5 Things to know when DIVORCING A NARCISSIST

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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.

Platforms I am on:

#divorce #narcissism #narcissist #npd

[truffauttruffaut]

Better immediately to court with a really good lawyer. Mediation is just a procrastination of divorce.

[OdinTheGiant]

I finally got my narc to file for divorce, i feel relieved but stressed because she decided to do it when i lost my job..so im broke, but i just want to be free. Idk how im gonna pay all the bills, but i swear I'd be happier naked in the woods.

[charlessudom]

Yes, mediation works with rational people but a narcissist is not rational. Negotiating with a narcissist is extremely difficult, accepting the fact that they will need to see a "win" is helpful. These are very selfish and insecure people and will stop at nothing to protect their fragile identity.

[lynnschaeferle-zhgo]

Just be prepared to let them have 2/3 of everything. Be prepared for your children and maybe your friends to be alienated. Be prepared for them to go find someone that they know you will hate to take care of your kids. And yes, the only friends I have left are the ones I hid. Poor narcissist so poorly treated

[kscott]

so true, Thank the Lord I have money to pay my attorney fees but it is expensive and I still have to pay mortgage and household expenses since the narc no longer wants to contribute as an attempt to drain me. I have money in savings and draining it all to pay for the divorce while he sits back and does nothing. I was stressed at first but the court is making him pay my attorney fees and he has to pay sanctions to the court since he is not showing up for hearings. It's draining me but I GET IT ALL BACK after trial. Praise GOD! the Narc loses control when they don't comply with the court hearings. If they don't show up too bad for them. You cannot stop the divorce nor control the court room. I feel sorry for those who don't have money to pay for attorney. That is so stressful. But there are organizations out there to help those who have little or no income. God bless you all if you are divorcing a narc.

[IsabellaPiesch]

It is a difficult road... The main thing is the question: Do you have the law on your side? I would advice: Take a good attorney... For me such things are definitley not a game because it is about your life (finance-stability, family - children...). I wish everyone the best - it is not easy - you have to be strong (very strong).

[mauimitau]

Actually interesting to know it’s not personal, I couldn’t believe someone could be that cruel against another human being, wish I’d seen this when I started divorcing my narcissistic

[dixiemaestri]

Divorcing a narcissist no kids involved

[Never-Settle]

It's spooky how spot on this is. Every. Single. Point.

[mits]

The custody/parenting thing is so spot on. I know mine is going to fight me. He’s already told me his intention, if I ask for divorce, is to take the kids, leave me penniless on purpose (let the house foreclose, so I have nowhere to live and im homeless… that’s way he will get full custody 🥴). He has no desire to raise the kids, just to “win” and hurt me. He knows the only way to hurt me is by using them as pawns. When you see your children used like this, I can’t even describe the feeling… I don’t know I’ve ever known heartache, pain, anger, sadness, grief, quite like it.

[jennywager]

I refused his attempt to go to mediation. Abuse is abuse and it dont stop in mediation. Negotiate with a lying cheatig, abusive con man is expensive and resolves nothing.

[jamesw]

There's no suck thing as a self aware narcissist

[Sunshine-dmhp]

I did a disillusion and after he filled the paper work out 3-4 days later he begged me to stay married to him and we don’t have no kids nothing at all and wanted to save it and has not proven nothing .

[richardpetrossi]

I dont have the money to pay for my Divorce, il have to wait until I can get the money, then move on with my life, hopfully, its very expensive, but needs to be done.

[chamuuemura]

#2 reminds me of a boss who’d go ad nauseam about how she’s such a great pet owner, how others don’t care for their dogs as much as she does, and how she spoils her dogs so much. She took them on a business trip and was utterly apathetic toward their discomfort and lashed out at either of the other 2 of us who asked if the dogs were OK. It was only about the image of being a dog lover that she cared about.

[carolinelomas]

Wish I’d watched this sooner, spent thousands of dollars on
mediations, now going to court.

[sameyeam]

A narcissist has a script for how they want you to act out. They change them up as needed. When they present you with the first one, they already have two more on backup. You will see this around the beginning of the discard phase. It will come right after they start gaslighting you when you start asking questions. They want a fight to get justification that is nonexistent. Mine is being served today. She has tried to gaslight me so much I am covered in soot. The more flame retardant I was the more she ramped it up. She spent 7k just to drag me to Mexico and jerk my chain the entire time. The first script was for me to voluntarily end the marriage and share fault. No hate or resentment she said. Then I told her I knew the game. Then she just left while I was at work. I came home to nothing. That was the second script. She wanted me to be the love sick, crazy, estranged husband. I turned that script down also. All of this to cover up a 6 month affair. Scapegoating her lack of a relationship with her estranged daughter as justification for her lack of affection, sex and erratic behavior. She has used her childhood, brother and prior marriages. She has used coworkers as alibis. She has used friends as alibis. She has lied to so many people. She is completely emotionless about it. I saw her affair for myself. I hired a pi and filed for divorce. She makes three times my salary. She left our home with almost 160k in cash. We have no kids. She wants half the equity in the home. She will come after my retirement. a decent person would bow out and take her money and things and leave. But she has to win something to feel good about herself if only for a minute. The cheating will be a blow to her self image. It will not be good for her salon business. It is already publicly known because of her arrogance. All of her employees know. They knew before me. She moved straight into the new supplies home when she left. She lied about where she was living to everyone. The smear campaign started as soon as she left. There is no end to what she can and will do. You will go to sleep thinking you know them and wake to a complete stranger. I feel exhausted, hurt, mad, sad, humiliated, scared, nervous and embarrassed, sick and ashamed. I relayed this to her. Not a sign of emotion was given. It's hard to believe it's not personal. She is not diagnosed but It's hard to believe she is not one. She had control over me for a long time. I enabled all of it. Her therapist has been asleep when she should have been wide awake.

[JaneSmith.]

Re mediation - so if he filed divorce and I'm *guessing* he wants to rush through it and "win" by hurting me, fixing his image, controlling us, and not being financially responsible. But for my conscience I feel I need to give him the benefit of the doubt one last time. Maybe he is just panicking and feeling hopeless. I feel I need to request Conciliation, establish my boundaries, and see how he responds to them. I do fear that setting my new healthy boundaries will make me look bad to the Court. Especially since I'd be the one asking for mediation or counseling or whatever it is. "Why ask for Conciliation if you're going to be so inflexible?" But they don't have all the context of how I finally came to learn and set my boundaries.

[TheSeekeroftruth]

Currently experiencing everything said in the video right now. He has delayed several times over a period of a year, and because I was the one to file, I have handed over all power and control over the situation to my (ex), whereby now he just says no to every single point and area that I raise. I have asked for very little, but even this is clearly too much. My advice is, if you have the money don't mess around and go to court as soon as possible, with a good solicitor who can force your (ex) narc to agree/do what you need to see happen.

[lisamariegriffin]

Love this. Very informative and exactly what I'm living. Textbook!