Why Is My Wife Never Happy - Constantly Angry Wife | Paul Friedman

Anger in marriage is a very popular topic because it is so common. What should you do when your wife is constantly angry and never happy? Paul Friedman focuses on anger because it covers many areas of marriage.

This is obviously for guys and you may not appreciate this but it's very important for you to know so you can do something about it.

It does happen from time to time that women who are subject, just like men, are to various mental issues. She might be a victim of depression, she might be uncontrolled in her anger,
she may have a real problem.

A lot of people have anger problems and I have to ask you right off the bat.
Are you angry?
Do you react to her anger?

Because if you do that's the first thing you need to stop reacting to her anger and see what happens -- that's the very first thing and if you're not in charge of your mind to that degree where you can control your anger, and you're being triggered and then your anger comes up, you have nothing to complain about but you have work to do on yourself.

What do you do in the meantime?

I have techniques because usually the good thing about anger, it's not self-sustaining. Anger is an instinctive reaction. It's part of the drive to survive and it's a very intense instinctive reaction that if it were maintained it would burn you up and you wouldn't last.

What happens is the anger turns into lower-level anger and emotional anger which is something you can work on. There are two different degrees of anger. One is that bursts of instinctive reactive anger which just is like a wall and there's nothing you can do. All you can do is duck and you could practice some techniques that you could learn in communication where you don't take it on. You let it move past you. You duck.

There's that other level of anger that's emotional where it's not reactive anymore but it's carried and you got asked why because even in those cases, it's a defense mechanism because we're controlled to a huge degree until we take charge of our mind. We're controlled by a huge degree by our instincts and habits and emotions so that emotion of anger is something that we can work with.

One of the problems that men have is that they don't really care why their wife is angry and I don't mean because you left the dishes out. I don't mean that kind of thing but what is her problem and the reason we don't ask that question, or men don't ask that question, "What is the problem?" I don't mean, what is your problem? I mean what is the problem? Does she need your help?

You see most men aren't sympathetic in that way. They go, "What's your problem?" When you should be going, "Honey, let's sit down and talk. Let's try to understand why you're feeling this way. Let me get your glass of water," because that helps dissipate the anger, "Let's go for a walk," because breathing helps dissipate that anger and let's see if we can talk it out.

One of the things the way women are designed, psychophysiologically speaking, talking about it is very helpful for them so you might want to try that. You may be triggering her all the time. Technically, that's not really your fault but because you're married to her it is your concern. Not everyone is like you, she's not like you. She's going to be triggered by certain things and out of love, out of the respect of love. It is your duty to not punch those nerves, to not hit those triggers when you know they're there.

If you know saying something about her sister being fat is going to trigger her, don't do it and avoid those topics. There's a lot of topics you can choose from that are going to make her happy and those are the topics you should choose. Everyone thinks, "Hey, I want to be honest with her. I want to be open," and they don't realize that that doesn't include being a jerk just because you want to be opened, just because you want to be honest doesn't mean you get to be crude and rude and mean.

You really ought to read one of my books. It gives really good guidelines about what to say, what not to say and why, and you need to get a handle on your marriage and get to the sort of the core dynamics of your marriage. You should understand your wife better. You should understand her well enough so you're not stepping on our toes and this shouldn't be because you're going to get something back.

You should be doing it for the right reason which is because you love her. I mean that's what you promised when you got married, "I will love you", "I will treasure you", "You're my goddess," blah blah blah. You're not acting that way and so maybe if you started acting that way it would help her calm down.

Watch the video for more.

#marriagecompatibility #marriageproblems #marriageexpectation #frustratedwoman #unhappywife #anger