Autism Dating - Cassandra Syndrome

[winterroses]

Some of the (often ladies) with Cassandra Syndrome are venting because of partners with ASD who are not actively seeking support in relationship skills and emotional literacy. So many of these women feel like they’re being asked to be “empathetic” toward what sometimes does indeed amount to emotional abuse from someone who is not doing their part. I agree that it goes both ways, and that people with ASD should not be demonized, particularly if they are actively seeking support for their half of the responsibility.

[nvb]

I agree but when woman actually are at the stage where they developped Cassandra syndrome their life and self esteem is ruined by the relationship with ASD partner, so they are tired, empty and done being empathetic. Those groups are filled with worst case scenarios

[infidelcastor]

I am autistic female and my partner won’t let me go, even though our needs are totally opposite and it hurts us both. I have told him I can’t live up to what he needs and I need to be alone, but he won’t listen. And then he gets mad at me when I don’t meet his needs for connection and have to take care of myself by isolating. Why would he willingly go through this and still feel that he can blame me? I have tried to leave, been honest about my my low capacity, tried to free him of this, why does he want to stay and then play the blame game?? 😡😖😮‍💨 It’s just so frustrating and draining…

[HappyMomma]

It’s easy to say that when your needs are being met by other things, ie. work and special interests. After a while, however, if a person’s cup does not ever get filled then they eventually do not have anything left to give. So, what are the spouses going through casssandra syndrome just supposed to ignore the entirety of their being and give from nothing for the rest of their lives. What are you asking them to do? I mean, I see where you are coming from. However, it is easy to say that when your needs are ACTUALLY being met. The fact that you care is honorable and appreciated. Thank you for that!

[Diverse_Interests]

Well spoken, it's a positive approach for both sides and it allows people to grow together and work more in partnership with using communication and connection. Agreed. Well said, and thank you.

[debragorton]

My entire last 25 years have been about accommodating the autistic person. I've had every difficulty the autistic partner has, projected onto me and been made to feel like a villain in my own home. to save things is ME learning how to "accommodate" the autism . I'm tired, depressed, and my life has been ruined. It's time to leave and have my own needs met for once.

[perhagman]

Still, it's a thing and it takes two to tango. If both parties are aware of each other's needs and communication style, it could work.

[galen]

Impaired connection in Autistic/NT relationships can hurt on both sides. Scapegoating your partner doesn't help that.

[misspat]

My father was/is AuDHD twice-exceptional, same as me. He also took advantage of white cis/het male privilege to dominate and control his wife and children for nearly three decades. That isn’t autism. Yes, his neurodivergence affected the expression of his coercive control; he wasn’t a classic, “garden-variety” bully; but he was achieving exactly what every other bully achieves; getting as much of what he wanted as possible, with no consideration for anyone else’s needs or feelings. That isn’t autism. That’s being an a-hole, and my mother stayed far too long! 😑

[REuk]

Face it, many have disdain for difference & asd is different as it's not the majority.

[LoganStyles]

It is so true. I been dating a male who I strongly suspect has aspbergers. Hard thing is it's undiagnosed but it's so hard for a NT to feel loved or cared for and it always feels like we are completely shut out and it feel emotionally abusive at times. 😢 I do love him lots and I keep trying and learning all I can about aspies so I can better understand and communicate and I try not to demand what I know he is not capable of giving or understanding. It's not easy but we'll worth the effort and work it takes to be in a NT/Aspie relationship. ❤
I love your channel and you helped me learn so much thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[soulbabe]

I really need help. I love and accept a guy I've been dating. I've been so supportive and patient but over the months apart he's got more distant, hot n cold, withdrawn and hardly communicates. I just don't know what to do. I've tried everything. My son is autistic so I get it but it still hurts when you constantly feel rejected and ignored. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me but we can't seem to find a balance. When we first started dating he had no problem messaging me and seeing me. Is it unmasking? Cassandra syndrome I've or just breadcrumbing. ?

[shanicesheppard]

If only man. ❤ much love tho. Its a whirlwind of ties on both ends 🎉 fuck miscommunication but hey. We try our damnist