Replacing 'Codependency.' Taking the Shame Out of the Name. Introducing Self-Love Deficit Disorder

Ross, a codependency and addictions expert, will introduce his codependency / Self-Love Deficit addiction model and outline treatment objectives and protocols. His “codependency addiction” concept picks up where his breakthrough book, The Human Magnet Syndrome, left off. Not only are codependents reflexively and irresistibly attracted to pathological narcissists, but they are also driven and controlled by a powerful and insidious addiction.

Codependency addiction manifests as a repetitive and compulsive pattern of relationships with pathologically narcissistic lovers. Short or long-term relationships with narcissists, their drug of choice, create temporary or fleeting moments of euphoria and feelings of relational perfection. Like a drug addiction, codependents seek to replicate the initial blissful experience of connection and emotional fulfillment. Sadly, like any drug or process addiction, the codependent cannot control the “drug” or narcissist who, by their very nature, cannot be controlled. Despite chronic disappointments, broken promises to self and others, and a cascade of negative consequences, codependents continue their cycle of personal and relational self-destruction.

The number one and most excruciatingly painful withdrawal symptom is pathological loneliness. This form of loneliness is reported to be as agonizing as any other chemical addiction withdrawal symptom. Codependency addiction and its unique withdrawal symptoms can also be explained by basic neurophysiology and bio-chemistry.

Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment.

His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 120,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s YouTube channel has amassed over 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.

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#loveaddiction #relationships #codependency #rossrosenberg

[movingonnow]

Finally! Someone not telling me to stop being me, to get tough and cold etc, but to maintain my warmth and love and share it towards myself too. ❤

[jennipher-marie]

Yes... Being alone is much better than being abused. Great video. Thanks

[fyfefyfe]

I completely agree, Ross. It is all about the feelings of inadequacy. The self-love deficit disorder person has maintained the same lack of importance their family of origin began.

[joannahunter]

Yes. With healthy self love, when you end a relationship because your partner ignored your boundaries, you do not blame yourself for the relationship failure.

[samann]

Makes perfect sense. I never cared for myself. Since my childhood, I always tried to please others hoping I can win their heart & acceptance. This never worked long term & for 50 yrs of my life, I let everyone run all over me. It's not my parents but my elder bully brother who was the trophy child of the family thought it was his birthright to dominate me because I was the dumb, dyslexic one.

[notoriousb.i.z.]

you're the Dad I never had... this explains my childhood and adulthood flaws

[yamnehroncero]

I have discovered what self love means for me last week and I couldn't possibly agree more with the term Self-Love Deficit Disorder.

As I discovered what it means, I changed drastically and my pain kinda vanished. It clicked inside me when I said to myself as a mantra : "I love you Yamneh".

I realized right then and there that was THE ANSWER I was looking for all my life. It has made such a huge impact on my life as I finally understood how to generate and cultivate self love.

Just amazing.

[dianaboughner]

SLDD is a term that explains a lot more than the word codependent that sounds like an external entanglement. Thank you Ross ❤

[mariesprowl]

You are spot on Ross, I think the new name is more applicable.
In the past when I had 2 relationships w narcissists I was actually at the peak of my career, I was into yoga, self care, and had also done a fair amount of personal process work (energy healing, 12 step, therapy, self help/spiritual growth books etc)
I wasn't exactly an Edith Bunker type, and I had no problem speaking my mind in my 20yr marriage w a non disordered man.
So, I was quite surprised when I stooped to the clingy phase w the first Narc.
Point being, I need to avoid these ppl, and continue to address SLD.
You're correct these relationships dont happen to every one. Its sad that nice decent ppl gey exploited, but I believe they are our greatest teachers. Even in their own mean way, the narcs often point out the hidden shortcomings of their targets.

[AfsanehYouTube]

Great video, Ross!! My SLDD almost instantly vanished when I entered Architecture school at age 18. I knew a shift had occurred, without understanding what had specifically happened. I have since understood that engaging in creativity (writing, composing music, painting, etc. ) does wonders when it comes to aligning you with your core, and your own capacity to self love. It's taken me years to really grasp this issue, and folks like you have helped me understand this better! Thanks to your community, I remain even more committed to promoting the Arts! Thanks for your channel, Ross! Afsaneh

[jacquinorcross-edwards]

During this recovery I often ask myself if I am the narcissist? The feeling of setting boundaries and sticking to my own rules leave me questioning whether I am self absorbed. Codependancy was brought to my attention 30 years ago and I laughed at the idea that I am able to be happy enabling someone to devastate my exsistance. It never occurred to me until I watched your videos that the way I have lived was unhealthy because I filled the hole in my chest with any form of acceptance I could find. Healthy balanced people avoided me knowing that they didn't want to be responsible for my happiness or unhappiness. Disturbed, disordered people who were in denial had no problem getting me involved in their lives knowing that I am outgoing and deversive. This allowed them to continue with their own desires not having any feelings of guilt hurting others. Addicts cling to SLD people who can be enablers. If I wanted to be loved by them enabling their bad behavior was the only way to even feel a temporary love. Since I had already convinced myself with help by 10 years old that I was unlovable temporary, conditional love was more than I thought I deserved. Thank you for enlightening me so I won't spend the rest of my life being pushed around and groveling for a wee bit of conditional love. Today I am loving myself despite the way I was raised.

[VeganGoddess]

Great new term and I think it fits everyone raised in a dysfunctional family. Everyone with an addiction or personality disorder, have no self love.

[zacharybelgard]

This has really opened my eyes. I've been suffering from SLD for my whole life and recently it's become worse. I now feel like I have the tools to love myself again

[elianaconnelly]

Ross you are wonderful. I agree with you, the term Self-love Deficit Disorder is empowering and eye opening. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and helping so many people heal and move forward. God bless you.

[feelingfeni]

Hey there Ross. I found your videos about 6 months ago and really learned a lot from you. I went from feeling tragically alone to feeling at great piece being alone. I dropped my few nasty friends and have basically been alone for 7 months. last month I acquired a handy business and am feeling very secure now. I also have just recently had the confidence to ask the most beautiful girl to hang out with me and we have been texting. I'm so happy right now.. THANK YOU SIR

[BA-hnom]

I needed to hear this information 20 years ago.

[fffanman]

Thank You. I just cried. Thanks for explaining a bit about myself.

[daisyroots]

I wish I could meet a man like Ross. What a lovely man x

[koohla]

I really like this. I like the fact that it describes the person in him/herself as opposed to being "co-dependent" which refers to the dysfunctional relationship with another person. The new concept is respectful and explains the core issue. At the same time it offers the solution, which is more self love, respect and care. Thank you Ross for dedicating your time and effort to developing this new term.

[CS-hyes]

balance...thank you for also adding the reciprocity, mutuality...boundary etc...right alone is better than in bad company