How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Each child is unique, and some have trouble following instructions more than others. How do we help a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? I have some great tips for you based on my experience fostering children with ODD and it will surely help you. Stay tuned!

Watch and Enjoy!
Nicholeen Peck
Teaching Self-Government

Key Moments in this Episode
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00:00 Intro
00:32 Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
01:28 Self-Government
02:21 4 Basic Skills
03:26 Power Struggles
04:50 Consistency
06:00 What's next?

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About Nicholeen Peck
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Despite your best efforts at raising children, is your family dysfunctional? Do your children set the rules and have control of your home instead of you? Are you looking for parenting skills that will help you create a united, happy family?

Then meet Nicholeen Peck, one of the world’s most effective parenting experts. Whether you want to fix child behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, her proven system — Teaching Self-Government — can help you turn chaos into calm.

"People are starving for help to save their families," says Nicholeen.

Since 1999, her seminars, workshops, one-on-one training sessions, parenting videos and books have helped thousands of families worldwide regain peace, be happy and maintain unity in their home. The secret? Learning how to use effective family systems based on parenting that’s deliberate and pro-active (instead of reactive). It all starts with the principles of self-government. If you’re a family of faith, you’ll especially love how your faith and values can be woven into her parenting system.

Nicholeen Peck’s Accomplishments
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* Author of “Parenting: A House United,” “Popular Parenting Methods: Are They Really Working?,” “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business, and Social Success” and many other books and magazine articles.
* President of The Worldwide Organization for Women (WOW).
* Nicholeen regularly speaks at the United Nations and other congresses around the world as an advocate for strengthening families and motherhood.
* In 2009 her family was featured on the BBC reality show, “The World’s Strictest Parents.
* Trained as a foster parent for Utah Youth Village.
* Has parented many troubled foster children.
* Successfully raised (and raising) four children of her own.

Testimonials
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“Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children.”

“Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helped my family so much.”
Michelle

“My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different!”
Julianne

“I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck.”
Michelle Baker

“If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this program IS for you.”
Sandra

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Video by Nate Woodbury

#TeachingSelfGovernment
#Homeschool
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[dsprings]

Diagnosed as a kid. Almost 40 now. Can tell u when things got serious, the adults or authority figure who talked to me as an equal and kinda explained consequences of my actions really helped me and those were the only ones i respected back enough to listen to.

[joliem]

Yea..all that sounds great and I have done all of this AND consistently as well as the ADHD..behavioral skills for ...I is different when you are the actual mother who provides love and emotional support. They feel like they can fight back like a hellicat What makes it worse is that there is no father to back me up ..which makes a big difference... it's pure he'll in my home..my other child is miserable

[beverlystandforth]

Emotional exhaustion is such a good expression.

[lindayusof]

My eldest son is currently facing this issue, but he is getting better now.

I started noticing him having ODD symptoms early 2022.

He did a lot of things in school which had annoyed friends, teachers and principle.
And other parents started to complaint due to his behaviour towards their kids.

He never listen, loves to argue, , he always want to win, always annoys others, easily annoyed by others and environment, frequent temper tantrums, and many more.

He hated school, teachers, friends, everything about school.
And everyday was a nightmare, waking him up for school was a real struggle, never without tears.😢

School asked me to take him for therapy after series of events involving him with other kids, teachers, unable to listen to orders and giving disturbance during classes.

I was lost, kept asking why this thing happens, and what went wrong.

Until there was this incident where he had caused injury to one of his teacher. And when the teacher asked him to say sorry, he kept himself silent. And when the teacher calmly said, "If you love your mother, then ask for forgiveness" .

Nothing happened. He acted like nothing happened and I was shocked since it happened right before my eyes. Didn't he love me?? That seemed like a red signal to me.

At home later that day, I asked him whether he loves me, and he said NO😭😭😭 with the look in the eyes full of revenge and hatred.😭

I prayed to Allah to show me the solution in Dec 2022 last year during my pilgrimage to Mekah.

After listening to Dr's recommendations, sharings and comments from social medias, I changed my way of advising him.

No more hanger, no more rattan, no more raising voice to him, always hug him, listen to him and makes him feel important. Always ask how was his day at school, etc.

On April 2023, his school teacher informed me that they were shocked to see his changes.

And of course I feel embarrassed, realizing that I was the one whom triggers this from the very beginning.😢 it wasn't his fault. It was me😢

Now I understand things slowly happened when I started having another baby and he felt neglected.

He used to take all the blame even it was his younger brother's misbehaviour and I changed this behaviour as well. No more bias, be it you are older or younger. Has to be fair among sibling.

I'm happy now that he sincerely confesses to me that he loves the new me and when I asked him why he recently behaved in school, he answered " I behave because I love you". He hugged me closely.

