gone over 10 years but those last 7 years of hell haunt me still.

[GustavoRodriguez-qrpo]

I’m 25 and I’m taking steps to make sure I can take care of myself because I won’t end in a nursing home

[HeatherCampbell-kcfx]

Ten years for me taking care of parent. They never planned. Just expected that I would do it. I lost my freedom, income, and social life. Emotional roller coaster!

[robertblake]

People who had unsatisfactory relationships with their parents, found them narcissitic, abusive, unhelpful, unsupportive -why should they be compelled to be a caregiver ?

[jabbersnarky]

You can plan your own eldercare. There's no excuse to let it fall on your kids and ruin their lives if they choose to pick your entire life up as their adult dependent. I have no idea why society thinks it's okay for parents to suddenly become completely irresponsible with themselves. If you don't plan your care, you get the care you get, not what you want.

[Mary-tjqx]

I’ve been a nurse and can tell you that the vast majority of elderly people I cared for had no support from their children. Those people weren’t all narcissists. There are a lot of people who lack the empathy to understand how vulnerable their parents become as they grow older. This lack of empathy, from what I have seen, is a big part of why children don’t get involved in helping their elderly parents. We should judge that.

[marionwest]

I’ve wrecked my back trying to lift my Mum off a commode. I am exhausted and depressed by the relentless demands made of me. As an only child with no kids of my own, I ask myself who is going to take care of me. I am already 70 plus and it all seems so pointless and scary.

[privateprivate]

It’s also more than just our parents. I have a downstairs neighbor who is just 6 years my senior and “decided” I should take care of her, even before she became ill. You cannot, as a neighbor lateral yo me, decide I’m in for a life change, merely because you moved in. I hold agency over that.

Had I begun taking care of things for her, she’d have also understood a change in power dynamic. That I would want to visit with her doctor, see medical records, and start making decisions over how much TV, eating and exercise was going on, because she seems like the type to not mitigate her circumstances and, instead, further burden someone else, who actually works for a living, instead of retiring early.

I’ve gathered that a couple of my neighbors feel that, because an older single, black woman with no children lives in the building, that I should be running a free hospital. SURPRISE🎉!

[nancyadams]

My 97 year old aunt demands that I leave my home, job and social life and move 200 miles to move in with her because she is bored. She is in an independent living facility and is just fine. Her passive aggressive response is to call the police on me for security checks. I have had to replace or repair my door multiple times.

[MissSarahGM]

I am spending a few weeks at my father's and your video is spot on. He is 80 and has narcissistic personality. I put aside my resentment and want to help him. Indeed, I see him sleeping a lot, spending most day laying. His apartment is full of stuff he hoards, and I try to clean up but it is hard to throw it away. Despite the mean hurtful words, when I don't meet his needs (giving him all my attention and day), I can see he is not doing well and don't know how to help.

[buttermepancake]

I think another point in this conversation is that not everyone has had the same relationship with thier parents.
Children shouldn't be made to feel an obligation to take on elder care for thier parents nor should they be forced to.
This can only worsen so many situations.

[celestialcircledance]

I do want to point out that not caring for an elderly parent doesn't always have to do with a fraught family history but logistics and temperament . Maybe the adult child lives far away, cant afford to take a lot of time off work and just doesn't do well juggling a lot of responsibilities or have the temperament for caregiving . All relevant reasons !

[lazarusblackwell]

Its true that not all people are weak.

There are a lot of strong old people who are stronger then many YOUNG ones.

[passionatesingle]

I am taking care of my mum with Alzheimers for 4.5 years now. My choice. But then again I am not English or American and in our culture we honor our parents. I stopped work to do this and i do not see it as a burden.

[andreatheherbalist]

Thank you so much for this video. I care for my over 90 year old granny doing everything I can to keep her in her home. Some days I feel bad and this video helped thank you.

[PTheGoat]

being grateful for your parents taking care of you is plain foolish. Them feeding you, clothing you, and housing you is a parents RESPONSIBILITY as a parent. The bare minimum that they CHOSE to have when having kids. Do you ask for a puppy, feed him, and house then say he should be grateful and owes you? Of course not you chose to get the puppy and it’s responsibilities. You can be grateful towards your parents of course but don’t get brainwashed into thinking you owe them everything for the BARE MINIMUM responsibilities THEY CHOSE when having children. But of course many 3rd world countries don’t think of responsibilities and pop out kids left and right in poverty then explain their kids owe them and should be grateful for what they had that parents are supposed to do as good responsible people in the first place.

[lazarusblackwell]

My mother spends most of her retired days in bed and its killing her health.

Also, i understand people who had a difficult relationship with their parents.

Not everyone loves their parents because they never received any love from them.

[NoName-zbgm]

Maybe not every case but the children should take care of the parents. One good reason is your kids see how you treat your parents and your kids will treat you the same way.

[lincolnlove]

Wow. So completely void of duty or honor. This disfunction appears to be a sign of a falling society dependent on the state because the family unit has crumbled. We should take note of other cultures and how families care for each other and live together.