Whose Fault When Children Disobey? | Kim Constable | TEDxStormont

All parents get angry at their children. But there are hugely more effective ways to discipline than anger. Kim Constable, radical unschooling mother of four, discusses how disciplining with anger actually has the opposite effect to the one you want.

Kim Constable is a vegan eating, yoga teaching, online entrepreneur and unschooling advocate.  She believes that children deserve the same respect, freedom and rights as adults.  She teaches how arbitrary rules that we force upon children, are designed to meet the needs of the adult, not the child.  Kim and her husband Ryan exist in partnership with their children, allowing them to live in freedom.  Her kids do not attend school and do not participate in any kind of forced learning.  Instead they are free to pursue their passions as sources of learning, living life with joy and purpose.

@deyogatox

[gillian]

Listening to this with tears down my face. My dad couldn’t control his anger growing up and I’m 22 still dealing with the trauma. I really want the best for my kids one day.

[stefanieallen]

I love the honesty in this. How many mothers would admit that they hurt their child?
Stories heal and I think it is so important that we as parents are honest with ourselves and with each other. Because acknowledging that you made a mistake is the first step to resolving the issue and becoming a better parent.

[clairecarlia-jones]

I grew up in a home of domestic violence and this talk really moved me. I know just how her child felt when she screamed at him. I'm 47 and the last time someone shouted aggressively at me (my older brother) I had to retreat to the bathroom to cry. It never leaves you . Thank you for posting this video

[MrPrasanthjohn]

Very honest speech I have ever seen in my life...I could really connect...and regret for those moments where I lost my patience. I hope ‘m not late I can still change myself and help my kids being a good parent....thanks a lot! May God bless you!

[kateslate]

I didn't cry, but did get the feels. I grew up with a mom and step dad who either smacked me or yelled at me when I was out of line. It only caused me to become an angry, fearful and aggressive grown up.

[ARTEMAT]

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Viktor Frankl

[triphoptimism]

It's extremely difficult to be this open & honest about a "mommy melt down moment." Thank you! I appreciate your message and your bravery.

[xoxangiexox]

I felt this speech. Everytime my mum and stepdad fight I get blamed because I somehow 'started the fight' or 'made it worse by being there'. It can never be their faults, it has to always be someone else's

[PriyaAbe]

Sorry to my kids for yelling so many times and losing it when Iam emotionally drained ! This was such an eye opening talk. Her enacting really made me see myself .

[ghanshyam_analyze]

wisdom comes from experience... braking old patterns is the first way to set a new pattern

[sassymgl]

Her Yelling helped to realize how my children might felt when I yelled at them! 😔 not a good feelings

[ashbashleymash]

As a parent, we do our best. It’s a thankless, selfless, hard job. Nobody is perfect and we’re all doing our best. We all will yell at our children at one point or another. And it’s not our fault or our kids. It’s the fact of the matter. Moms are the warriors of the world and sometimes our kids hear our battle cry. If you have yelled at your kids don’t feel guilty. All we can do is try to be better. There’s no textbook telling us how to do everything perfectly

[towardsgrowth]

this went from being the most annoying speech I have ever listened to, to the most influential and persuasive one

[vickialbanese]

This had me in tears but never did I have to scream or threaten violence to get my boys to straightened up. Yes I yelled but but never screamed like this at the top of my lungs. Heck that’s scary for me now. But I had no problems getting my boys to behave. Neither of my older sisters ever screamed at their kids like she had to. I’ve screamed at adults to shut up. We were taught the only time you scream is when the house is on fire. And I believe that is a good rule for every household.

[sanatshah]

After listening to this, I became more confident that my mother is the most understanding and caring mother. I don't remember if she or even my father ever yelled or hit me. I think I was a bit emotional guy and knew the distinction between right and wrong (not sure!) and all that I wanted was to not provoke them and for that I do whatever they say

[azzatamano]

Love it when her kids went up to the stage and hugged her.

[Thomas.Wiggin]

This mother is spot on, when you stereotype others, you rob yourself of the insight that will help you in life. Kids are like paintings, but the darkest memories will bleed into you.

[sihembouaoud]

thanks for these precious advices, really i need to work on myself and change my behavior with my kids in order to obey me and behave well, hope i can do it god help me.

[nicklarson]

Love that it comes down to our choice and our mindfulness and not living in denial. Beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it! It helps us all be better parents.

[aranoguera]

With tears in my eyes, I am so glad I watched this. It is not too late to do it right.
Thank you, Kim, for the message and the way you delivered it.