Divorcing a Narcissist: Six Family Lawyers’ Advice

What do narcissists do in divorce? Have you faced an opposing spouse who is a narcissist? In that situation, what is your advice to your client? What advice do you have for young family lawyers opposing a narcissist for the first time? What are your favorite negotiating tactics when the opposing party is a narcissist? How to protect yourself when divorcing a narcissist. How do you outsmart a narcissist in a divorce? What will a narcissist do during divorce?

0:00 - Have You Faced an Opposing Spouse Who is a Narcissist? What What Your Advice to Your Client?
10:21 - What Advice Would You Have For Young Family Lawyers Opposing a Narcissist for the First Time?
16:48 - What Are Your Favorite Negotiating Tactics When an Opposing Party Is a Narcissist?

Thank you for contributing your experience and expertise to our “Top Family Lawyers Answer Questions” YouTube playlist video series. Cheers.

Randy Kessler
Atlanta, Georgia
Kessler & Solomiany, LLC
ABA Family Law Section, Past Chair

Melissa Avery
Indianapolis, Indiana
Broyles Kight & Ricafort, P.C., Of Counsel
ABA Family Law Section, Past Chair

Joseph W. Booth
Lenexa, Kansas
Law Offices of Joseph W. Booth
ABA Family Law Section, Co-Chair of Publications Board

Scott N. Friedman
Columbus, Ohio
Friedman & Mirman Co., L.P.A.
ABA Family Law Section, Past Chair

Stephen N. Peskind
St. Charles, Illinois
Peskind Law Firm, PC
ABA Family Law Section, Author

Barry L. Gold
Chattanooga, Tennessee
McWilliams, Gold & Larramore
TBA Family Law Section, Past Chair

Miles Mason, Sr,
Memphis, Tennessee
Miles Mason Family Law Group, PLC
ABA Family Law Section, Author

#narcissist #divorce #MilesMason

[jcnlaw]

Experienced divorce lawyer here who has successfully handled many cases involving a narcissist. Great video! I make videos telling people how to spot a narcissist BEFORE they marry one. An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure.

[marisastecca]

Thank you to all lawyers who participated in this video. The content was superb. Thank you so very much.

[JohnRhodes-lvrg]

They will sow chaos in a divorce case and attempt to muddy the water so the judge doesn’t know what is going on. If you sit back and stay mentally unshaken (get a psychology class/stoicism) and emotionally detach (no emotion just logic like Spock and they never loved you; people are objects to them); they will win the case FOR you. Get a journal, focus on being a great parent and let them fail.

[HIGHLANDER_ONLY_ONE]

I'm disabled now, and I'm older - too late to start a new career. Since he was a monster, I stayed until the baby turned 18, and both our kids are away in college - I wasn't going to leave him alone with my innocent children. So I want my half of everything, and alimony, because we built it together, i helped him in his career, and we live a comfortable life now - before we decided for me to quit and raise our children. He used to destroy my expensive books, and my college work, and since he kept me in a constant state of high stress, I couldn't focus on my dream for a degree in architecture, and/or interior design. He also moved me far away into the mountains, and it was hard for me to keep up with my service based business. He kept me financially dependent. He was aggressive at first, but now that he retained a suoer lawyer, like mine, i think the lawyer is ellubg him to cool off. Thank you for this!!! 🌷

[AnointedApparel_streetwear]

This video is extremely helpful. It's a comfort to know there are Attorneys who recognize how to handle Narc spouses in court. Although the word gets thrown around a lot, there are still controlling, manipulative behaviors that make the divorce process harder than it needs to be. A good attorney needs to be mindful of that. I only wish there was one in the video from my state.

[ryanmoore]

I batted around my wife and her attorney like a cat toy. I applied soft pushback and allowed them to bully and threaten me. And then I executed my plan. I knew they would make false statements and unreasonable requests at this point. The judge ordered an evidentiary hearing and asked us the following, “Do you understand that if you provide false information at the hearing you are facing up to ninety days in jail?” My response was, “Your Honor, does that include both of us?” He responded with, “Yes.” Ninety minutes later I received a call from my wife. “Um, yeah…so I don’t want to go to an evidentiary hearing. What do you want?

[BlueNavy]

THIS VIDEO HELPED !
I’M MARRIED FOR 24 YEARS WITH A NARCISSIST HUSBAND . THE MARRIAGE HAS DECLINED MARCH 2016.
I’VE BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR 24 YEARS OUTSIDE AND STARTED WORK INSIDE .
THEN IT WAS TO LATE …. NO SAVINGS , ALWAYS BUSY WITH COOKING, CLEANING, SCHOOL WORK EXTRA . Now
Going for A Divorce the husband takes of for vacation for 5 weeks or more. Left without leaving no credit card, emergency extra money.
The money he left was 500 $.
In the meantime I’ll work on the court papers. When he gets back I’ll have the court papers then he may need another vacation. ! 😆

[aleid]

I needed you. He went so far he made me so poor I could not even get access to legal representation. While he used and only entiteld to money of our community assets, I did never have.

[Rollergirl]

Problem is when you get a narcissist who hires a narcissist attorney who encourages litigation even when the narcissist is caught in lies. I have that going on in my case.

[appleblossom]

If the divorce is not long it is a red flag you've been duped. I wish I knew what a narcissist was when I was divorcing. I would have known a settlement agreement meant I just avoided DISCOVERY. Even in the most amicable cases I believe discovery should be done.

[appleblossom]

Prepare for trial unless you have the financial ability to walk away from everything you have aquired together.

[DVul]

Steven Peskind is the best response I think as it resonates with me, we've attempted to negotiate in good faith and put a 50% offer on the table, the other party are simply refusing to engage in negotiations or mediation and its been >8 months, the only option is to file for court and stop them wasting your time (and money) otherwise they can continue to play games that are in no-ones best interest other than their egos...

[marypetersonma]

I just can't believe I've been so stupid and didn't even see it coming. One good thing it taught me was to question everything and trust only a few

[Fairy]

Comment to Barry Gold:
Narcissism is NEVER healthy. Narcissist doesn’t have self-esteem, empathy or boundaries. What is healthy is self-love, empathy and healthy boundaries. But never narcissism. You probably don’t know what narcissistic personality disorder is.

[AllHandlesRTaken]

As someone who had been labeled as a narcissist, I find the labeling offensive.
Chances are, divorce lawyers are narcissistic and seek to do the most damage to a family unit while reaping financial gain from destroying said family unit, versus getting that family back together.

Rule of thumb: Why invite someone to a divorce that was not invited to the wedding? Two, don't get married. Leave the system out of your love life!!

[erinbsullivan]

The music in the background is very loud and distracting

[EmilyJohnson]

Going through divorce with one now who is evil to his core. I will be satisfied if I come through alive.

[joyhock]

Already went through one divorce from a narcissist this time I am willing to walk away with nothing other than staying in contact with my girls if they choose to stay with him they are 17 & 19 I believe when they see I mean it this time they will follow & the things that are important to me like my family things which I am getting out before he knows what is going on

[cyruscummings]

I'm in the position to not use the word to describe my spouse in the process. I'm not able to get an attorney and I have to do my own litigation. I'm amazed at the fact that you get told that you won't have a chance because you can't buy justice in the United States. That's a very poor example for a country that pride's itself to be founded on law and order.

[MeenaHarlow-kxfz]

This is all excellent advice and insight.