I cried that day the moment I saw him as if I was looking an innocent baby whom I had 8 years ago. My bad, sayang. I am so sorry... 😔

In conclusion, violence never a solution to any misbehaviour/misconduct.
Treat our children with love and respect.

I have learnt the hard way.
I hope others may give it a try too.

[BMarie]

With my nephew, when he’d get really upset, we’d step outside for a minute. We’d go look at lizards, or just sit and play with a car. There’s no reasoning with a toddler when they are that oppositional. Giving him a few minutes to calm down first was always key. Talking to him like an equal was always key. Explaining things to him, explaining consequences, and not making it a “you’re going to do this because I said so!” Type things always helped. He is a brilliant young man who processes things very maturely. I think that alone sometimes overwhelms him. He’s five, but when I talk to him like we are equals and get on his level, that power dynamic dissolves and it’s us working together for a solution, not me trying to mold and conform him.

[sheilawebb]

It would be neat to see examples, like played out scenarios of how these strategies could work.

[myidentityisinjesus]

After 14 years, I've learned there is no solution for ODD😢 We are a good family. My kid could have it made but everyday she makes us all miserable and refuses to be decent and so looses privileges. We have tried everything and nothing changes. I'm sick of therapists and phycologists. The best we have gotten is an antidepressant that regulates her mood so she doesn't scream and fight us for hours on end. The only light I can see anymore is the day she graduates and moves out. 💔

[Self_love]

I wish I knew all this. I tried everything I thought. As he got older he self medicated with illegal drugs and OD almost three years ago. I fought so hard for him 😢

[jenniferdavis]

So what do you do instead of engaging? We need to know that step. If you ignore my child will hit, kick, spit on you until you are down in the floor and I'm not strong enough to restrain him. We've gone to the classes on how to restrain someone with his issues but the simple fact is he is much stronger than me and he knows it.

[nicolereadstarot]

He was diagnosed with odd but he just acts like my narcissist ex. He only treats me bad and he has even started talking about poisoning my food, gaslighting, trying to get me to fight with my husband, making me question my own memory, weaponized incompetence, talking about me getting into accidents, saying he feels bad for my twins because I'm their mother, and when I finally react says "why are you over reacting, it was a joke 😏" or saying I am crazy. I started recording him and he immediately stops because "it's embarrassing"
He feels he should be allowed to watch rated MA tv and movies, at age 11! And now he is stealing and lying.

[michaelmcgee]

How does a parent walk away from a child that has a outburst? They follow you when your trying to disengage.

[lauramartinez]

You say don’t engage but what exactly do you do when they are screaming at the top of they’re lungs right before bed when everyone else is sleeping?

[ADHDNME]

If i react, my granddaughter doubles down. If I stay calm and don't react in anger, she moves on to something else. It's the reaction they desire!

[tobyswesternwear]

Is it possible to have a child that has ODD but be extremely smart in school? Years ago my daughter was diagnosed as having ODD but the school refuse to acknowledge the diagnosis because of her high grades. With the exception of her doing well in school, she has all the symptoms of ODD. She knew how to use the system to her advantage and was able to get the school and social services on her side. I know it's hard to believe but like I said she was very smart. Fast forward, she's an adult now and still is has the defiant behavior that I was hoping she would outgrow. Even though she was diagnosed having ODD her school talk her out of having it in which is the reason why I couldn't talk her into getting further help. Now looking back I sometimes wonder if she was misdiagnosed or is it possible to have ODD and be an exceptional student in high school and college?

[Justshill]

Helo! My adult sister has ODD and its been a miserable life dealing with her. She needs a lot of help and is homeless. I have no patience for her and am very angry about the things she has done to me and the entire family. What kind of counseling do I need to be able to cope with her. She is confrontational and has been violent. Also im 1k miles away.

[TiaMcHugh]

I'm a teacher, I have a student who is diagnosed ADHD. However, his behavior is more O.D.D. He refuses to do any work. He wants to play, color and cut paper all day. He comes in and says, I'm not doing anything today and he means it. I'm at a loss because I try to follow his 504 for small group but he refuses EVERYTHING. Meanwhile, his mother thinks we're making the environment hard. What she doesn't know I will not argue I encourage him to participate, invite him to my table, offer him a clipboard to do his work in his clam down spot. I always offer three times then, I stop. I take what ever we are working on he didn't do and write a note saying I offered times and he refused.

[maurisagubler]

To be honest, every child needs these executive functioning skills.

[PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER]

Firm consistent fair boundaries support children to feel safe.

[Mr._Johns_Productions]

I love this video I really didn't know what my kid's problem was until today.

[CharlieSummers.]

Question: what exactly does “not engaging” look like?