Narcissists and the family court system

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[kwigley]

I've lost my retirement, maxed credit cards, my house is behind on mortgage payments by over $18, 000 (forebearance), and I'll probably have to file bankruptcy when this is done. I've been battling my ex over 2 years. He has a rich, enabling mother who pays for all his legal fees. This system is so sick and we're not allowed to tell our stories publicly because it calls our parenting into question. This system is designed to make all these "professionals" endless amounts of money at the expense of the children they hurt with their own greed. Please speak up, we need to get heard.

[BluegrassBarn]

When narcissists sling the claim "parental alienation" around... as if their own behavior is not what has alienated their children. But on the other hand, we have seen malignant narc controllers convince their children the other parent is the "bad one, " after driving the other parent nearly insane. It can be very hard to sort through.

[realhealing]

Being in court with a narcissist is a nightmare. A narcissist will do the most vindictive and cruel things to get their way. It's all about control and power.

[Dawgluvr]

I’m a family law atty and a former victim of a narcopath. I can assure you that very few attorneys and zero judges understand any of it. The legislature also has no effs to give.

[Rezellen]

I represented myself in my divorce. My ex had a lawyer. I got everything. I researched my judge and when making my case I put my situation and line of defense into something he could have experienced or related to in his past (he volunteered for the Jesuits helping homeless drug addicts) I knew more about the judge than that lawyer. I also learned every statute that needed to be addressed and adhered to by the judge. Without citing those laws I covered every single one. I didn’t come off looking like a know it all and in decision making the judge must follow those statutes in their decision. I learned a lot. It was hard. Nerve racking but like I started out saying in my trial “you must put my child in the safest situation possible, that is my daughter wants and needs as do I”

[perdidoatlantic]

Narcs also use criminal courts. And God help you if you’re dealing with a narc cop. Nobody lies more than a narc cop.

[LadyLenaki]

My mother literally took us out in the middle of the night to run away in a car that only drove 20 mph because my father sabotaged the vehicle. We ended up in hiding, in another state. Our grandmother had a phone number for someone, who had a phone number for someone else, who had our phone number. The degrees of separation were a safety net, and our grandmother didn't even want to know what state we were living in because everyone breaks under torture eventually.
Family court doesn't protect kids, not really. That's why we had to run.

[sturcke]

This video should be played in court before every hearing. Much Respect Doc.🧡

[debby]

My husband went through this with his ex. I witnessed his ex slap him across the face in front of his children and tell him she was going to make his life a living hell. She was true to her word. Fortunately and oddly, his attorney understood her behavior all to well and brilliantly handled the court system to protect the children and reveal the truth about what was really going on.

[liudmilaaleagaaguilera]

I agree, changes in legislation is crucial, and more support from society. The narcissists care about their money, power and keeping the control. They don't have the best interest of the kids, they care about winning no matter what and it is very sad and stressful for the spouse and the kids while going through separation💔
Thank you for addressing and pointing out this very important issue for so many💕💕💕

[MM-zsrp]

My ex is doing this now, trying to “win” in family court. He convinced himself his money that he gives me to feed the children (and myself since I can’t work and make enough for a babysitter) was going to my lawyer - it wasn’t - so he cut our weekly allowance by 30%. It’s insanity. He thinks custody gives him access to ME and not the kids. He puts on the act that he loves them so much and then ignores them for his phone. They’re his property, so am I, in his mind. He said “if you’d just love and respect me your life would be so easy…” 😳 ok, so you totally know what you’re doing and don’t care what’s best for our girls as long as YOU WIN. Got it. His rights trump the kids needs and it’s infuriating

[meghangriesemer]

I went through this. It was the most traumatic episode of my life. I have a masters and almost lost my son to a felon when I had a protective order. I still have to share custody. It's a travesty. As a social worker, it's easy to see how the whole system is broken. I honestly don't hold much hope for protection or changes at the court level.

[michellevelasco]

Thank you Dr. Ramani, this is 100% accurate! Change needs to be brought about all around. Children need to be protected rather than used as pawns.

[EveningTV]

You described what my sons and I went through in family court perfectly. Narcissists have more than one way to kill a child. My son was so traumatized after years of abuse and court conflict that he started to self medicate to deal with his CPTSD, and he did not survive. I absolutely blame narcissistic abuse for his death, and court was one of my ex's favorite weapons.

[genawright]

Thank you for this video. I just settled a divorce/high-conflict custody battle with my covert narc ex-husband after 18 months and nearly $30K in attorney fees. I am fortunate that the case was settled in my favor; I was awarded primary physical custody. (Of course, I'm anticipating the fallout, as this has surely caused a narcissistic injury.) But, what I've come to understand, after my own experience, is that the family court system (judicial system in general) is a narcissistic system in itself that is perpetuated by narcissists. Often times, the very judges, lawyers, mediators and evaluators working these family court cases are narcissists themselves! It is crucial for victims and survivors of narc abuse to be aware of this. The family court system is not really set up to help us in the way we hope or expect. And, it is truly sad when victims of narc abuse are victimized a 2nd time because they aren't aware of, or don't understand the dynamics of the family court system.

[stefaniamirri]

Thank you Dr Ramani..as ex Civil Lawyer I was trying to introduce this problem at Governmental level to bring awareness into the Courts of my country by reformation of the Family Law system in 2000.
My bachelor thesis has been cosidered "dismissively" as "psycho-giuridic"..
The times and the culture were not ready...Now I hope that the rising awareness on the problem and also this your video, will make the needed noise also there, for sure inspiring me to go back yo my contacts and check with them, share with them, and try again to reform the system.
It is beautiful and needed do not feel anymore alone in this fight.
Bless you Dr!

[madamecurious]

Exactly my experience!!
My narcissistic husband had the money to hire the best lawyer. I on the other hand had - when I left him - exactly $300 in my possession (no children).
You can imagine the outcome of the divorce proceedings … BUT I was happy to be free and to be able to start a new and happy life :)

[SusanBame]

As a mediator, never a courtroom mediator for domestic cases, though, but in my mediation training where I earned a masterʻs degree in conflict resolution, studying narcissism or discussing how to mediate in a situation like this was never addressed. The only thing that even came close was studying papers by Laura Nader where she talked about power dynamics. You canʻt mediate in a situation where there are power dynamics or domestic abuse going on, as in a case with a narcissistic parent.

[gigibtsurvivor]

The family court proceedings are often revictimizing and retraumatizing, as well as reactive rather than proactive when it comes to procedures and practices surrounding coercive control and outright abuse.

[cyndiglaser]

Thank you for this information.
I lost a child who died in my narcissistic ex-husband's care after 2 long custody battles. The court system only cared about my Ex's rights and not what was best for my special needs son. Thank you for bringing awareness to this issue!