The 7 Things You Can Do to Make a Relationship Work

We can spend a lot of time in committed relationships wondering, maybe with a fair amount of anxiety: do they love me? Might it all suddenly end? But perhaps less time asking the more salient question: what can I do to help this valued relationship endure?

FURTHER READING

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“We can spend a lot of time in relationships to which we are ostensibly committed wondering, maybe with a fair amount of anxiety: do they love me? Is this solid? Might it all suddenly end?

But perhaps less time asking the more salient question: what can I do to help this valued relationship endure?”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Gemma Green-Hope

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[LastEarBender]

1 the partner must feel heard
2 they must feel that we are on their side
3 they must feel appreciated (according to their own love language)
4 the partner must know that we are making an effort in their name
5 they must feel wanted emotionally and physically
6 we must give our partner an accurate map to our areas of immaturity
7 strive to remain calm around our partner's most trying sides

[Thebreakdownshow]

Having a great relationship with yourself plays a big role in having any other kind of relationship.

[ishita_cu]

8.) "Don't hold grudges and always share your needs & expectations"
My relationship got very complicated. Endless Fights, misunderstandings and blame games. We were not ready to listen to each other. To make things normal i started playing question games like “Lovify”. In this game, we had to guess each other’s expectations. Got to know a lot about my Boyfriend. Your partner will understand you, only if you share your feelings with them ❤

[blackcatinabox]

Being in a relationship is not like a Disney movie. There is no perfect person, soulmate, happily ever after. Love is not a feeling, it is an action. And wanting to be in a relationship with someone requires intention, effort and action to connect and understand each other however simple or deep or silly it may be. It should also be fun, easy going, playful, creative, sweet, and intimate. No one is truly “made” for one another. We constantly refine ourselves to be better people on our own and hopefully treat our partners with respect and hope that they reciprocate. If not, then it’s not a relationship.

[SearchOfSelf]

It takes two to make love last. Both partners need to be dedicated to the process of building a healthy relationship. Giving compliments, having meaningful conversations, being compassionate and truthful–these are all things that make a couple stronger. 💞

[hanguyenthu]

“We have the misfortune of loving someone who is not ready for our gift”
That resonates with me so much. I can see how my partner is not yet ready, he carries so many trauma, he is too proud and defensive, and honestly too insecure. I try my best to embrace a cactus, but at the end of the day I deserve to prioritize my well being, and remind myself that changing him is his right, not mine

[vkrgfan]

Bad relationship can ruin you and leave you to struggle with PTSD for years, so it’s better to prepare yourself for the real world. Not everyone is meant or suitable for a healthy committed relationship, some folks just have to be avoided at all costs. Not everyone can be “fixed” there is no magic pill for personality disorders.
I wish this is something we could teach children to avoid unnecessary struggle and pain down the road. Teach them how to recognize abuse, and how to leave toxic relationship.
Everyone teach you how to make it work, but not many teach you how to leave toxic relationship safely.

[bigboinkie]

This might sound strange but all these psychology videos online taught me that I want to be single. You gotta be ready to take on a lot for a relationship and be willing to do a lot for a relationship, you can't take them lightly in any way

[lightnindawn]

This is the absolute truth! Don't get lazy, people! Relationships are a constant work in progress. Always be as kind & considerate as you were in the honeymoon phase...you know, before they started getting on your last nerve lol

[helvegen]

My partner suddenly left me after things appeared to go so well, taking me into this endless loop of thoughts of guilt, confusion, wondering what I could have done to avoid this break up, or what behaviours I had that led to the break up in the first place. This video helped me realize a bit better that it was not my fault. The other person didn't seem to really love me and just was not ready to put in the effort.

[simoni]

To be honest, it is very calming to hear Alain de Botton 's voice narrate these videos. This coupled with the beautiful and amazing content The School of Life Creates is an antidote to a chaotic mental state.

[rjrz]

A month ago, I ended my relationship after four years because my partner considered 1-7 to be "wants"—not "needs". You can imagine the fights. I do struggle with bitterness, and this feeling that he profoundly wasted my time.

[emilykaminsky]

this channel’s videos on love and relationship have been incredibly helpful for me, and always seem to frame difficulties in a hopeful light. this might seem insignificant to the next person, but the fact that there is often imagery of gay couples is amazing and makes me feel validated

[markwell]

A happy marriage is the union of 2 great forgivers who respect their families of origin AND are committed to bonding as a new household.

[theschooloflifetv]

Is there an eight rule of successful relationships you would add to our list? Let us know in the comments

[kaze]

Having a child is stretching my wife's and my relationship so much. It comes in gentle waves where nothing bad happens for weeks, then peaks with an epic blowup about how to raise a child / spirals into arguments that have nothing to do with the child. Thanks for this video

[sheesheney]

Man, I always go to your channel to get some advice or at least, use it as a guide. May it be my hatred towards myself, my existential thoughts, relationships — you're really teaching us a lot of things about life. Thank you so much

[KingFantaable]

This has come at a good time! Thank you

[marcospacheco]

Two weeks ago i bought this book and I'm reading it now. I'm mexican and the majority of my thoughts are in spanish, but when I read it I imagine Alain's voice, and it is so comforting and enjoyable.

[dillonk.]

I love you guys. It's always so nice and comforting hearing you talk about love and relationships and life. I know I've become a better person because of what you provide here on this channel. My favorite that I always come back to is the 8 rules of the School of Life. Keep doing what you do best! <3