How Your Unhealed Trauma Affects Your Relationships

Trauma can manifest as an emotional wound, damaging your sense of self in an equally painful way. Unresolved emotional trauma causes you to perceive yourself as broken and unlovable, and you unknowingly carry this belief into your relationships. With that said, let’s take a look at how your unhealed.

“They say that love is blind, but it’s trauma that’s blind. Love sees what is.” - [Neil Strauss]

Writer: Syazwana Amirah
Script Editor & Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Kiara Ledesma
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References

Evans, S. E., Steel, A. L., Watkins, L. E., & DiLillo, D. (2014). Childhood exposure to family violence and adult trauma symptoms: The importance of social support from a spouse. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 6(5), 527-536.

Schaick, K. & Stolberg, A. (2001). The impact of parental involvement and parental divorce on young adults’ intimate relationships. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 36(1-2), 99-121. doi:10.1300/J087v36n01_06

[YumiTsui]

What kind of trauma do you bring into your relationships?

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). The wounded child 1:00
2). The adaptive child 1:44
3). The functional adult 2:25

1). Difficulty trusting others 3:06
2). The need for perfection 3:34
3). Trouble communicating or expressing needs 4:14
4). Difficulty setting clear boundaries 4:44
5). No desire to connect or bond with others 5:13

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[urbainchic]

Fear, depression, and trauma are loyal friends to each other. The traumatic memory causes us to collapse psychologically, so we fear for what is to come.
So... the past kills the present to stain the future with its blood

[Riddickisawesome]

I’m an adaptive child to a T. My father and stepmother were very emotionally abusive, and I would yell back to defend myself, but it led to me continuing it as an adult, using anger to express my needs and having trouble putting up boundaries because my parents never respected my boundaries, such as barging in my door, reading my diary, deciding many major aspects of my life for me instead of allowing me to do that myself. I’m very fortunate to have a partner who loves and understands me as I am, but she doesn’t deserve for me to be angry at her because she tries as hard as she possibly can to make me happy. Like in the video, I also have trust issues because my parents and extended family turned their backs on me, so I feel like everyone who says they love me will betray me. Part of me is scared to put all my trust in my partner, but she asked if I could try to take her word more often. I love her and want to. We’ve been together for over a year, and she hasn’t lied to me yet, so I will put my trust in her. Instead of reacting with anger, I’m learning to take deep breaths instead in the moment or finding personal space to decompress

[r.p.]

The more people I talk to, the more I realise how much my mom projected so much of her childhood trauma onto me. It affects my behavior in ways I'm only now beginning to realize as an adult. I consistantly find myself asking "wait, your mom DOESN'T do that?" As a kid, she had one alcoholic parent, two abusive parents, and was always treated as the odd one out, being given less attention or importance than her siblings. The constant comparisons to her siblings continued into adulthood. I think she'd be better off if she got therapy, but she refuses to acknowledge she has a problem in the first place. Any time her unrealistic standards or occasionally toxic behavior (likely stemming from her rough childhood) is brought up, she takes it VERY personally. Instesd of taking criticism, she'll bury her head in the sand and say "why are you saying these horrible things about me?" or "you're being VERY disrepectful right now!" as if that invalidates any of what I'm saying. I'm 23 and I don't know ANYONE who behaves in some of the concerning ways she does. A recent argument ended with me trying to calmly explain the problem with her behavior to her while she screamed at me to shut up. Yeah...I'm DEFINITELY getting therapy once I move away from home so I don't end up like her. She doesn't know it, but she consistantly pushes her childhood trauma onto everyone around her.

Edit:
I also have a tendency to get defensive. I keep expecting people to overreact to things like my mom does, so I always have trouble trusting people to not be judgemental. Once I realize the other person is not going to ignore my opinions, or confuse me sharing my opinions for an attack on theirs, I always have a moment of confusion. "Wait, you're actually going to listen to what I have to say, AND take it seriously? Even if it doesn't perfectly align with your opinion? People can do that"? I always find myself bouncing back and fourth between this defensiveness, and the sigh of relief that follows. People have said I always seem nervous at first, and a little too eager to please. Even my mom has said I need to curb my tendency to constantly apologise for everything. Ironic, given I believe the behaviour originated as a defense mechanism against her in the first place.

[kenrickbautista]

I never once been in a real relationship, but I have suffered a lot of wounds.

[relmatheresebalite]

I am a wounded child until recently. I found out that I was always shutting down and trying to avoid conflict with my Husband.
For traumas it has always been number 3 and 4. I’m glad that my husband and I have talked about it properly and we both are on the stages of healing our traumas. Hope everyone is too.

[maart]

I did and am still doing all the mentioned results for those who have unhealed trauma. Hoping for everyone who had it to find themselves loved and completely healed. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[debbyt.]

