Caring for the caregivers | Frances Lewis | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries

This talk was given at a local TEDxSnoIsleLibraries event and produced independently of the TED Conferences. Frances Lewis, university professor and researcher shares tips on caring for those who routinely give care at home or professionally.

Although Fran’s work is based in compassion and the desire to make things easier for people with chronic, life-threatening illness, she is known as a methodical scientist who thoroughly tests interventions that might be useful. The University of Washington professor of nursing has developed ways to measure how family members manage the impact of cancer on their everyday lives.

[shespeaks]

I've been a caregiver to three family members within the span of 27 years. Im now taking care of my husband who has stage 4 cancer. After nineteen months of care, today I've made the decision to place him in respite care for five days. I'm grateful for videos like this one that focus on caregivers. We need the support, understanding and compassion that we so freely and selflessly to give those we care for.

[grannybooster]

Anger, resentment, and frustration are conditions of caregiving. It doesn't mean we don't love those to whom we provide care; we have to recognize that these emotions are perfectly normal. Dedicating time to ourselves helps mitigate these feelings.

[chellelaw]

30 yrs old and took care of both my grandparents alone until they both passed last year. Dad has had ALZ 5 years. I gave up opportunities and relationships. I loved them dearly and do not regret it, but i feel very lost and lonely. Lost all my friends in the process. I feel old.

[taylergardella]

I was my moms caregiver from the age of 12 - 22. My mom had stage Four Melanoma Brain cancer off and on for 10 years. It spread to multiple places in her body through the years. She passed away in October 2020. This has been very difficult for me. I have a lot of guilt, sadness, and anger. My mom worked full time sometimes two jobs while having cancer. She is the strongest badass person I have ever known. I miss her tremendously and just want to make her proud.

[gladysredmansson]

I know Franny as a very good friend. We both took care of our spouses as they battled terminal diseases. She has been a most helpful and insightful person in my life. Bless you Franny. You are a blessing to so many.

[TheAlreadytaken]

I am definitely an unpaid caregiver... i have paid more than 150k and made sacrifices.. and given up a lot of things.. and had to leave some relationships because their lack of love.. support.. understanding or just didn't get it.. it is extremely stressful...and i am glad this video show cases some of the stressors .. its harder than taken care of kids.. its a daily emotional roller coaster of emotions and not wanting to burden anyone with intense emotions.. and some of this video sheds light or what we go through.. not necessarily a daughter but its goes through various things we suffer through... but now i am getting more help with my mother.. hopefully this time it works and i will have time for myself.. I've been traveling and coping.. i appreciate all those who stayed with me when it was hard to understand my own feelings... and people being selfless and loving.. even some people in my past some that didn't get me I'm sure they understand me now.. so i hope everyone who is a caregiver to take it easy.. find someone who will love you through it all and be your shoulder and y'all just keep watering each other.. i am hoping they will try and get support groups for caregivers.. we need so much love and to be understood..

[bonitaburroughs]

I can't even relax in 15 min. I want my life back. I've been taking care of my parents for so long and i want my life with my husband. We've lost so much time together and now we are almost seniors. No end in sight.

[shellywray]

My 55 year old husband who I have been married to for 33 yrs.had a major stroke in 2017 nd I brought him home because that just happen to be my line of work.Almost two years later I am at my wits end.I can handle the physical but the mental.OMG

[revllorlegit]

And when caregiver has chronic severe pain from multiple health challenges it is even more difficult.
Agree with all the tools, she has suggested in addition, my experience is My God, The Great I AM-His Grace is Sufficient as I require it!

[blueminnie]

While I believe this woman is sincere, "actually" being a long, long, term caregiver is a different experience than observing. A caregiver needs more than 15 minutes to himself or herself and a lesson in listening.

[marcusjones]

I’m a spousal caregiver. I work full time, and I help spouse with tasks such as food, getting them dressed, helping them make it to the bathroom. Staying up all night to help with basic cleaning needs where needed. The stress has caused me to suffer from memory loss and delusions.

[inderpreetbindra]

Care givers die a slow and painful death. All the time waiting that someone will rescue them one day, but destiny kill them every second. It's really tough to get through this. I have been going through struggles, responsibilities, pressure all my life and ended up in care giver. My whole life has been stopped and I don't what how long I will carry on. I have lost all I had and I always want to do so much. Life is miserable.

[miagilaani]

It’s been 10 days since I’ve been a caregiver to my mom who broke her arm & had surgery and I can’t imagine what other ppl feel who have been doing it for years. As an introvert who needs time for herself I feel like I’m losing my sense of self everyday slowly. I’m not complaining & I wouldn’t want anyone else to care for my mom but my God I feel so stressed out at the end of the day. I’m sleep deprived & hardly have time for myself or to pursue the things I love. Even though the situation is temporary but I now truly feel for caregivers.

[helenalford]

I think this talk is really good because mostly when society talks about caregivers it's about people caring for elderly relatives or an elderly caring for the spouse - it's very rare to hear about how it is for middle aged or young couples caring for each other and there are a whole other set of issues.

[mariabarrios]

We had the misfortune to go through that with my mother who passed away and my grandmother with dementia. It feels like a never ending nightmare :(

[barrycrook]

Being a willing caregiver to my wife, ( of 48 years) diagnosed with AD i feel that after 6 months I am becoming a Jekyll and Hyde having to live in two different worlds in real time. Now I am at the stage of exhaustion and losing interest in trying to slow the progression. Being totally exhausted each day, and having to plan for the tomorrows, along with producing meals, and still running our business, my main worry is that I will not be around to give her the love and care she needs as she progresses.

[Bella-infb]

My alone time was after she went to bed...but then my anxiety was so high, I would binge eat late at night.

[CAPEjkg]

Caregiving kills the caregiver way to early. Its absolutely not right for a married couple taking care of wifes grandmother because other family is nonexistent. It's not right to give up your house, life and putting marriage on hold to move in with grandma who can still physically do things but is used to things always being done by grandpa who passed. I feel so alone and worried about wifes wellbeing. We live to serve grandma and no longer live for us anymore. I'm tired of the people who get to live their own life in their own house say you're doing a good thing and it will be alright. It's a sentence to servitude and absolutely wears you down mentally and financially. I'm working to keep her retirement lifestyle going by using our future retirement . Just so sad for our life and what it has become.

[paradisebright]

Great job Mom, I will practice that in even normal life even if not for a caregiver role. May God bless you.

[champacaregivers]

Yes, there is a lot of need for caregiving.