How to Create a Relationship That Lasts | Being Well Podcast

How can we create relationships that last? On this episode of Being Well, we lean on @RickHanson's 35+ years of couples counseling to explore how we can build relationships that are loving, healthy, enjoyable, and reliable. This includes learning the structure of most relationship problems, how to make vulnerable communications, and how to stay open to change.

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Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
2:15 What issues brought couples into therapy most often?
4:50 The structure of most relationship problems.
12:30 Giving your partner what they need.
15:30 What differentiated couples that improved from those that didn’t?
21:15 Skills that increase the chances of building a good relationship.
21:45 Loving vs. liking.
25:00 Deliberately activating feelings of “liking.”
27:00 Getting “on the side” of the relationship.
31:10 How to make a vulnerable communication.
39:15 Openness to change.
43:40 Three red flags in relationships.
46:00 Practices to deepen your relationship with your partner.
54:30 Recap

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[malemaline]

Love this father son duo. We need. more examples like this.

[dorishaus]

So thankful I found this episode, can’t believe I missed it when it came out!! I’m going to watch it again with my husband, fortunately he’s open to this stuff!!
Wonderful, workable wisdom!! Mahalo!!😇❤️🤙🏼

[catherinemanuele]

Thanks Forrest for saying, "We can love someone and not like them". Holding someone in respect even if we aren't fond of their company.

[carolinaacastro]

Everytime i see the two of you interact and also when u talk about Elizabeth i heal a little bit. It is amazing just the modeling that u r doing with this podcast, nevermind the content that is also absolutely fabs. Thank you guys! This father son healthy relationship on the internet is one of the most healing models for me at least, I cant thank you enough for doing this for us that dont have good parameters and are having to learn it now. ❤

[dublingirl]

Loved this wonderful discussion! It was very insightful.

[lydiasikes]

A lot of very helpful information here to sit with. Thank You both.

[elchachu]

Great conversation. Will be very helpful for me. Many, many take aways for me. But two things struck a chord. First Forrest's comment about identifying with the grievance grinch (my term) in our head, and about being aware of times when it's just best to just drop it. Big one for me. Don't know if it's just me (I suspect/hope it's not) but I think this could be a topic for a whole podcast. Why do we hold on to the grinch so tightly? Why do we play it over and over? When is it time to just drop it? When is it telling us about an important need that's being neglected? Also, i'd like to add a couple points about change. I think for any relationship to work we have to be willing to adapt to the other, and that might mean dialing down or dialing up some of our preferences or tendencies. And being open to requests for change -- within reason. Also, in my experience, the relationship itself changes. The relationship is a process. It evolves. If we identify with the way our relationship worked for the first few years, the relationship might not last. But if we are able to keep finding what we love about the other person, and perhaps find new ways of loving each other, we might have a better chance of being in a relationship that lasts.

[caladari]

Forest and Rick, I would like to thank you for your podcast. I find your material incredibly relevant to my life. Ive found that I tend to be the bad guy in my relationship, constantly being "the defendant" and it comes from my lack of effort. It's not so much that Im not making any effort but that the effort I'm making is not meeting my partners expectations and more importantly, I'm not meeting the expectations I've told them that I would meet. I see how the work required is not just side work to be partly invested in, but a whole-hearted and genuine effort. It's true that I'm afraid that I will falter still, but you give me hope and I deeply want to succeed in my efforts for the relationship and my partner. Thanks again.

[hannahmoore]

Insightful and helpful discussion. Thank you so much Forrest and Rick! You two always have a wonderful dynamic on this podcast.

[hellotheremf]

I recently broke up with a person I realized I'm in love with when we just sat together outside for 4 hours in complete silence unwilling to let go of company of each other
It was my first healthy romantic relationship ever but they, lead by avoidant traits, started to push me away and refused to look for solution together (my idea was exactly as you said - I wanted to sit and define how each of us basically needs to be shown love in order to really feel loved)
After they said they wanted to break up we held each other and cried oceans
This is so strange that I liked this experience even though it really hurt
I think it's because I know that we both stayed true to ourselves and let this truth out and our last few hours together as a couple and first few hours as exes were pure emotion and grieve over the fact that we love each other but we just can't make it work and we shared it (wow I teared up writing this)

[Mushroom-]

The respectable dynamic example of a father/ son !! 😃❤

[Mushroom-]

Rare to hear " you're mom is very likeable " FROM a "adult child / parent dynamic, SO HEALTHY!! 🙀 🎉🎉

[Kieslowski]

"I don't know about the whipped cream" is the wholesomeness I'm here for :)

[sarahcouture]

You know, I think that’s exactly what was happening in my most recent relationship… I had my list, but he had his own list unbeknownst to me, which was the driver of the things which were on my list….

[nicolechown]

I so enjoy listening to you two conversations. what is the image on the wall behind Rick on his right.

[Mushroom-]

I love the partner questions ex. What does it mean when the person helps the other with chores. ?

[Zar]

The other person may not be able to give conversation, because its not how they ever were. You thought they'd change but they never did. Therefore there is a missing closeness.