Can we talk about when people actually leave you? When it's them and not you? I've always been introverted and had a hard time making genuine friendships but when I did find "my people", our friendship lasted for (surprisingly) five months. I left because they showed me that I don't really matter to them (or that's what my brain made me believe). There were moments I felt like they don't really like me. Again, it was the voices but those people also showed me, in their way, that they don't care. Unread messages, ignoring me in my face etc. Idk.

[immoralcompass]

This has been so enlightening in understanding more about myself and why I behave the way I do.

[Ominous]

I've had 2 adolescent episodes. The first one was a broken home, a difficult childhood, and a relationship that got ended by blackmail and betrayal later on. The second episode was the 13 years of depression that followed. This video sums it all up pretty good. I'm 34 years, and I've only been somewhat adult for the past 2 years in a happy new home, after homelessness. Homelessness only resulted in growing up fast, liberation, a serious mental clean up, and a place where I can grow old. But also, I'd like to add some more unhealthy patterns that include this topic;
-Poor hygiene, mentally an physically. For years my former home was total mess wich resulted in a stinky nightmare and mice waking me up in bed. For me the poor hygiene resulted in ruined teeth because I didn't brush my teeth properly and never visited a dentist out of shame for crooked teeth. Really, take care for your teeth twice a day with an electric brush, and do your dentist a pleasure to keep your teeth in check with their help!
-Drugs and alcohol. I started smoking weed because my mother would regularly trigger me to prove her point, up to the moment I almost attacked her. I still use it minimally to feel better and have a pause of an angry mind. In my second adolescent episode I also developed a drinking habit of a minimum of 2, 5 liters beer each day. Result? I don't have friends anymore. Because I had an angry drunk and didn't even remember getting angry at them. I'm glad I stopped alcohol.
-Debts. You don't learn to look after yourself in a crappy childhood, physically, mentally and financially. No matter how much your parents tell you that 'you are growing up', while you're only growing bitter and sour. For me, after years of wasting money, it ultimately resulted in homelessness and now a livable budget in a debt restructuring program for the next upcoming years. Having seen how my mother 'dealt' with her debts: sweep it under the rug, unopened letters from plaintiffs were hidden everywhere, warrants from dept collectors etc. Ditch the dysfunctional kid on the streets then leave the country, never to return.

What do you expect when you are raised in neglectance and absence of simple common sense. To any other reader than Psych2Go, I can only hope to wake you up with this display of my shortcomings, imperfections and unhealthy patterns.

[Smartpeoplearehot]

Here's the timestamps :D

*The Three Parts of You*
1:00 1. Wounded Child
1:45 2. Adaptive Child
2:26 3. Functional Adult

*How Unhealed Traumas Create Negative Patterns in Relationships*
3:06 1. Difficulty Trusting Others
3:34 2. The Need For "Perfection"
4:17 3. Trouble Communicating or Expressing Needs
4:43 4. Difficultly Setting Clear Boundaries
5:14 5. No Desire to Connect or Bond with Others

I finally was early enough to do these 😎✌

[Galatorm]

I will not talk about my past (again) as I've done so enough in the past, and at this point it would only serves to fill a "pity gauge" I don't need anymore. But I will say that your channel is very helpful, and that I've never met anyone that wouldn't benifit from watching at least one of your video. Please keep up this good work. Not everyone that you help say it out loud.

[nickmarch]

One day you will realise that falling in love with yourself is the best relationship you've ever had.

[ATLAS-_-.]

2:48 broke me😞, after so many times getting mentally attacked and parents fighting constantly I detached myself, I stuck that little child into the deepest and safest Cavern, of my mind and a Sea of barriers and I swore that my soul shall break before that little child ever gets hurt again, I became a loner and became stronger to protect it, my youngest sister says I need therapy, but I refuse to lower a barrier to anyone especially a stranger, I'm terrified to think I may have to let myself through the barriers and not necessarily letgo but confront the child, and I'm afraid of what the result might be.

[funnytv-]

Have you ever seen an overgrown plant with its branches growing wild?
the reason you begin with just one habit is to fortify your center first. Thicken your trunk to build the strongest foundation possible.

After solidifying one habit, you do not suddenly branch out in dozens. No. You choose only one more to add. Nourish it. Be patient, no matter how long it takes.

You are choosing the direction of how you will grow. You are sculpting the limbs of your tree. And it is beautiful.

[xav]

I cannot allow my self to get hurt again. Arguments were not allowed with my parents. My boundaries were disregarded. Avoid closeness with others to protect myself.

[erikawithee]

I was psychologically abused so badly as a child and adult
Now healing from the trauma that has been done to me and my son we are getting help with the trauma of his father

[nanaman]

The saddest part of the whole emotional damage situation is that it takes a person to help undo the damage done by the person/people who have damaged you!
Ergo the cycle of the damaged people continues, due to isolation; distrust and not putting ourselves first.

[kyaralugo]

I love you guys so much I’ve been watching you guys for about 1 1/2 years know you guys always help me understand and give me a different prospective thank y’all for doing what you do ❤