Narcissists' Kryptonite!

What's the Kryptonite for narcissists? Especially when you feel sorry for the narcissist?

In this video I'll explain why a high self esteem and strong boundaries are key to repelling narcissists.

[goncafriedrich]

When I set healthy boundaries, I felt really really good. I felt I was coming out of feeling like a victim. But then it made my narcissist mother even angrier than ever before. And she went down a really dark path to try and put me back in my corner. I knew she would be angry once I set boundaries, but I hadn't expected her extremely destructive actions in response. So I ducked down again. And for the past 3 years I have been scared to stand up for myself again. This has had a negative impact on my life, and on the one of my child. This is not just about my mother getting angry, but about her pulling through with whatever necessary to destroy mine and my childs life in any way possible on any level. I know bullies are cowards. But cowards can also go crazy, it seems, when they are scared enough that you might expose them. Or they get so angry because "how dare you tell them what they are allowed to do and what not". It's a fine line. I don't think that all of those narcs will back off if you stand up for yourself.

[dayojoy]

I was finally able to set a healthy boundary when I completely withheld EVERY emotional narcissistic supply. They suddenly became the most compliant, respectful, tactful person. That is, they went back to the love bombing phase! So the key is to keep them stuck in that phase by not falling for the love bombing and NOT giving them the narcissistic supply because it is an unhealthy interaction for both of you anyways!

[alcudiababe]

I was listening to you standing up for yourself and I had a situation with my Dad and once I was done, exactly like you, and when he left my house I broke down but in a shaky heavy breathing fit because I'd never in my life stood up to my own father, and it happened once at work too, he kicked off and he was mean, devaluing calling me stupid - now I wasn't strong enough to argue back or be assertive this time but shall I say I was more controlling my emotions than reacting and actually another customer took him on and went toe to toe with him saying you don't call someone stupid etc I have had guys in wheelchairs think they can speak to me like crap but I don't take it. Before I leant about Narcissisum I studied the Enneagram and one of the narcissist personalities you could say is overt you could be describing a type 8. At their best, they are natural born leaders but they don't always thrive at their best and I was very interested to find out what made them bullies - well, let me explain, they didn't start out to be bullies they saw through their vision lense how innocence was exploited and saw how the dominant exploited the weak (nice, kind people - people pleases etc) and they turn into fighters and controllers not letting anyone or anything control them and their biggest fear, is being controlled! And I know when I took my Dad on that day when there had been a misunderstanding - no questions asked he came into my home like thunder and like lightning I shot up and to be assertive, not aggressive, I stood up for myself, confidently, strong and direct. I'd been reading on how to do this, to gain respect from a type 8. He told me something that he didn't want my Mom to know and (therefore I did not gossip about him behind his back) because he'd asked me not to. I told him what I would do to rectify the situation and I gave him a while to cool down. I came to the house because the situation was about my Mother and when leaving getting in the car with my husband my Dad came to me, hugged me, and said he was proud of me 😭😭😭😭 of course I didn't cry on the spot but when he said that that ment a lot.
Basically, and I've had situations with people at work you only have to stand up to someone once to show your not going to be pushed around and the daft thing is they will be perfectly alright with you after, they, respect you more because they can't push you around so therefore these "bullies" do it to see what they can get away with and what they can't they want you to say something because fighting, and that toe to toe contact establishes trust and if you don't cave (which some women can't hold their own anger) but if you can it's a powerful thing, you just channel it into assertion. For me, it helped to change my perspective, they're not bullies but fear you controlling them so by being assertive it's more likely that you will be on their pedi stool after once they have thought because only when they really trust someone because we've all been hurt will they then be vulnerable and loving

[hibiscusfreak]

You reminded me of the time I finally stated my wishes to one of my controlling sister in laws. Whenever she'd visit, she'd bring about 20 lbs (NO exaggeration) of home cooked food with her on the plane. Weird? Yes! She always came right before Christmas so all of her food hogged up all the space in my refrigerator and freezer. So there would be no room left for what I wanted to cook for Christmas. I need to add that the food she cooked was all ethnic foods which she cooked for her brother (my husband). I was actually shaking, sweating and breathing hard when I sent her the email very gently and politely asking her to only bring one or two containers of food. She responded saying she wasn't coming at all....haha! Even better. Does she sound like a narcissist? You betcha.

[RedSpiralHandTV]

That happened to me in a spiritual community.

[TurtleIslandLady]

Hello, I met a guy with traits of a narc and every since I laid down my boundaries, like....Please, don't call me baby, my name is, Dee~Dee. Plz, don't talk about intimacy, I don't know you and it's disrespectful and inappropriate. No, you can't go over to my parents house with me, we don't know you. Look, I'm not interested in a relationship, I'm tired of being tied down and there are too many other, wonderful options out here for me to safely ecplore. Nope, I don't like to be asked too many questions, I like my privacy. It seems like I've ran him off. Lololololol. Thtisty monster!!!

[jimhendricks]

Love your take on this! Interesting that you live in Hong Kong--when watching your other videos, I automatically assumed you were broadcasting from the UK :-)